How do you know when it's time for divorce?

Question

My husband and I have been married for almost 4 years. It has not been easy. He is always upset, stressed or angry, or is on the verge of being any of those things. He says he hates his life. I'm not the best housekeeper, but I try. That's his biggest complaint about me. He hates how cluttered the house is. A lot of it is his work things. Tons of manuals, uniforms, maps etc. We also have a toddler, so all of his things are thrown into the mess. I admit, I can't keep on top of normal housework, picking up after him and our toddler. However, the things he says are just hateful and I don't understand it. He tells our friends our house looks like a dumpster and I let our son walk around in filth. He calls me lazy, a horrible mother and wife. He's called me a ***** on more than one occasion. He's even made comments in front of people that he doubts the paternity of the baby I'm pregnant with now. He says he was joking, but it was embarrassing and hurtful. I've asked for help around the

house, but his messes pile up. He won't even take out his own dishes and leaves beer cans laying all over.

He's completely miserable, and I've even contemplated leaving just so he could find someone who would be better for him. He recently met a friend of mine and they hit it off, not in a romantic way, but I almost felt happy that he'd found someone that made him happy, because nothing I do makes him happy. Tonight we got into an argument that ended with me telling him if he was truly unhappy with me, we needed to divorce instead of destroying not only our own lives but the lives of our children. I told him I hope he finds someone who can make him happier, with all honesty, and he said fine, he'd start looking. An hour later (and a couple of mixed drinks later) he came up to me, slurring his words and saying he didn't mean any of it and I was the only one he wanted. Then he asked for sex. Again and again, he asked, so I gave in, nearly crying during it because I'm so terribly disgusted by how our life has turned out. He refuses counseling. Should I just go?

Actually, I can't take hormonal birth control because of a medical problem and our backup methods failed. Thanks for being so disgusted with me. That helps a lot. :-(

Answer 1

Look at your life IN-THE-NOW. What I mean by this is ....
Don't look back at how good your marriage WAS. This only makes the decision to leave that much harder and you are not basing you decision to stay on current information. Instead ask yourself this question....ANSWER HONESTLY!
Do I see myself living with this man FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE?
If the answer is no, time to leave.
If the answer is "i am not sure" then you need to work on repairing what you can and leave what he needs to repair for himself. Ask him to go to Marriage counseling with you.
If the answer is "Yes", then, obviously, you should stay with him.
Hope this helps.
Good Luck Hun!

Answer 2

You are allowing this guy to walk all over you do you have no self respect tell this guy that you deserve some respect. That he can get off his a ss and pick up around the house that it is his home too and your not the only one that has to clean it. Tell him that you have had his kid and another on the way that
he needs to grow-up and start treating you like his wife rather then a slave. Tell him that you are going on strike until he can start treating you with some respect and dignity that means no sex, no cleaning if he wants it cleaned he can do it, he can help raise his child as well, that he can start making dinner once in awhile. Really tell him that you are suppose to be his best friend and he is treating his best friend like a piece of crap.

You deserve better then this he is making you do everything while he drinks and sits on his butt next time he runs your name through the mud tell your friends that he is a lazy a ss that expects you to do everything and that he can't even lift his hand to pick up a beer can or his own plates. That he treats you like a slave rather then a wife.

Come on really you have to get some backbone he is abusing you leave his *** because right now he may not be hitting but most therapsts will say verbal abuse is just as bad if not worse bruises go away mental abuse lasts a long time. If he is controlling you then it is a sign things will never change.

You need to call him a crappy father, a shitty husband, a selfish lover, and a pathetic excuse for a man. Really if he is calling you names why let him get away with it tell him how you feel.

He doesn't have the right to treat you like a slave your married your not his property like a car or a truck your a human being with feelings and have the right to be treated with respect and love.

God Bless and Best Wishes really tell him to smarten his act up or he is going to be paying for his kids upbringing but he will not be a part of their lives.

Answer 3

A freedom or a proper is a state granted permission to do some thing inside a targeted capability that they later set with court docket instances. It is a funny story. All of politics is a funny story. Telling any person they're allowed to be unfastened isn't truly freedom and is even worse being a whole perversion of what a proper or freedom particularly is.

Answer 4

Sounds like major couple counseling are needed. You are being emotionally and verbaly abused. He clearly does not show love when he acts and says such hurtful things to you. There are much deeper problems here and if this relationship doesn't change, its time to get out. I hope you have some support system in place because this enviroment is not healthy for your self esteem, well being or children. Let him know your relationship needs help and he has to participate or you're out of there. You can do it. Be loved or be gone. You deserve love, respect, hugs, cherished. Its only been 4 years, remind him of the vows you two took. Good luck.Remember & Believe you are special and worthy.

Answer 5

I am truly sorry for all that you are going through. It seems like a very sad time for you. I would not divorce him. It would definitely not help your children. I would however, try to make your home more clean. I know it is not your mess but your husband seems to really want it clean. That is your first step toward making him happy. Next, do nice things for him, that he does not suspect are coming. I know this is a hurtful time but with lots of patience and kindness, you can do it. It is really going to take self control and hardwork. There is no better women for him than you, you are his wife. You can help him. Be nice to him even when he is stressed out and mean. You will reap lots of rewards and benifits. Plus if you love your children you will do it for them. It is an emotional conflict when your parents divorce, accompanied by lots of hurt and possible feelings of blame and feeling unloved.

Answer 6

hes not worth it. He is the Lazy *** not you I know how hard it is when you have to clean up what they bring home from work and no help. Put all his stuff in a box and tell him to move or you need to move. He is not helping you with bear cans and dishes,,,,,,,,,,,,,,get out fast, Ususally I would say get counseling. But i think he is beyond that Talk to a lawyer now and get the info you need.. I did not think I was a good house keepper either but without him around it is amazing what you can do.

Answer 7

If it were me it would be time. He is a pig and he blames you for it. He should not say those things to other people. He should not say those things to you. He needs a mother not a wife and you have enough to take care of without having to clean up after him also. It is not easy to get a divorce and to start over but can you live like this forever? I would not be able to stand to hear him open his mouth. If you think that it is time then it is. You deserve to be happy and to be with someone that is going to treat you with respect and love you. He sounds very selfish and cruel. Good luck.

Answer 8

He has problems go to the counsler tell the counsler all of this and try to work it out for the toddler. My parents got divorced and it was horrible. but my 5 year old sister suffered more than me because she hardly spent any time with my dad. But if the counsler doesnt work you have to get a divorce also for the toddlers sake because imagine growing up in that enviroment.

Answer 9

When the idea of being without him forever more brings no feelings to surface other than relief.

When you no longer love them.

He sounds awful. If he thought you were such a bad mother, why did he have another baby with you??

If my husband had said/ done any of those things to me, he'd either be working everyday to earn my respect back, or we'd part ways. LIFE IS TOO SHORT to be miserable.

Answer 10

When you both resent each other for being together. Each day is very unhappy. You both think you would be happier seperate. And when you look at each other or talk to each other and get angry or miserable.... then it's time to move on. Don't hold on to something that was there in the beginning and isn't there now. It's okay to move on.