Need advice?
So i've been dating this guy for a year and a half now... very soon into dating i got pregnant.. he is my first love. i am now 36 weeks pregnant, (9 months) and it seems the further into my pregnancy i progress the more he wants to leave my side and go 'get wasted' with his friends. When i was 3 months pregnant i found out he had given me a STD. the doctor said he needs to get treated asap to avoid giving it back to me and causing problems with the baby..he hasn't yet. it's kept us from having normal sex. He's 25 years old, im only 19. i feel like ive done so many more sacrifices for the future of my child then he has. He goes out at least 4 days a week and gets drunk at bars. He makes plans with me and then says he can't make it because he's going out with his friends. I couldn't see myself doing that to anyone i loved... does it seem like this kid cares about me from your point of view? should i ditch the *****?
2007-11-25 05:58:07 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
no i'm not a dumb ***.. he doesn't cheat on me, if he did he'd be out. the reason we know he gave it to me is because i regularly get pap smears and i had only slept with a few people my life as opposed to his long list of 35. i got it when we started dating, didn't know i had it until i was pregnant.
2007-11-25 06:05:16 · update #1
If he truely cared about you and himself.. He'd have a long time ago gotten the STD fixed. Seems as if he just doesn't want to admit he might have been the one to give it to you.
As to him going out with his buddies. I would personally have a hard time with it. Especially because at anytime you can go into labor. How are you going to feel calling him while he is drunk and saying you need to come to the hospital, and when he gets there he just passes out because he isn't worth a hoot to you?
I personally don't feel he is ready for the responsibility. Maybe he'll change when the little one gets here... But, that's something you need to decide if you want to see if he's going to grow up.
2007-11-25 06:13:50 · answer #1 · answered by colleend01 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
hi sorry but he sounds a dog. he does not sound like daddy material. the STD he gave you could have been alot worse or even damage baby. I had my first child at 18 17 years ago and her dad was a dog. I brought her up myself. You need to think what you need for you and your child because he won't i'm sorry. if he is in the bars now what will he be like when your baby comes. You can only decide sweetheart but you will soon be 2 not just you. good luck.
2007-11-25 14:14:21 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
this is really hard... i understand if you didnt want to leave him... being alone in a pregnancy and taking care of a child is very hard work and it always seems nicer when someone is there... but then again if he is going out all the time its already like hes not there for it... I would be very firm with him and let him know that your almost done... and youre about ready to leave him... keep your head up hun... I would make a decision soon though... your almost ready to pop... good luck
2007-11-25 14:38:16 · answer #3 · answered by JennyLynn 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't want your child growing up around a loser. You are more than likely better off without him. He is just going to stress you out and try to bring you down. Babies need happy enviroments. I read a research that babies in stressful households are more likely to develop diabetes at a very young age. I cannot stand it when I think of an innocent baby having to see parents fight or drunk idiots around them. They are so innocent. Ditch the guy, he does not care about you or the baby or he would man up.
2007-11-25 14:05:38 · answer #4 · answered by SophiaIsDueAugust26 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sweetheart, it sounds to me like you already know the answer to that question. He put you and your child in jeopardy by giving you an STD. His number one priority is himself. It's a sad situation. No one wants be alone when they are pregnant. I didn't even want my husband to go to work!
You just make sure that you do what is best for the baby and take good care of yourself. Soon you will be bringing home a precious little one. Rely on friends and family members that do care for you. God bless!
2007-11-25 14:06:56 · answer #5 · answered by Charlee's Mama 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Have you been assertive and told him how you're feeling? If he's totally unresponsive to your needs, then yes, get rid of him. Women always mistakenly believe in the "change" theory, that someday the lightbulb will go on in these guys' heads and they will suddenly become the perfect supportive husband and father. It almost never works that way.
You deserve someone who is going to be sensitive to your needs and wants. Someone who cares about your health and well being. And this guy doesn't sound like he is capable of this. Single parenting is hard, but IMO it's a lot harder when you are trying to rely on someone who is unreliable.
Good luck.
2007-11-25 14:05:16 · answer #6 · answered by Take A Test! 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well... I'm probably going to be the only chica on here telling you this cause I'm sure that everyone else is going to say stuff like, "You can do better", "Leave the loser", etc. I'm telling you that you need to make a date with the boy to talk with him. I'm a firm believer in trying to communicate instead of just letting the hormones get the best of us. Sit him down face to face and talk to him. Even if it means you sit completely across the room from him. Don't interrupt each other. Let it be more of a question--answer session. Let him ask questions too. Remember that "I" statements are important. Let him know how you feel.
For example. I'm not as far along as you, but I just hit my third trimester this week. The dad and I sometimes are on completely different wave lengths. Instead of going out with his friends, he sits online and chats with other women. It frustrates me to no end. He also started acting like he didn't want to be with me either. He stopped doing the cuddling thing and sex was completely out of the question. Finally, I got fed up and said, "we need to talk". I sat in the computer chair and him on the couch. I talked, he listened. I gave him time to tell me what he needed to say. I found that he had a lot of concerns about my health and that he was actually kinda scared about the entire situation.
I could have sat around for the next three months just being pissed off and not knowing what was going on, but instead I opted to find out for myself. Us as women, pregnant or not, we let stuff build up in our heads. They become a very ugly monster and one day it decides to show itself to the world. If we try to cutt that off earlier by trying to talk things through, it saves everyone a lot of heart ache.
If you do get to talk to him and you find out the worst case scenario, remember that you can do anything you put your mind to. If it all comes down to it, the state has great programs for single mothers. You can make this work. I can't say that it'll make a broken heart any easier... but... I have faith that you can do it... Remember, you are amazing cause you've been able to support another life for the past 8 months. I'm proud of you...!!!!
Good luck darlin...
2007-11-25 14:11:54 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Ditch him. Hes not going to be a good dad since he obviously doesnt even love you. He would rather get wasted and give you and STD(obviously cheats on u) why would you stay with him? Hes a loser.
2007-11-25 14:02:43 · answer #8 · answered by Lale 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He is 25 years old with the maturity level of a 15 year old. Do you really want a 15 year old as the father of your child?
2007-11-25 14:09:27 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, it doesn't sound like he cares about you or the baby. And yes, you should ditch him! But make sure he supports the baby once he or she arrives.
Sorry for all you're going through, but you'll be better off without worrying about this jerk.
2007-11-25 14:02:12 · answer #10 · answered by That's not my name 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋