I want to come out to a male coworker.He is also a friend?

Question

I'm gay and I not really out at work.I don't maintain a feminine appearance.I am the only female in my department though other ladies work for the company.I am especially close with one of my male coworkers.I would say he's like a brother to me.He dates one of the women in the office.She doesn't like me very much.I think she thinks that I want him cause him and I hang out a lot at work. We also talk on the phone some. He never flirts with me .We just joke about coworkers, gossip about coworkers, complain about crap,talk sports and family guy.
He teases me sometimes about guys at work so I do want to tell him about myself. I also want him to tell his girl so she can stop hating on me.
I hate"announcing"myself and I have been harassed badly at a previous job once people "officially" knew I was gay. It's just that he's a real good friend and I want him to know the "real me" I can't talk about my girl to him or about girls to him as it is now. He seems open minded I'm just not sure.

I have asked him about his feelings about gay people. He said that a ex girl friend of his "went gay" after they broke up . He also has said that his dad hated gay men.

As far as other people in the workplace finding out , that's OK. I want him to tel his girl and I am pretty sure she will tell others. I just don't want crap from everybody. Also I want him to find out directly from me since were close.

Answer 1

I would suggest getting an idea of his take on gay people. Does he know any openly gay people? How does he act around them or speak of them??

That would probably give you the best idea of how he might respond.

Answer 2

Unless it becomes natural for you to say it to him, your not ready. Just wait, might be there well never be a time to tell him, this isn't a simple ideal differece.

Gaism, or Gayness, or just the exsistence of homo/bi-sexuality, conflicts GREATLY with all religions. So be smart, if their HIGHLY religious no its a bad idea, but if they speck of god in a more open sense, in an OUTSIDE the church, beyond our understanding, but we should all be good, sense. Then be assured you can get away with it, but if their strickly religious, to any organized religion, be extremely cautions. Truth be told, the organized religions perception of homosexuality is want taught me (I'm strait by the way) how by their own fundemental exsistence, there prideful and therefore sinful in themselves. So people that believe in organized religion are going to be the people to watch out for by there very drive to be religious there being prideful and pride being perversed from the heart is what cause's personality disorders, THATS as much as I'm going to say about that before people brow-beat me for downing the religious but the more open-mined, or even more lost, won't care, it doesn't conflict with their ideology and therefor makes sense..... so look for this in people, trust I do the same when it comes from being myself, unless their ammiting their true understanding of the world, there letting someone else spoon feed them and its going to be dangerous. Chances are you havn't seen this yet in your life. Only a true sheep, would, outside religion, be so easily insulted by your personal choices......

Despite what they say, WE CAN BE created equal, but we don't all equally choice to see it that way, those that are stupid enough not to see this, beware......

Ideology is a direct reflection of the stregth, drive, and understanding of an individual, not the other way around.... hence why the athiest make it their job to brow-beat christians. They know this even if their wrong in their own right for the same thing......

Answer 3

I personally think telling your male friend whosed dating someone else in the office is a very bad idea. That starts all kinds of office gossip and rumors.