I know all the what could be answers, and the right things to say to this senerio. But, it does not help me. I am a person of faith, but i guess i have not found peace there now either. I feel our family, grown childern, are fragmented, we cannot seem to get together any longer, without one or the others having drama in their lives, or in need.The details are to numerous and complicated, surfice to say, we have grandchildren that are having babies, our children raising there grandchildren due to poor parenting skills.Then there seems to be the dependency on us, we try to let them manage on there own as much as practical.Yet, when we have needs, not material, but emotional, like just visiting to say hi, or a call, it never comes.It hurts. They say were great and they love us, but there emotions don't seem to show it, when i try and explain, they seem to chalk it up to my older years...It makes me sad..
2007-11-25 10:45:59 · 10 answers · asked by do.drop 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
thank you for all your answers so far.We did do a vacation, my husbands sister is dying of kidney failure, so we went to bahamas with her, it was avery special for the 3 of us. We do the grange, visit with friends, still, my heart aches for some sincer affection from the ones who say they 'love us", i cannot make that happen, i know that, and maybe inside they do of course. I guess i am struggling, because they lost 2 brothers already, and their dad is not well with copd, this is not something they just started, they seem to have always been this way since marrying. The one who is not married, she seems more in tune. Maybe it is becasue they are too busy with there own and i am being a bit selfish here. i apologe...It is just that we seem to be able to be contacted when they have lost there job, need rent, or auto repair, but never, a note, a call, without some drama or need involved. it hurts is all.
2007-11-25 11:19:58 · update #1
I am a psychotherapist and I see this problem ALL THE TIME. Because of various stressors, children don't mature as quickly and are not able to give their parents the feelings they need. But be patient - it will happen. It does sound like they love you. I think it's hard with all those babies. Makes it harder to settle into sanity! I think you are having the right feeling though - I don't know what other feelings you could have. It is sad for you.
2007-11-25 13:30:38 · answer #1 · answered by Clodi 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say sadly it's time to accept your children are making their own choices and their own beds.
I would pull my support from them. They have come to depnd on you so much so they have forgotten the true meaning of what it means to be family which is everyone supports everyone no matter what.
I dont think it's to much to ask for a call from time to time to hear how you are. Or to make sure you dont need anything.
I think your children have turned selfish on you. Another thing is to take them out of your will. Anything you have should be sold at auction, and that money be given to a charity of yours and your wifes choice. And no money be given to any of the children, grandchildren or other wise.
I'm sorry you are going through such a ruff spot. Just know that in this world not all children are like this, and that there are lots of children who would love to have you as parents who would give their left arm to have a parent like you.
May your christmas be bright with many blessings.
2007-11-25 10:53:23 · answer #2 · answered by lovelyinkedlady0613 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your children are adults. And, by the sounds of it, so are theirs. If you continue to help them out on anything other than an emotional basis, you are "enabling" them to be dysfunctional. You raised your children to be strong individuals. Now you need to let go and allow them to be that. If you have raised children who have raised children who are having children, you have the right to be at a place in your life where it is all about you. You don't need the drama at this point in your life. Take a vacation, start spending some time and money on yourself (spa, pedicures, etc) and start enjoying life. You have earned it!!
2007-11-25 10:56:54 · answer #3 · answered by Gail S 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have the same problem! Wow you just described my family. I have 3 kids 23, 19 and 16. My oldest one is very good. My middle son I had all kinds of trouble with him, school, police etc. And to top it all off at 16 he decided to make me a grandma. I love my son and my grandaughter was sent as a godsend. I really don't get along with his girlfriend. My daughter is a good girl also. But it does seem like they only come around when they need something. But how can you turn your kids away I want them to stand on thier own two feet . GOOD LUCK>
2007-11-25 10:56:50 · answer #4 · answered by answer machine 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Whoa. Sounds like this has gotten you pretty down. Parents are much different today because many of them are much younger. Have you tried a pow-wow?
2007-11-25 10:50:34 · answer #5 · answered by Whynot 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Sorry your family does not respect you and they are selfish-sorry you are sad-you should go to a therapist and talk this through with someone!
2007-11-25 10:51:15 · answer #6 · answered by Lunaeclipz 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You have already raised your kids, you don't need to raise anymore.
2007-11-25 10:49:31 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Find the bright side of life. It is there.
2007-11-25 10:51:29 · answer #8 · answered by box of rain 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋
join the crowd. leave them alone untill they want. almost like you didn't have any kids.
2007-11-25 10:50:53 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
some people just dont realise how precious family are until its gone...
2007-11-25 10:49:37 · answer #10 · answered by Lauren M 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋