Why does sexual relations change after marriage...?

Question

married just a year and the sex has almost stopped. Once a week if I am lucky and we are not over 35. What is wrong. Is it over because we said I do. There is nothing left to conquer. I don't understand. I always heard of the wife slacking off, but not the man. It is 2:30 in the morning and I am awake and frustrated and he is sound asleep. Could it be a health related issue? Advise PLEASE!

Answer 1

I don`t think it`s health related. I`m in my 2nd marrage at the age of 40.....I am male........... I`m sorry I don`t have a good answer for you....I`m in the same position...........For some, marrage improves the sexual side of things, for others, it seems to be the end....I`m really sorry, but I don`t have a good answer....But if you find one, please share it.........

Answer 2

Not sure what goes on but a lot of things can be. For one, once your married it seems like there are so many more responsiblities and "have tos" than there were before. Getting "me" time is often hard if not impossible so sleep becomes the substitute for "me" time. There are so many things to do in a day that once you get to bed...you have no energy left for sex.

Health could play a role too...as can certain medications. Many are notorious libido killers.

I don't think marriage necessarily has to be the "end" of the good sex but it calls for some surprises and creativity. I think you are right though that a lot of the initial seducing is to get hte person...and once you have the person...the seducing isn't "necessary" anymore.

I wonder if it is because we get too comfortable? There are NO (and I mean NO!) secrets between my hubby and me. That kinda deflates the sexiness...LOL.

Answer 3

This site is full of women who are frustrated with their men. We men have been the "dirty dogs" for years because women say we cheat on them. But women have their own excuses and reasons for cheating and many of them are similar to the men's reasons. Why can't colleges or the government set up a series of tests to determine which group a man or woman would fit into to have the best chance of finding someone compatable in every department. Raising kids, work ethic, religion, ambition, SEX, and every other aspect of life.

Any I digress. Just talk to him and tell him the problem now. If he can't man up, find a friend or get a divorce. There is not enough time invested or kids (at least you didn't state anything about this) to waste any more time in a relationship that can not fulfill your needs. Physioligically speaking, sex is a need, not a want or desire. Our bodies are made to have sex, enjoy sex, and explore each other's bodies sexually as part of a loving relationship. If this doesn't happen, cheating happens. Frustration happens. Fights happen. And finally divorce happens. Unfortunately, people don't understand this and stay for kids or whatever and live miserable lives. Once they are free, they find out that they were stupid for not doing it sooner. Good luck in getting him to change or trading him in on a more compatable model.

Answer 4

Try talking with him, you may have a stronger more active sex drive than him and he is not able to keep up. If this was over a small period of time, I would look at health or work to see if he was tired/not feeling well. If longer, talk and see what's up. Change routines, avoid getting into a rut of doing the same thing, from fore play to climax. Be careful if you do talk, make sure he is comfortable talking about it. When he does open up, listen as well as talk.

Answer 5

The basic generalized problem is this, as I see it.

While it may vary from person to person, Each person has a finite amount of daily energy and amount of daily energy declines as we get older, leaving less energy for sex.

Conversely, as we get older - The amount of things we need or want to do in a day increases, leaving less energy for sex.
Debts, careers, cleaning, home maintenance, children, family all require energy each day which is taken from the total amount of daily energy.

Stress - The stress of Debts, careers, cleaning, home maintenance, children, family and a spouse further draws down the energy level from the finite amount of daily energy.

Christmas Gift Effect - Remember that particular toy you absolutely had to have, you begged, pleaded and wrote Santa Claus to get. And three days after Christmas it was laying neglected because it was not new to you anymore?
Do I have to say more?

Health Definately plays a role. But there is no sense nagging, because that will just create other problems counterproductive to have more sex. You both should be walking at least 30 minutes per day. Make it part of your daily ritual. If it leads to a gym membership, great... If not, the health and energy benefits will still be noticable. (Exercise is one way to counteract the effects of stress)

And who says, God does not have a sense of humor - Men sexual desires generally peaks from 15-21 years of age. Women peak sexually generally from 27-32 years of Age.
And then, for a punch line, men prefer younger women....
The joke is on us!

Answer 6

Actually, I believe it is because sexual activity becomes routine. Guys lose interest in the effort of seduction, because they expect to "get it". Women get bored with the routine of the same old thing. You MUST change the routine. Don't be available all the time. Don't be predictable, be honorable, but encourage your guy to participate in changing the routine too. Call him at his work and ask him to meet you for dinner at a place you both like. Get a nice hotel or motel room to go to after dinner. If you have kids, arrange for their care. You don't have to do this often, but it's fun. Have you sorta let yourself go? If so, change that routine. Make yourself attractive in a way you know your guy will appreciate. Tell him how emotionally valuable he is to you. He doesn't have to reciprocate immediately. But if you are free with your admiration and appreciation of him, and show him, things will change. Give it a try.

Answer 7

MARRIAGE SUCKS!!! You are not over 35 so you are close to it. Open your eyes and stop lying to yourself. Here are a few secrets you haven't learned yet for whatever reason:

1. There is no Santa Claus
2. Life is not fair
3. All men cheat
4. Everyone lies (even to themselves)

Happy Holidays!!! Email me if you want the truth from a man that does not lie anymore.

Answer 8

If his underlying motvation is only satisfying passion his weak understanding of its purpose for unitive love may not be enough now that he's won the prize secured through marriage.Google erectile dysfunction to see if it applies or if he thinks it may. It may be too early to discuss it without emotional arguing or his ego defense devices so try writing out your feelings, needs, concerns for where he can read it in solitude for better reflection. Pope John Paul taught couples in his book Theology of the Body that mutual simultaneous orgasms are the best way to grow in union of love. Look at, show him what the Catechism of the Catholic Church teaches about marital love in the section about the sacrament of matrimony and this may awaken new desire and satisfaction for both of you. www.vatican. va has a website where you can find it for free. It is so enlightened I give it as a wedding gift for my daughters to heighten their experience. If each have the aim of total self giving in a gift of love, according to God's design, then it keeps getting better.
I think his heart lacks the knowledge foundation about all this needed to meet your needs and desires.
Maybe talk with your doctor first about it then see how to persuade him to see his. Maybe some wrong idea is preventing his desire or something missing physically. Addiction or habituation to cyber por n may supplant natural real life desire without his realizing it. Pray for the solution.
God created the whole thing and knows how to fix it. Maybe he hasn't matured into selfless love giving yet and finds self centered gratification just isn't satisfying except momentarily. Maybe he needs you to be more creative in arousing play, more affectionate. Adjust to the way he is for now and do the best you can with what you have.

Answer 9

i think when two persons are courting each other, and yes you may not think so, but you do court, not in the traditional manner, but you do things to entice and win over your prey and each other.

after you get married, you get back to normal.

here is what you need to do.

start to be clean and nice each evening. hair nicely combed, a little perfume and make up.

do not demand, its a big turn off. demanding may insult his instrument.

be nice to him, do things that he likes. make his favorite meal etc.

what you are going to do is condition him to perform.

do not undress in front of him. do not let him see you in the birthday suit. change in your pj or in the bathroom.

sooner or later he is going to want to find out what you have down there. let him have it his way. remember you are in the process of training him. be palyful and nice to him. be certain to kiss him good night or ask him to kiss you. best for you to kiss him.

that good night kiss is essential and addictive.

try to get to bed earlier. if he plays with you great, you play with him. spoon him each night and gently play with the pogo stick. soon the pogo stick will go out of control and he will spring into action. let him have it his way. compliment him on his excellent performance, even if its not true.

boost his ego at all times. let him know how awsome he is and how you appreciate his performance. let him know he is outrageous in a really good way. talk stuff to him when he is action. stuff and trash talking will cause him to work harder.

remember you are training him.


continue to be sweet and nice. continue to be clean and well groomed. continue to not let him see you in the birthday suit or see it.

importantly, continue to spoon him and gently play with the pogo stick. the key is to be gentle.


you see all the ego boosting you have been doing, like ivan pavlov's dog's he will be taking the training and have absolutely no idea that he is being trained.

at some point when you touch that pogo stick he will spring into action. let him know how much you appreciate all that he does to you and how he has your number completely.

you can now begin to gently direct him on what to do.

keep the traininng going. boost the ego.

you will benignly have him knocking himself out on your benign command( when you touch the pogo stick very gently.


continue to boost the ego let him know he is in command and how much you appreciate his stellar performance. its all about mind control.

soon you will want him to take a break.

if he smokes and drinks. ask him to stop drinking and smoking. begin to take walks with him or go to the gym.

you will find he will be more athletic an acrobatic and have more energy endurance . you will too.

good luck.

ps: you said the sex has almost stopped.

you should be making hot steamy passionate love. you should have a full course meal. not just a slice of piazza. you both want the whole menu.

mind control will do it.

your ego boosting will leave him in an addictive state.

Answer 10

Look at your relationship and your regular interaction. Do you ask for the sex or do you just try to initiate? Do you flirt with him? Is there anything you used to do that you may not do as much anymore?;) Be straight forward with him.Tell him what you want and need. I'm not trying to put bad thoughts in your head but he MIGHT be cheating on you.

Answer 11

It did not change in mine. Have you asked him? Does he know that it bothers you? Do you initiate it? If not, try it. If he cannot get or maintain an erection it can be health related. Did you live together before hand? Sometimes it is less because you do not have to do it where ever when ever.