Do You Believe Every Break up Should be Final?

Question

Oh no. This one is going to be another hard one to judge. All have good points, for or against. I'll have to put together a pie chart for this one. (kidding).

Answer 1

In some cases perhaps there can be a reconciliation as long as neither party holds a grudge or will throw it up for every argument. Again, each case is unique and case by case determination.

Answer 2

Absolutely not, other people break up because of external pressures and stressors in their lives, kids, money, caring for elderly parents, or you had a fight and one of you "snapped" and said they want a divorce.

Often some people are just too stubborn to admit they were wrong or part of the problem. Often people just arent communicating effectively so they believe the love and caring arent there and their needs arent being met.

Often people have unrealistic expectations of marriage and each other.

As we age we grow so much wiser. Things change, the problems that broke up a relationship often dont even exist anymore but if the love is still there and the caring then you should give it another go around.

I know couples who ten years, fifteen years after a split still cant "let go" and are in constant contact, do things together, still love each other, and have been through dozens of other short term relationships and none "have taken". When a crisis comes up or they need to talk they call each other -

We are not the same people today, that we were ten years ago. You know the other persons irritating habits, you know what their beliefs and morals are, you know what irks them and what doesnt - you know so much about them that you didnt know when you first got together, so now you decision isnt based on lust, or blind trust -

Second time around you are going into it with your eyes wide open -- I would hope.

I really do not have either the energy or the interest in meeting someone new and asking "so whats you sign? whats your favourite food? do you have kids?" Because I believe most the of time people lie anyhow, not intentionally, but its like a job interview - you are going to fudge it to make yourself look really good -

With an old love that mask came off a long long time ago. Of course they will have changed, but thats thats the exciting part finding out how they have changed or improved in the years you have been apart --

I say absolutely not. I for one am prepared to have another go at it - and this time we have talked, rehashed the problems that existed before, agreed to let go of the past, realized so much was external - kids, money, elderly parents, debts, etc - and hopefully it will work this time.

Answer 3

I think it would depend on the reasons for the breakup in the first place . If it was for assault or abuse then it is highly likely these acts would be repeated. Some people can forgive an indiscretion but a repeat offender won't likely change. Then there are the silly reasons for breakup. When two very independent people are together it is usually a constant battle for oneupmanship. Counselling could probably help in cases like this if both people are willing to co-operate. People who love each other for the right reasons could work it out. Our world is so complicated with all the "shoulds and shouldn'ts we try to live up to. In the long run people just have to do whats right for them.

Answer 4

NO...at least not in friendships...they tend to go through rough periods when both say and do things not sincerely meant and after time those friendships restart on more solid ground.

Romance? - it's always been my mantra not to revisit the past...lol I was talking to one of my best friends the other day and because my ex hubby and I are friends and he is still an integral part of our family, she suggested maybe we should consider remarrying. NOT!..there were solid reasons why I chose to end the marriage and that hasn't changed just because we are now both old [gee I hate that term!] and each living alone.

TWICE I tried the 'going back' to past loves....I had changed and in some ways so had they. The things that had once attracted me were no longer there and vice versa for one of them. I thought it would be a GOOD thing to re-hook up with someone I already knew since at this late date I'm not certain I'm up to the getting to really know ya' exercises...but alas it was not to be.


Thinking I have stayed alone so I don't risk another breakup?

Answer 5

I do believe it can work for some, But I have to say my motto is "Never go back", because once the honeymoon period is over, almost always things go back to being the way they were, we are what we are, but it also depends on the reason of the break up in the first place, if was adultery involved, I think there possibly could be a chance of it working again, but only if the injured party is totally true to themselves and can say "I forgive you" and then they have every chance to make it work....but in the case of myself, we split because I just could not tolerate his ways, we were so incompatible, we have stayed friends, and we get on fairly well now we are not under the same roof, and because of this it has lead him to think we would be ok if we got back together.......no way....we would be at each others throat again in no time....like I said, we are what we are

Answer 6

Absolutely not. Apart, we grow and become different people than we were in the past. Confidence in oneself can change a person so dramatically that is seems you are dealing with another person entirely. And often, it is YOUR confidence, not theirs, that makes the difference. NO one changes greatly in life, but our reactions to others can, and does change. Buttons that used to be pushed are no longer there. My feelings are that if you once truly loved a person, you never stop loving them, but circumstances, constant grating of personalities, etc., can make us forget the love...and when parted, if enough time passes, we find that the trivial annoyances that once drove us up a wall no longer mean anything. Yes, I believe it happens far more often than we give it credit for....at least we know what to expect when getting back together, and if it can work, knowing all that we know about the other, I see no reason that getting back together is not infinantly preferable to taking on an unknown, for none of us truly know another! At least, that has been my experience in life. I was parted 9 years from one I had loved, we got back together, and it is as if it is an entirely different relationship..and a damned good one, at that. Phil

Answer 7

Yes. Not saying something can't be re-devolped later.....but keeping strings attached to toy with people.....no. If there's the slightest ray of hope you shouldn't say it's over. I mean I have an ex I HAVE to keep in touch with because of children. So I couldn't totally break the tie. I had to develope a different relationship to stay civil for the kids. But to toy with someones emotions to play with when it suits you....no. To keep false hopes alive and such....no. I mean it really has to end before you begin again anyway.....or the garbage follows. If that makes sense. Besides if someone new tries to come in....they are never really there if the other person is still holding a flame for another.

Answer 8

Some break ups need to be final depending on the wishes of both parties and the results of the backgound check such Dui's, street drugs, alcoholic, robbery, murder, and etc.
However, there are relationships that couples are like Bro' and Sis, or they just want to an escort, or have the same group of friends, and decide to just remain as friends.

Answer 9

I agree totally with slk. Each relationship and the two people involved is going to be different. Just because some people can change and get back together doesn't mean that it is possible in each case. I've been in both situations. My last
relationship lasted almost seven years. I took him back twice and each time it was a big mistake. He called and came over and knocked on my door a year before he finally believed that I was serious and didn't want him in my life. My heart was broken repeatedly by him and I can't imagine being in that nightmare again!

Answer 10

No, Not at all, and the reason i say this is because me and my now fiance broke up for many big reasons a couple yrs ago but we got back together and worked through them.. We realized what our mistakes were and talked through them..
I actually really like this question..
I mean yes there is some people that have Final break ups but that is not the case in everyone
I hope you have a great holiday..
Deb :)

Answer 11

When your in a relationship with someone, you share a special bond. That bond is broken when you break up. Hearts get hurt and anger becomes a main emotion. If you guys still feel for eachother in some way AFTER the break up (and its mutual), than no, its not final. Because it shows that no matter what, you still care for eachother. Now, if you don't mutually feel something, than yes, it should be final.