Would you care for elderly parent?

Question

My half brother does. My mother is 89, has suffered 2 strokes but still mobile and except no longer driving pretty much self sufficient. My half brother charges her $5500 a month for a bedtoom and her own bathroom. Also acquired 4 houses she had owned, each on 5 acres and worth over $500,000 each. The step brother really doesn't need the money. His wife drops several thousand dollars of that each week with a couple visits to the casinos. Both drive 2007 Cadillacs as well and besides his home in a gated community has a 2006 Provost Motor home (been years but about 1997, those started at $850,000)

My input, DISPICIBLE! A half sister asked her to live with her (Anchorage Alasks)free. I would ask her but live in a travel trailer on a 30 degree hill. Were my circumstances just a bit different. She could live with me free. As is, I could provide something comfortable for her for less than $1000. And wouldn't accept more than necessary.

I tried 5 years ago to do something when it was first about to happen. I spent $15000 trying. I have two other siblings both that supported my efforts 5 years ago. Both backed down after I hired attornies. My mother gave my half brother legal authority. Been through social workers and the rest. Answer always the same, "She can do as she wants with her money." I add that my mother hates the other 3 of us now because of the half brother's influence. And the half brother was twice Dishonorably discharged from the military (got a general discharge on 3rd attempt) 8 years in prison for drug sales and 6 bouts of Chapter 7 bankruptcy. Does it just about every 7 years.

Answer 1

It is suppose to be the way of life. It is amazing to me that 1 momma can take care of #? of kids, but #? of kids can't take care of one momma. It is because of this woman that you have been brought into this world. She cares for you and nutures you, through good times and bad, in sickness or in health. She is there through nightmares and doctors visits. She has been your cook, housecleaner, carpool, mentor, teacher, friend, counselor/therapist, and over the years has kissed countless boo boo's away. She is irreplaceable.

I had the care of my mother, (thank you God, for allowing me that priviledge), for the last 1 & 1/2 of her life. That time spent doing for her the countless things that she had done for me. I would not have traded it for anything in this world. And there's not a day that goes by that I don't miss her and wished with all my heart that I could have just one more kiss, one more hug, one more moment to share. There's not enough money in the world to buy that.

It may be there are those out there that can't financially afford to help a parent or to have a parent live within your home. I neither had the means or the money to do what I did. I turned it over to God who knew of my needs. He never once let me down.

Answer 2

Too answer your question: Yes I would care for my mother, but she has chosen to live with my sister.
No, I will NOT care for my mother in-laaaaaw.
You are about in the same situation as I am with my family except our extreme financial differences. But, both moms made their decisions and I would tell you to do the same as I have and will continue doing with my mom; Leave her lay in the bed she's made. Send her flowers on her birthday, special anniversaries, and holidays, take her out to lunch when ever possible and call her at least twice a week. BTW I am VNV 73-78, glad to meet you.

Answer 3

It's hard I tried with Mom until her cancer got too bad and she had to be hospitalized and under constant twenty four hour care.
Also had a lot of help from my cousins and their wives as well as my ex-wife.
Charging that I can't believe because in my family you pull that stunt and you are liable to have a fatal accident. Nobody in my family charges for any thing like that.
You get sick and in the hospital in my family and there is going to almost always be someone from the family there with you twenty four hours a day.
But don't know how the laws up there are but here in Texas someone does that the state will be all over them. The same as in Louisiana. We have pretty strict rules concerning handling the elder's money or financial affairs.
You might ought to check with your state's social services deeper and I think there have been federal laws passed about that recently as well. You might want to check in on it.
Never have really concerned myself with that because our family is more like someone goes down everyone pitches in to help free of charge.

Answer 4

all the above are reasons to have them declared incompetent to look after themselves. in the event that they seem to be a threat to themselves and others, you may seek for the propose of an lawyer. yet while parents are doing ok on their own and according to threat have desperate to no longer take their drugs or freshen up the abode, you won't be able to administration their lives and choose they could stay someplace else. do no longer take a seniors independence away if in any respect a threat. you will could opt for in case you may address this duty or in case you may help them into entering into senior housing or assisted residing. Taking finished administration may be the final effect. keeping in touch with them is the main severe.

Answer 5

The word Rape comes in to mind on what they are doing to your mom. Unfortunately if they have power of attorney over her, there's not a lot you can do. If they don't call a lawyer.
If my mom and dad were still here, I would take care of them, without ripping them off. After all they never charged me room and board. That's sick.

Answer 6

You can report it to the authorities (probably social worker in the phone bood) as possible elder abuse.

Answer 7

I'd care for my mom and not charge her a cent. Why dont you get her out of there if she is YOUR mother ?