My best friend poured her heart out 2 me. I didn't know that her & hubby were having so many issues. They both admit to being madly in love/soulmates, yet fight like cats & dogs. He was fed up after 3 years & attempted to kiss a massage therapist after a 2 hour back rub down. She rejected his attempts thank God for my friend, but ended up calling my friend to tell her what happened. When he got home he was ready to talk about it & poured out his heart to her about how her coldness to him in the marriage makes him feel like she doesn't love him and he was at a breaking point. Not wanting out of the marriage, just feeling like his wife has given up on him & him in turn letting all guards down to "manly" urges. They have 3 kids, 1 new born. Stress & financial issues are high in this home. They seem to truly be meant for one another, what can they do? He seems to be sincerely sorry but how can she know for sure? They are gonna go to there church for some counseling! :(
2007-11-25 10:38:26 · 11 answers · asked by S A 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Sounds like two people who didn't really know each other got married without living together and then had kids too soon. They since found out that on many levels they were incompatible.
Frankly going to the church for counseling is not going to help at all. If you want to get counseling, go see a trained therapist, not some minister who has no formal qualifications in psychology.
In any case you should not be involved. You have heard only one side of the story, and you are not a qualified therapist (even if you were giving therapy here would be an obvious dual relationship). All you can do is listen and be supportive. You really should not get into advising people on their marriage.
2007-11-25 10:42:11 · answer #1 · answered by ZCT 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are two types of cheating. One type is forming an emotional and physical bond with another person. The other type is purely physical, and doesn't fill any emotional need. It sounds like your husband is only filling a physical need. I say that because he's cheating with a stripper, and many men who are looking to fill an emotional need are looking for a friend rather than a floozy. The best part about this is that he probably still loves you very much and is emotionally attached to you, but is dealing with sex addiction which is why he's looking for other people. People who struggle with addiction rarely overcome it - it just changes focus to some other kind of addiction. He needs counseling, and will have a better chance of healing if you're by his side. It would be a much worse situation if he was emotionally connected to someone else, because then you probably would be losing him.
2016-05-25 22:39:42 · answer #2 · answered by joana 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stay out of this. It is between the two of them. Before they can ever get on the road to healing this marriage, they need counseling. First thing they should do is go on the Dave Ramsey website. daveramsey.com He gives good sound financial advise. This adds to their stress right now. Without the financial issues, they may be happily married. Tell them to do it. It's the best thing they can do for those 3 little kids.
2007-11-25 10:43:08 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
God hates divorce. Getting a back masage from a friend of the wife. We all have wicked hearts. We need to stay on the path. The back message sounds like straying from the path. Like going to a singles bar alone or something. If you lie down with the dog you'll get up with feas. It's hard to do right if you are constaintly going into hazardous areas. The Bible says flea fornication run. Because God designed us men to react to pretty girls.
2007-11-28 10:32:44 · answer #4 · answered by Richard L 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think they are doing the best thing they can for the sake of their marriage. If they are truly meant for eachother, they will overcome this. Honesty and trust are the two most important aspects of a solid relationship, and atleast he has the honesty part down, they may have to work on the trust part considering circumstances. I hope all goes well for them, and it's great that they have such a good friend in you.
2007-11-25 10:47:41 · answer #5 · answered by peyton31602 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Looks like they are doing the right thing with counseling. Just be a good, encouraging friend and don't break confidentiality and blab to everyone else out there in the world. God hates divorce.
2007-11-25 15:51:20 · answer #6 · answered by Sondra 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wish them the best of luck. I was in a very similar situation and everyone has advised me to move on. She is going to need some very good friends and very good advise. This is something that is truly heart wrenching to somebody. It destroys their faith, trust, and belief in themselves. It takes a strong person to overcome this, if they can at all. I truly hope they can because then I will have found some faith as well.
2007-11-25 10:45:15 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Counseling- good.
She can know for sure by at least giving him what we call in the marriage world "mercy sex". Other people might call it, "quickies". Once a week, mercy sex, and no longer than 5 min. If it doesn't provoke him to WARM her up after a few weeks, then they should seek counseling before his manly urges catch up with him.
She is under no obligation to WARM up to him. It's his job to WARM her up.
2007-11-25 10:47:32 · answer #8 · answered by Xanadu 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That should work! You never know anything for sure-need to rebuild the trust-takes time.
2007-11-25 10:43:45 · answer #9 · answered by Lunaeclipz 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be there to listen to him and be a shoulder to cry on, but do not think you can actually help with your advise.
Good luck. I will pray for their family as well.
2007-11-25 10:43:58 · answer #10 · answered by box of rain 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋