Following a 9-year marriage that was very fulfilling sexually, as well as most other ways, our finished basement was flooded. It took me almost a year to put everything right. Huge job. I mostly worked alone. During this time, my wife and I argued a lot about me not being able to finish the basement sooner. This was due to my job responsibilities and kid's activities. During this year, she became more and more angry, saying things like I'm not a man, etc. It has been nearly two years since I completed the restoration of the basement. However, our sex life has not improved. We have brief sex maybe once every two months or so. She knows ow much this bothers me, but I do not push her at all. I keep thinking things will get better if I'm patient. However, I feel hurt and betrayed. I feel like my wife has broken her vows. I grow increasingly frustrated and down right angry. I work hard not to express those feelings. I know doing so will only cause an argument. Any suggestions? Divorce?
2007-11-25 00:50:13 · 14 answers · asked by Twister 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I still love her and am attracted to her. I am not ready to give up my sex life, but can not walk out on the kids. Somehow, I keep believing things will eventually return to the way things were pre-flood, but our sex life is continuing to deteriorate. She tells me she loves me a couple of times a week and gives me a hug maybe once every couple of weeks. This seems sincere. However, no sex. I do not push, or even mention it any more. But I think about it a lot, which just increases my negative thoughts about our marriage.
2007-11-25 01:05:50 · update #1
Hey how about a conversation with her before you hire the lawyers!! Disasters effect people in different ways, and your wife hasn't gotten over this apparently. Marital counseling is cheaper than a lawyer and will allow you to talk to each other in a controlled environment.
2007-11-25 01:00:03 · answer #1 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Wife Punishment Sex
2016-12-10 10:23:12 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with the other person...much more going on than the basement issue. In the past I didn't "withhold sex as a punishment". I didn't do it because he was a jack@## and treated me with no respect so I had absolutely no desire what-so-ever to even let him touch me let alone do that. Not saying that is the case here necessarily but if she has made such harsh statements to you like "you're not a man" then she is obviously quite mad at you about something-whether it is your fault or not.
Suggestion- get counseling and figure out what the deeper issues are here that are causing her to act this way toward you. Good luck.
2007-11-25 01:02:22 · answer #3 · answered by jenny s 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Withholding sex isn't a reason for divorce. Sounds as if something else is going on with her, ask her. Is she on any meds? Is she depressed? Maybe the sex has gotten to be the same ole same, try to wine and dine her. Women are into romance not wham bam thank you mam. This is a thought, fill a tub full of her favorite scent ( bath oil etc..) put rose peddles in it, and when she is done have your lotion or oil out and message her all over, and we all know where that can lead!! Use your imagination. But divorce isn't the answer. Best of luck
2007-11-25 01:18:11 · answer #4 · answered by sweetemtation_123 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
My only suggestion to you is that you need to stop working so hard at NOT expressing yourself and START EXPRESSING yourself. You never know............ she might have started the whole "sex every couple of months" for another reason.... and when you failed to call her on it, she thought this was what you wanted. Dude.... talk to her... ask her if she's happy with your current sexual contact... tell her that its not about getting off on sex, but its about the connection that you used to share, the laughter, the desire to raid the fridge..... remind her how you used to be.
If then... and only then... she doesn't come around... then what you've got there, my friend, is a problem. Granted, there are no vows about sex.... but the very idea about marriage is that you and your spouse are sexual compatible. If her desires have waned, then maybe you need to step up. You can't act butthurt about this.......... swallow your pride and TELL her that you miss having intimate time with her.
And then........ romance the crap out of her.... candles at dinner... bubble bath.... take her to a hotel that has a hot tub in the room, and pour champagne in the tub while she soaks. Bro, this is your time to shine.......... make the most of it. Remind her of the man she married... and she'll remind you of the woman you married.
Good luck!
2007-11-25 01:07:15 · answer #5 · answered by Aron1968_30 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know Divorce might seem like something you
can't/don't want to do but you can talk to her
just ask her without raising your voice so she
doesn't think it's an argument & and just ask
her or tell her this past couple of months you've
been acting really weird not like when we got
married. Baby what's wrong? Don't I ecxite
you anymore? Do yoou rather be free from me
to explore your possibilities? (You don't have
to say it like I typed it you know your wife so
use wording you normally use) Good luck!!
2007-11-25 01:03:10 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Fight fire with water. When she makes you mad kill her with sappy over the top sweetness. That will make her feel like a huge waste of life. After you've been retarded sweet, go outside and beat the hell out of something not alive. For starters why not tell her how you feel calmly, hey if it sucks that bad try marriage counseling. The more you hold it in the more problems you'll end up having. (like ulcers, homicidal tendencies, a warped sense of reality, you know)
2007-11-25 01:21:13 · answer #7 · answered by alice in wonderland 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well 1st there is no vow that you and her took that said you would be getting sex once a day ,once a week or once a month . i dont think she broke a vow .
Dont tell her that you want sex , romance her into having sex just because you have been married 9 years doesnt mean you have to stop the romance . You are putting all the blame on her what do you do to deserve the sex .....
2007-11-25 01:00:31 · answer #8 · answered by Dan M 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
sometimes women loose the attraction, and really might not be sexualy attracted to there partner anymore,, she prob has every excuse in the book to get around it right,, well there u go, maybe try to take her out ,dress up and try to romance her some,dancing, dinner wine,,if stuff like this dont work,, good luck!! sometimes they just dont know how to break it off with there parner,,if she doesnt show effection much that would tell me shed rather cuddle with a stuffed animal,,,, sorry for the bluntness but i was" there "and got the hell out!!! she was datting a guy two weeks later,,prob even before we broke up,,,
2007-11-25 01:13:26 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you want to get her attention? start going out, come home later than you normally would. if she asks why, tell her your tired of the way she treats you. your wife shouldnt withold sex from you or use it against you. she will eventually push you away because you will get tired of it. she needs to understand just because you are a man you do have feelings too! and they hurt too!treat her like she treats you. she wont like it but she will begin to undestand your piont of view.
2007-11-25 01:20:28 · answer #10 · answered by jstagirl1969 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋