I separated from my husband and met someone a few months later. We've been together for 8 months. He caught his wife cheating on him. To add, she gambled and was in serious debt. this happened 5yrs before we met.He stuck around for his kids who were 2 & 6 at the time of the affair. He was afraid of losing his kids, and his money, to her. Law is always on the side of the mother. He's still living in the family home and has filed separation papers, which she is still to sign. He says if he stays away from home, for even 1 night, it's considered 'desertion' and he may lose his kids over this - is this true? Says he loves me & wants a life with me....but we're still no better off, than when we first met. I've given him an ultimatum and have decided not to see him until he resolves this separation. Is there a chance he's really working on it & and is he right about deserting his children, when he stays with me for 1 night????I do love him...but I'm sticking around to get hurt.
2007-11-25 02:59:53 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
NO No NO This is a line of bs he is giving you. Law is not on the side of the mother anymore. Both parents have an equal chance of getting the kids in a divorce. It depends on who is the better parent. As for deserting the kids if he moves out, what a line of $H!T. All the people I ever met who were divorcing separated-one or the other moved out. Bet he isn't sleeping alone at home and since he can't spend the night away from home, bet the little wife at home doesn't know anything about a divorce. He is feeding you a line a mile lone, and you fell for it. Get rid of him!
2007-11-25 03:08:55 · answer #1 · answered by donna r 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
'There are ways to find out if he really filed for a separation. You can ask him to see the papers or u can go to the clerks office & look it up. As far as spending a night away from his kids it is not considered "desertion". Of course the law varies from state to state but in ny & nj ur parental rights don't become an issue until 6 months of no contact(sleeping over,phone calls, letters,etc.) so that sounds like an excuse. What was his reaction to the ultimatum? If he is using his kids as an excuse to live at the house that is crap. Many people have kids and get seperated and don't live in the same house. My personal opinion is that u need to really consider if this is worth it. It's only been 8 months but the longer u wait to make a deciison the more pain there will be in the end.
2007-11-25 03:18:08 · answer #2 · answered by gemini07071 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
giving an ultimatum was not right, in my opinion... In Arkansas, the day you leave the house and file for separation then dissertation is not how it goes.. I don't know the laws of the state but getting a good lawyer that will fight. My lawyer said that a drug person will not get his kids... so I won in this case if he fought it... So your man will have to have document the gambling and the other obsessions... So the court will have to look towards the father in this case... I think that if he took the kids with him that would be a plus as well.
But for you and him being together, sorry but I don't see it continuing... Unless the extra baggage leaves plus.. technically you are not divorced either so it is best that you just take care of your personal lives and then work on the together forever part... If it happens, it happens and good luck to you both
2007-11-25 03:08:42 · answer #3 · answered by De 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No! It is not considered desertion. He's trying and succeeding to have his cake and eat it too. He's just a lying cheater. He can file for legal separation or divorce and request joint custody ( You no longer have to have your spouse agree). I know that you've heard of that, right? With joint custody both parents have equal amount of time, therefore no child support from either parent. Now, if she doesn't work then he'll have to provide "reasonable" support until she finds job (and the court will order her to do so). You didn't say how long they've been married. In some states, if they've been married for 10yrs or more, he may have to pay spousal support, or give half of the assests, that's just common. What he is doing to you and his wife is what millions of men do daily. Just think if you end up with him, he'll do the same to you. He'll have children with you, be unfaithful and blame you for the demise of the marriage while he sleeps with others. You need to move on quickly because you're wasting your time. I have male friends that have strung women along for as many as 10 yrs with this ruse. I realize that your self esteem may be a bit low because of your own marital woes, but believe in yourself and start investing in yourself. If you have children, spend time with them, if not take some classes both for your mind and body to boost your self image. Stop wasting valuable time with this loser. You just got rid of one, why take on another?
2007-11-25 03:24:05 · answer #4 · answered by dtown 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This could be either way. 1; hes telling the total truth but in a divorce he probably will lose custody to her unless shes rules unfit to be the mother and he will get visitation rights regardless of whether he abandons them or not along with child support or 2; hes lyng to you to keep you around and jut using this story to do so, which personally, my gut instinct tends to believe more than #1 mostly due to my experience with inter personal reltionships. Is this guy really worth waiting for? Good luck and hope Im wrong and if so I greatly apologize
2007-11-25 03:10:10 · answer #5 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he needs a better lawyer. He needs a divorce, not a separation. A separation does not disolve the marriage, he is still married to her, and you can not marry him.
And unfortunately the same goes for you. Being separated does not allow you to re-marry. Maybe he doesn't understand why you haven't filed for divorce to dissolve your marriage and thats why he is not doing all he can. You aren't showing committment to him and ending that chapter of your life either. Seems like you both want to hold on to your husband and wife for some reason.
2007-11-25 03:04:35 · answer #6 · answered by thunder2sys 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2015-01-29 16:06:19 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is full of it...Ask to see copies of the separation papers.
What if his work was to take him away from home for a week..? would he lose the kids...? I think not... Stick with your ultimatum and no secret rendezvous's
2007-11-25 03:07:07 · answer #8 · answered by joe s 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
One night and loose his kids..... no way he needs to contact a lawyer and work out a parenting plan and take this to court he can do it sounds like he is being lazy about this and is scared of his wife -not all mothers get their kids look at Britney Spears
2007-11-25 03:07:11 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, but I would say that this man is using you. Does this man,s wife know about you? I would stick to the ultimatum you gave him and stay away from him. Good luck!
2007-11-25 03:15:20 · answer #10 · answered by ds 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋