Bi or Gay?

Question

My mom and I argue about this.
I say I'm a lesbian. I'm not sexually attracted to guys unless they just so happen to be rockstars. They're just not my thing.
I'm very attracted to girls. My only serious relationship [my now ex-fiance] was with a girl.
I was never attracted to the boyfriends I had prior to her.
But I would willingly and gladly ****, hook up with, marry, etc. any rockstar on my "list", dick and all.
She says I'm bi.
I say I'm gay and I identify myself as a lesbian.
I say I'm 90% gay, but I identify as a lesbian.
Who's right?

Answer 1

If a rock-star on your list suddenly ceased being a rock-star then would you stop being attracted to them? If so, then your attraction in this respect is towards a thing rather than a person.

Your sexuality, technically speaking, is in a grey area since you're willing to have sex with a male rock-star. This would suggest that you have heterosexual capabilities in the right setting i.e. if you were with a rock star.

However, in your regular life, you only have sexual relations with women. This is very similar to male "prison bisexuals" who are heterosexual in their normal life but will have sexual relations/encounters with members of their own sex when deprived of the opposite sex (as in prison). These are known as circumstantial bisexuals - responding to their circumstances.

Another variation is an opportunistic bisexual - a gay or straight person who has relations with a gender other than their preferred; for financial, political or personal gain. A good example is a male heterosexual who becomes a "rent boy" to earn money.

Whilst your behaviour may strictly be bisexual, what you identify as is solely up to you. There are many people, who whilst having bisexual behaviour, identify as gay or straight. They do this because they don't feel the need to act upon their "other side" or to conform to the environment they are in (as gays and straights can be biphobic).

On the Kinsey Scale, I would say you're a 5.

Answer 2

If you like a rock star..you don't like a man.
You like a social status. You're attracted from the position, rather than the man behind it.

Surely it's a funny thing to argue about with your mum.
But anyway, if it's so important to find a definition for you, you're definitively a 100% lesbian: you are attracted by women AND by a social figure. Which is not a man (a man stays a man forever. Would you love a rockstar after he's no rockstar anymore?)

Answer 3

I'd say you're bi with a girl pref.
Willing to ****, hook up with and marry any rockstar just because they are a rockstar sounds like screaming denial to me. Silly girl.

Answer 4

1. It doesn't matter what your mother thinks, it's how YOU identify yourself that counts. I know she'd like to think she knows better, but how can she know you better than you know yourself, especially concerning who you're attracted to?

2. I'm pretty much the same as you. I identify as a lesbian, but that doesn't mean I'm completely exclusive. I could potentially date a guy, but he would really have to be one in a million. But, because the chances of me being attracted to a guy are so small, I identify as lesbian, just to make it easier to explain to people if they ask.

3. You don't have to decide on a label and stick to it. You are who you are and you love who you love, not what you label dictates. Tell that to your mom.

Answer 5

you're bi..lesbians doesn't even fantasize kissing a man or his dick! you like girls but the fact that you're "ok" with the thought of going all the way to a rockstar(as you said) makes you a bisexual person.

Answer 6

Don't get confused.
You are definitely Bi-Sexual.

My personal opinion:
If you would like to be Lesbian then you can be, no problems to it.
But in Bi you can enjoy both.
Don't worry!
Just enjoy the life (BUT WITH PROPER CARE!)


Geek Don

Answer 7

If there are ANY men you are sexually attracted to, it sounds like you're bi.

Maybe it's because a lot of rockers are "in touch" with a feminine side (i.e., long hair, make-up, theatrics, androgyny).

Answer 8

I say strictly defining you sexuality is pointless. Why not keep an open mindset and acknowledge that you have your tastes just like anyone else? Arguing over labels is pointless.

Answer 9

you. you know what gets you off deep inside.
most lesbos hate even the thought of men, yet alone think about even touching or kissing them. i'd say you're bi. as you probably know, gender is only socially constructed. male/females attract you.. which can only mean what i mentioned above :)

Answer 10

I would say that you are a lesbian but you are some what open to being with a man. Hope that helps!