We've been together for 11 years, have 4 children yet are still only engaged. I carry all the responsibilities of parenthood, main financial provider (he's unemployed) & maintain household duties. He's hardly home, talks & relate w/ other women especially his ex. He claims they're just friends & I'm feeling insecure or jealous. Although I don't really put up a fight because I'm too busy, I feel unappreciated & taken for granted. When we discuss things he says he loves me & would never do anything to jepordize what we have. Then within minutes he's gone with the wind.
2007-11-24 20:00:18 · 24 answers · asked by lovie808 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Lovie,
You are certainly being taken for granted, and you are being advantage of as well. You are bearing all the burden while he's behaving like an adolescent with no responsibilities at all.
Honey, I know you don't want to hear it, but you'll be better off without him. He says he loves you, but it doesn't sound like he knows what love is. He certainly doesn't respect you, or his children if he is treating you this way.
He says he would never do anything to jeopardize what you have - be honest with yourself - What do you have? AND he is jeopardizing it by running around with other women.
It sounds more like you have 5 children than 4. Kick his sorry butt out - do what you are doing for your kids - raise them to have respect for themselves and for you. He is not demonstrating that to them and they will never learn it if he is there.
Tell him that when he gets a job, stops running around with his ex, and is ready to marry you and take responsibility for his children, then and only then can he come back.
If he really loves you, he will heed this wake up call and smarten up. But, Lovie, if he doesn't - then honestly you are better off without him.
Kiss and hug each of your kids before they go to bed tonight and remember how important they are. Help them grow up with respect, self-respect and honesty.
Good Luck - I hope things work out for the best.
2007-11-24 20:10:31 · answer #1 · answered by Tauri Athena 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
WTF why aren't yoiu married? 11yrs together 4 kids something is messed up here. I know you have 4 kids but this guy is playing you and since your not married just kick him outr and fight for full custody this guy is a jerk and more then a possibilty he is cheating on you. The reason he has not married you is because he doesn't want to get married and then you take for everything because he is playing you and for sometime most likely. If he is your man he should only be hanging out with you no other ladies friends or not when your engaged you do not hang out with ladies if your not with him.
This guy sounds like a chump time to throw him to the curb and get a guy who atleast has a job and knows how to treat a lady.
2007-11-25 04:08:56 · answer #2 · answered by Livinrawguy 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You know that mostly all men cheat, unless they're the really insecure type.
I mean the fact that he's unemployed does say alot, he's got a low self esteem and he doesn't want to be around his situation. There's not much you can do that would not involve arguing abou thte situation.
Get married, as taboo as it might be, it could probably be the thing that works.
2007-11-25 04:12:09 · answer #3 · answered by chase 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he does this because you let him get away with it. engagement is just a word, it keeps you pacified like you are more than just one of his girlfriends. he could have 5 fiances for all you know. Don't fall for the slap on the butt and the "I would never do anything to jeopardize what we have, i love you" routine. he sounds like he is the only one who has anything that can be jeopardized. A free ride, make his lazy *** contribute and clean the house, dont give him money to go play and disrespect you like that. quit falling for his b.s. you may think its charming now but you wont 10 years from now when he is older, fatter, and balder than he is now and still unemployed and you have been engaged for 21 years. Stand up for yourself woman! You dont have to stand tall,...you just have to stand! show some pride for your kids. If you have daughters, this is what you are teaching them is a normal relationship and its o.k. for men to treat them this way. If you have sons, their male role model is old deadbeat on the couch who disrespects their mother,and soon they will disrespect you too, thats a promise.
2007-11-25 04:25:37 · answer #4 · answered by billy e 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He's a joke. He's tired of the monotany of your relationship and he's looking to other women for temporary excitement. Either way, you need to lose him. You had 4 children before even getting married, though - you two have made some bad decisions.
2007-11-25 04:03:48 · answer #5 · answered by Silver 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you are giving him a long leash, he has the best situation possible and YOU are allowing it. Thats why you feel the way you do. you need to sit down with him and tell him how you feel, why you feel that way, and what he can do to make you feel appreciated again. Sometimes it is hard for us to realize we have made a mistake in our lives but you need to do this and see if there are positive changes before realizing you may have made an error in chosing the right man.
2007-11-25 04:06:21 · answer #6 · answered by tmelton36 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
To be honest with you what the hell do you need him for? It seems you do everything already so why have a hanger wrapped around your neck.Kick him to the curb and then sue him for child support and that will make him get a job.If he is worth anything and if he thinks you are something to keep he will get off his lazy a** and start being a man.
2007-11-25 04:05:17 · answer #7 · answered by Michael B 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why would he not cheat. He has you to take care of everything and put up with his running around. He has a mother, a financial provider and a, I suspect very ocassional, whore. That is every mans dream.
2007-11-25 10:48:46 · answer #8 · answered by bocasbeachbum 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why are you with him? Realistically speaking he is just another burden and another mouth to feed. What is he doing to earn his board? He creates jealousy in you, he doesnt respect you. He seems to enjoy the "free ride". Why does he need to change his ways.....you are providing them all for him....he doesnt have to do anything differently. Its too easy for him. Unless you expect more from him, then he will continue to give you exactly what you are getting now.
2007-11-25 04:07:51 · answer #9 · answered by rightio 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well, you LET him stay with you for 11 YEARS, 4 kids, and all the sex he wants...you need to wake the hell up, and ask him why the hell are you not married yet? you just wasted 11 years of your life with him. your poor kids.
on 2nd thought, you deserve it. you have done NOTHING to change your situation. it's called a wedding ring, and some condoms. next time, rethink....4 kids....11 years...you're crazy.
2007-11-25 04:29:26 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋