Why would a woman stay with her husband even after she found out that he was molesting their daughter?

Question

I know of a woman who did that and I'm trying to understand why. If anyone knows of any resources that can help me understand why someone would do that I would appreciate knowing of them.

This happened over 30 years ago so it's not something I need to report or anything. I'm just trying to understand the motiviation of the mother so I can maybe try to have some compassion for her. Knowing that she turned her back on her daughter when she needed her to protect her actually disgusts me and I feel very judgemental about it. That's why I'm trying to understand it.

I was a foster child living in the house when all this was happening -- I did not know anything about it! I know knew was that I got very strange vibes from everyone in the home. That is why I didn't report it -- was was a kid!

Answer 1

I lived very close to a foster home when I was a kid and met many many young girls who had the same story to tell about their families.. I have tried to understand it myself.... First, I think it's just unforgiveable and not something I could begin to comprehend, but some of the mothers tried to say that they were afraid of being alone and thought they couldn't make it if they were... that even if the guy was molesting their child, they still had food to eat and a roof over their heads.. again, this is not a valid arguement and obviously shows fault in thought.. but it is also obvious that to stay with someone like that, the person is not thinking right.

Answer 2

This is probably something you would have to discuss with the woman to try and find out why she would endanger her child this way. I know my mother never would have and she let that be known to me and others that she would protect her children to her death if it came to that. Unfortunately many mothers today only think of themselves and that is the only reason I can think of that someone would hate their child so much that they wouldn't protect them.

I have actually found it a waste of time to try and figure out the what-ifs in life. I think we all want to try and understand things about people like this but that is hard to do when we don't think like the demented, selfish person does. Even if you talk with the woman you may not fully understand what her motivation was.

My father had a m/c accident when I was 10 and life after that was horrible because he had permanent brain damage. My mother thought since my two brothers and I were still fairly young that we needed two parents in the home. Later, she regretted those choices but it was too late by then to correct her mistake. There were times, though, that she was ready to face off with my dad over issues but thankfully, he backed down because he knew I would run next door to my grandparents and call the police, which I did one time.

I don't know how close you were to this woman but if you can find it in your heart to forgive, do that for your own sake.

What's done is done and we can't change the past. I lost a lot of good years because I held onto the past but am so thankful I finally dealt with all the pain and put it behind me. I stayed single for many years because I was afraid of finding someone like my father, uncles or one of my grandfathers but was blessed by God when I finally met a truly wonderful Christian man and married him late in life and learned to trust again.

Hoping you can find answers, if there are any, and put this behind you. God bless

Answer 3

Try both the mother in law and therapist but as for the nanny cam, borrow a camera from someone you know well and hide it somewhere where both your daughter and husband will not find it and when no one is home take it and see what was caught on tape. You will then have hard evidence to prove what you believed was happening. I would follow the motherly instincts. Because then you will have proof and you can get both your husband and step daughter more help so that for the future this can be avoided. Also, if something has gone on and you have caught it you will wanna tell your daughter that this was in no way her fault and that she can talk to you if she needs something. That you and no one else will blame her because she might blame herself if something is going on. I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 4

I am definitely not condoning it but try to understand some things. First of all things were a lot different 30 years ago, women were less likely to be independent then, it wasn't the dark ages, don't get me wrong, but there are a lot more resources now for single moms as well as a lot more acceptance for them in today's world. Women used to feel like if they weren't with their husband they weren't worth anything. Many women, even today are very insecure, scared to leave, they may be abused and then they even get sort of a
clouded reality about things. There are many reasons why women don't leave when they should. Sad, yes. Not right, yes, but it happens.

Answer 5

I have no idea what drives a woman to do this. All i know this child is your flesh and blood and why would you do it. Sometimes, woman think they cannot find anyone else and they have to keep someone even though he's not a good person, but he's a man. I heard someone say a man is better then no man at all, so i think this is the way these woman feel, they sure do not think of their own child and i also do not understand this.

Answer 6

I ask that same question too, why does some women stay with their husband/boyfriend when they found out their child/ren been molested. Its no matter how long ago this act took place, he still can be reported!! If you watch the news a while back when a lot of the Catholic priest came under fired for molesting young boy. And one of the young boy (8 yr old) now a man (32yrs old) who testified against the priest on molestation charge. The court found him guiltily on five account. Charges can still be press against this husband for his act against his own daughter.

Why, the mother never reported and stay with them. 1) out of fear of what he will do the child and to her. 2) she don't know who to turn to or where to go once she reported him. 3) maybe she don't believe this could happen to her and the embarrassment once the words hit the news media. 4) or just plain scare of the guy/husband I really don't know for sure...those are my guess

Answer 7

You know I hear about this all the time and all I can tell you is that woman is a pathetic excuse for a mother let alone a woman. Any woman that puts a man before her child is a monster. This woman must have felt like this man was her whole life and couldnt see herself without him... Its a self esteem sickness. There is no hope for these women and there is no understanding their madness. If anyone out there is one of these mothers... Wake up women... Your children, who didnt ask to be born, come first. I am a mother of three daughters and if any man ever touched them or hurt them, I have a shot gun and shovel... You wont be found!

Answer 8

Even the psychologists are trying to understand and it's not clear why. A mother's instinct should be stronger then anything. There are many theories as to why this can happen. The mother is herself victim of emotional-physical abuse and is disconnected from reality. The mother is mentally unbalanced and is seeing her daughter as a 'female rival'. Your guess is as good as mine.

Answer 9

30 yrs ago.. she more than likely had no skill to support herself.. so she stay for support.. it was not uncommon back than for women to do that.. my ex mother in law did that.. and she worked..but she had 10 kid and knew she could not support them..also.. child support was not so much for the mothers and children back then,.if they paid they paid,..they did not go after them like they do now..women rights were not enforce then.. we basically had none..it was a man world.. she was not right in what she did.. but a lot of women did that.. people always say the world was different than than is now.. there is more crime..but i read a lot of true crime books.. and what i see is . the world is not different.. we just hear more because of the TV..news.. and Internet..

Answer 10

In your additional details you seem to asume the mother may have cared about her daughter, in my opinion the only way a mother could do that to her child is if she didn't care for the child at all.