What's gone wrong.... ?

Question

I'm not sure where things actually started going wrong between me and my husband but just lately (past 2 months) we've not been getting along. It's both of our faults, neither of us is making the effort anymore. Things in the bedroom have not been great either. I'm not even sure why things have been strained between us, we have 3 kids and life is always busy but I'm not sure what's changed. A perfect example of how things have been is tonight I was watching TV and I laughed, he came in from the kitchen and shut the lounge door on me saying he couldn't stand the noise!! We have 2 nights away in a hotel booked for this weekend and to be honest I'm dreading it, my husband even suggested we cancel it as he thought it would be too much hassle!!! I'm afraid we won't have anything to talk about and the weekend will be disaster and the oppertunity to talk things through will be lost. Help!

Answer 1

Hi Sian, I know what you mean. Things are not great at our house and the problem is often MONEY! We have a young baby and a low income. My partner is doing two jobs because he can only get min.wage work and we have a mortgage and bills galore to pay. The stress just drives us mad and sometimes we just fight fight fight.

I can only hope it will make us stronger in the long run. I find things are worst with us when we don't communicate. I've had a go at him sometimes for "laughing too loud" at the TV or doing other things that grate on my nerves. I regret it afterwards but we are both so tired and worn down with stress that its hard not to snap occasionally.

Get out for a day together. Yesterday we went down to Cardiff to get a first birthday present for our son, went round the Winter Wonderland, sat and had a cup of hot chocolate together, just getting out and having a change of scene away from the house can really help sometimes. If we had the money we'd take a short holiday but the best we can do at the moment is just to go out for the day . . .

Answer 2

Sounds like you two are in a big time rut. Often when a couple is busy just getting through the week with work, kids, chores and many other activities, the relationship ends up taking a back seat. The weekend is probably a must attend even if neither of you particularly cares if you go or not. That's why. The indifference. You guys need to use the time to ignite a fire under the marriage.

I doubt your husband wants to "talk", but will probably be more open to it once his more basic needs are met. Have some fun!

Answer 3

Hmmm...maybe we aren't as in control of things as we think. I read this spiritual text once that says "Human problems are not solved by human actions." So what if things are just fated to be? Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad. Maybe because we are so busy in our heads trying to figure things out and make things happen that we think we are the cause of the outcome when we aren't. Hmmm...that certainly would explain how you could doubt yourself on something so much and still have a wonderful moment that boosts your ego at some point. I don't like where this is going. I am actually big on manifesting one's desires. I think I'd be really upset if I found out that everything I work so hard to make happen was going to happen anyway even if I had just stayed on the couch. ;D

Answer 4

A weekend can make or break; or it can be the start of a new phase in your lives. Try not to get too intense over the week...it sounds like you are irritating the hell out of each other for no good reason...don't expect too much either from your couple of days away...if you get to have some bedroom stuff, great; but think of it as a bonus.

Book a meal for your first evening there; a bottle of wine can help loosen things up, and maybe get you both talking. Couples can take each other for granted a lot, and you lose the romance that was once there. think about why you fancied each other in the first place...is that still there?
Try to think of three things that you like still about each other...and how would you each feel if the other had really fallen out of love?
When life just plods along, we have to shake it up a little. You will have loads to talk about. Keep that date with him.

Answer 5

Marriage is such an obligation of putting everything and everyone before one's self. He only snapped at you about the noise because a household of five is sometimes so loud that it's hard to hear the quiet for the chaos. That is why this weekend is the perfect opportunity to share some quiet time alone with your husband... and you won't necessarily have to talk about anything. Keep it light and just have fun. Order up a nice movie on the telly and just relax. It sounds like you both need it. And by the way, marriage is just that... it is strained at times and then, at other times, it is especially excellent.

Answer 6

I agree, the weekend is important. I believe communication is the most important ingredient in a successful relationship. It seems somewhere along the way you stopped communicating with each other. You should talk with your husband. It sounds like you could both use some relaxation. Before you leave for your trip you both should get back in touch with the things you enjoy about each other. The reasons your fell in love with each other and reconnect with those feelings. Focus on the positive things about your relationship. If you truly still love each other this should naturally spice up things in the bedroom. It worked for me. Good luck.

Answer 7

Gosh, I've been told that every nine years you grow as a person, if you have a partner, you either grow together or grow apart.

It would be awful if you got divorced without trying, especially with three kids. Be assertive & make sure you get away for those two nights, it doesn't have to be romantic, but it's what you need, you need to be locked away with him with nowhere to run, you need to have it out with him, try to remember why & how much you love him.

You have to get to the bottom of your problems before you grow further apart. You are husband & wife, grow old with this man, be his best friend. People need people.

Answer 8

It's easier to not do anything. If you want to save your marriage than you need to fight for it. Use this weekend to your advantage- don't let it get worse.Talk to each other and be very honest. Maybe write him a letter so you can get all your feelings out without any interuptions and you don't forget anything. Remember it's for better or for worse and you have to go through the worse sometims but get through it and get back to the better! Good luck and have a great weekend

Answer 9

Well, sometimes when a person starts getting annoyed by every little thing that their partner does could possibly mean that they are having an affair. Not the best thing to hear but his behaviour reminds me of my own when i was in a relationship but started to have feelings for someone else. You really do need to go on that little getaway and do some serious talking, and ask him for his complete honesty.

Answer 10

Sounds like he's pulled away from you alot. (I hate to say it, and I know its not what you want to hear espeically right now but this type of behavior *might* mean he's having an affair). Use this weekend away to try one last time to see if theres anything left in your relationship. Mention possibly going to couple's counseling. Ask him if he's under alot of stress lately. If he just isn't hearing you, consider that maybe he has moved on and has already made his mind up. Don't cancel it whatever you do - this is your chance to shake things up and try to get your relationship out of the stagnant phase its in now. Good luck hon.