We have been doing just fine, a few bumps and fumbles here and there but I thought we were doing just fine. He has been drinking quite a bit and finally last night he told me that he is not ready for me, that he loves me and wants to be with me, he loves me like he has never loved before but he is not ready for me and just needs time to himself. What do I do I am on an emotional rollercoaster from hell. How am I suppose to take that? Now I am at my parents with my daughter and she is asking why we can't go home.
Like I said we were doing just fine, this came out of left field we were laughing and joking now with in a matter of minutes he desided he didn't want to be with me but yet he loves me and wants to be with me I make him so happy. I am so confused please help me if you could
2007-11-25 06:19:52 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
he said he would not go to counceling it won't work, he is not ready for me he feels like he is not grown up enough to be with me. He is 30 years old. I wish I knew what was going on, he said he just needs more time to himself.
2007-11-25 06:30:09 · update #1
Dear Dear Dear. You should of never left your home! He is not ready for you well he is the one who needs to find special arrangement....not you and your children. He should of called his superior and explain the situation, the army would of given him a room on the base and have him see a doctor.
Tell him you need to go back home for the sake of your daughter.(I can't believe he let you leave with her!!) and if he's not ready he needs to find himself a place to go.!
ADD: Call the social center on your base.
2007-11-25 06:26:26 · answer #1 · answered by Jane Marple 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What exactly do you mean that he "doesn't want to be with you." Are you speaking sexually, or does he not want to live with you. In other words why are you at your parents? Did he kick you out, or he just didn't feel like making love. Maybe he feels like you are smothering him. Go back to your own home, don't be so quick to leave, he has been under a lot of stress, most of us have no idea how much, give him some space, just be relaxed and pleasant and don't put pressure on him right now. He is probably just confused. Wish you the best on this, I know it must hurt.
2007-11-25 14:26:43 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I agree with her. Ask him to go to counseling. It's a tough situation to be in. I've dealt with deployments for over 5 years now and it's not easier on either husband or wife. You just need to talk to him and ask if he'd be willing to do some counseling with you. He probably has some PTSD and is needing to figure it all out. He should maybe see a dr. on base about PTSD, it can get out of hand if not dealth with correctly. I hope that helps. I feel so sorry for you, but I do know this happens more often then you'd imagine! So hang in there girl, he truly does love you and you can obviously tell...he's just going through A LOT of adjustments again and it's going to take some time.
2007-11-25 14:27:18 · answer #3 · answered by Blondee 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He may not be the same person as he was before he left. With all that stuff that is going on over in the war may have taken a very big emotional toll on him. Give him time to let it sink in that he is not over there fighting for his life but to realize that he is home in the comfort zone of his loved ones. The alcohol is just to drown out the nightmares and all the other bad stuff he has encountered.
2007-11-26 04:54:56 · answer #4 · answered by Bree 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your daughter's security should Always come first so the first thing you need to do is move back home.
Call your husband and let him know you two are returning. Don't let him put you on guilt trips or try to make you responsible for the problems because you both know that isn't true. If he doesnt' like you moving back in, tell him he can sleep in the spare room or on the couch because you both need to be thinking about the happiness and security of your daughter first. He needs to start acting like a man and a man faces up to their problems and solves them, not hide behind a bottle or run from them.
There should be one person and one person only (or both your parents), that you should confide things in so they know what is going on on a daily basis. Ask them not to repeat anything but to document what you tell them, so email it to them so they have an ongoing record in case it is needed later for some odd reason. You should immediately delete any emails you send to them and ask them not to respond back in emails, to call you and discuss any issues they may have.
Your husband is going through alot of mental and emotional problems right now so don't give him a choice on the counseling. Tell him if he won't volunteer to go with you that you will have to let his commander know what is going on because you want to save your marriage and his getting drunk all the time is not solving anything.
You go ahead and start counseling so you can learn what you need to do and not do because I'm sure there are times you do or say things that make things harder on him as he deals with all the mental images of what he had to deal with while deployed. Be sympathetic to his pain but do NOT enable him to continue on the path he is on which will influence your daughter in all the wrong ways. The counselor can help guide you in all this if you find a good one.
God be with you and give you strength through this difficult time in your lives.
2007-11-25 15:05:40 · answer #5 · answered by KittyKat 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Be very patient with him. Deployment is no joking matter. I was deployed for 2 years and my husband is now deployed for his 3rd year. I am suffering from some issues right now and have been ever since I got back from the last deployment. He is going through things right now that you will never understand. He just might need some time to himself!! It is a very tough thing to go through. All you need to do is to stick by his side and try to help him. It would be very beneficial for him to seek some counseling. It really does help!
2007-11-25 14:29:01 · answer #6 · answered by Martini 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh hunny! Big hugs and prayers going out to you! Take care of yourself and your daughter for now. He's going through something that he doesn't want to hurt you with. He's trying to protect you and baby. I can only surmise that he doesn't know if you'll accept him and the things going on in his head that he's ashamed of and doesn't like himself for!
You are respecting him very well to allow him time. Remind him that you are "on his side" no matter what!
(((((HUGS))))) Get yourself a full body massage and pedicure! Make sure baby girl is getting special attention too!
2007-11-25 14:57:38 · answer #7 · answered by Xanadu 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your husband needs help and i hope that he will get it soon. But you all so need to give him time to him self. As you no he has been through a lot of changes and he is going through allot. If you can talk to his captain or some one from your church. There is support groups that you can talk to. Good Luck.
2007-11-25 15:05:56 · answer #8 · answered by patches 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get family counseling from base services.
2007-11-25 14:22:56 · answer #9 · answered by janicajayne 7 · 5⤊ 0⤋