Partner & STRIPPERS am i being unreasonable?

Question

Do you think i am being unreasonable?
My partner recently when to a strip club for his friends birthday, well i was fine with that. He has been a couple of times in the 3 years i have been with him & ive never tried to stop him. However i discovered that the last time he stayed at the club while his friends went to another pub talking to one of the strippers. He has her number. She is bi but he tried to tell me she was lesbian. She apparently does have a lesbian gf and 'has never been with a guy' but i think that makes it worse. and probably the guy bit is a crock of ****. Anyway do you think i have a right to be mad about the number? he has normal girl mates that i have always been fine with... but im not so sure how i should react to this..

P.S this happend just last weekend. What do you think I should do?

p.s I do have guy mates that i have numbers for txt etc, but I didn't get them from a strip club. Do u think because i have numbers for guy mates, its ok for him to have this strippers number?

Answer 1

You are not being unreasonable. He got another girls number and lied about it. He also did not tell you that he stayed there to talk to her. He went out for a friends birthday and then ditched them to talk to a woman. If she has never been with a man only woman I would call her a lesbian and not bi. He is not trustworthy and that would be a deal breaker for me. Good luck with this.

Answer 2

It should be fine for him to have female friends' numbers; but a stripper a guy meets in a strip club isn't a friend. Her job is to use sex/ego stroking on men to get what she wants (usually money, sometimes a relationship with more support involved). There's a few things that worry me about this situation.

a) He got the number of this woman.
b) He didn't tell you about it (you stated it as, "I discovered").
c) He discussed her sex life with her (whether true or not -- most strippers will say whatever they think will get the most money, and men are usually fascinated with lesbians). Awfully intimate discussion, for someone not very close.
d) He left his friends to stay with her.

My husband switched jobs some years ago, and his new, younger, single co-workers were into strip clubs. He'd gone to them a couple times before, for bachelor parties (his own and a couple friends) and seemed okay after; he'd give me a rough idea what happened and seemed a little embarassed, for himself and for the strippers. I wasn't pleased but could tolerate that.

The new crowd would go whenever they wanted a rush. The first time they took him along, he told me about it, like before... and when he came home he was different. He was all over me -- but -- it was like he didn't want ME, he just wanted some warm female body and I was handy. I told him so and he broke down crying and said he wouldn't go again. (He never did tell me what happened in the club, either, like he had before; and he doesn't cry easily so I was really shocked.)

He got more and more distant, no interest in sex anymore. Finally I discovered that he'd been going to a really expensive one (so much for that promise), and nearly bankrupted us (AMEX cancelled one card and he'd maxed the other, and put a couple $1500-a-night trips on my credit card; how I found this out). He moved out when I found this and now wants a divorce. He told me sometime in this process that the real turning point, when he really started to go nuts, was when he would stay at the club alone, without friends.

He also started smoking, hid that from me too; he told me when he left that the main reason was "Everyone else was smoking" ... though he stated later that he only has one friend who smokes (he moved in with him, actually). I'm guessing the strippers were the ones who got him started.

So. In sum. Yes, you have a right to be worried/upset/angry. Strip clubs really aren't healthy for relationships -- even if you start off innocently enough, the whole place is geared to entice more, suck you in, spend more, do more, and some guys just hit a point of no return. What to do about it... hard to say. You guys definitely need to talk at the very least.

Answer 3

u have every right to be peed off if ur partner goes to a strip club to start with does he not think he has enough at home (grrr men), u should go to a club see what they are like - the girls there at the end of the day are trying to make money and will say a load of bollocks to get guys to buy a private dance and yes its stereotypical but will most properly do extras for the right price. getting her number just takes the piss beyond belief why does he need a number of a girl hes been watching dance naked ? at the end of the day thats sexual stimulation by another female - cheating to me is giving another woman the attention you should be giving ur girlfriend. trust my experience u should put him inhis place dont let him give u bull ****. at the end of the day why were they talking about sexual partners im sure her next line would be do u wanna be my first- maybe thats why he has her number - if u want to play him at his own game go out and get a fit guys number and txt him about u never being with a real man and let ur bf see it- sorry if im ranting, but trust me on this he should not be doing that!

Answer 4

it could be odd, or it could be just farily innocent guy-stuff.

A guy settled into a relationship can still want to know he can appeal to a hot girl, and strippers can have a particular appeal, an idealisation of a "bad girl." That he got her number might be enough of an affirmation to his male ego.

Or... it could be he's willing to go further to act out this fantasy of his. You know him better than I, but only a few trips on 3 years suggests he's not likely to stray from you.

Answer 5

U have every right to be upset.. a relationship between two people should be exclusive... between the two, not into Jerry Springer deals ( U, Me & She ). Tell him to lose the number or lose u.

Answer 6

I'd be more worried about his normal girl friends, at least you know what the stripper wants, money, they other girls will want more.....then again, if i was him, i'd have a problem with your normal guy friends, but thats just me.....

Answer 7

Not at all! you have a right to be mad and feel a bit unsecure, for relationships ARE all about commitment. you need to talk tohim and tell him about how its making your uncomfortable. i mean, why would he even talk to a stripper AND get her number?so just talk to him. good luck!

Answer 8

If he is your partner and committed to you...He shouldn't be getting any girls phone numbers....Do you actually believe his crap about her being bi and having a lesbian girl friend? How do you know this to be true? Did you call her and ask her.....Damn right you should be mad...I would be pissed....

Answer 9

Yes, you most certainly have very good reason to be upset. If he loves you, he should NOT be bringing home numbers of strippers.

Answer 10

You definatly have the right to be mad! Not only should he not be getting other girls numbers but definatly not strippers!