Why are men soo defensive about money? Back to seperate accounts?

Question

We always argue about money. He wants me to handle the finances, and I perfer it that way. Whenever I mention what he buys or how much he spends he snaps! Our budget is always pushed to the limit b/c he buys junk (games).

We both work and I dont want to deny him of his money but we just bought a house and we need to stick to a budget.

Any ways to bring it up w/o sounding like a nag?

Answer 1

No working adult likes to be questioned about spending their money. Since he wants you to handle the finances, make up a budget that allows for him to have some discretionary spending money that he doesn't have to account for every penny of it. Ask him if the budget looks like one that he can live with. Let him know that he is forcing you into the position of being the bad guy about money and that you would like to know if he has any ideas about how to make it easier for you both to have a say in your finances. Ask him if he would like to have a joint account for bills that you both contribute a set amount to and separate accounts for personal spending.
He needs to become more mature about finances especially since he is now a home owner. There may be a local course that you can take together to learn how to handle finances and credit.

Answer 2

You should not be handling the money alone and he shouldn't ask you to. The two of you should sit down together every month and pay all of your bills. Leave enough money for food and gas also. This also includes any money that you want to put in savings.

Whatever is left after everything is covered, you should split 50/50. You have no say in what he spends his half on, and he has no say in what you spend your half on. This is a good way to deal with arguing about whether he gets to buy a video game or you get to buy a new purse.

Hope this helps

Answer 3

really just let him know that whenever he wants to take over the task of doing the finances tell himhe is more then welcome. Tell him that since you now have a home and other costs that he is unable to act like a kid anymore and may buy a game maybe every few months but at this time there is no money for gadgets and toys. Give him an allowance every paycheck once he is gone through that it's done really it sounds like parenting but sometimes us guys need a little wrangling to keep us from over spending.

He must be told house over your heads and a happy wife or toys and no money to pay bills one or the other not both!!!!

Answer 4

A word to the wise I used to handle all the money and my husband used to take only a small amount of cash, but he would want something clearly out of the budget and I would find myself saying go ahead because I didn't want to be a nag. The relationship became something of a parent child relationship. He had absolutely no responsibility to the family unit. Try to work out a solution between the two of you so that neither one of you takes over complete control. It is very bad for the marriage.

Answer 5

Have a discussion about the budget and set up a ledger with columns for various expenses, bills, savings, including entertainment, clothing and personal expenses etc. You could open a "household" bank account and put in a set amount each month to cover necessary expenses, bills, etc. Then each of you receive an allowance in cash or two separate accounts. When your allowance is exhausted you don't get to spend anymore. He isn't a child, he is an adult and anyone with financial responsibities has to learn to manage money.

Answer 6

If you want to keep the house, reins on the $$ are important.
One method that is kind of helpful is determining the 2 extra paydays in a year, whether weekly or biweekly.
That can be helpful for planning for variable expenses.
This dude needs an allowance, if he wants a roof over his head.
He'll need a small amt of discretionary $$ that he is allowed to spend without nagging. But, not enough to skid the budget.
Figure out how much fixed xpenses are (mortgage, utilities, food, gas, phone, cable, insurance, etc.)
One suggestion is that contributions to total fixed xpenses by 2 people should be figured by % of income instead of 50-50.
In other words, if you only make 35% of total income, you should only have to contribute 35% to total expenses. (Figure it by net income, because that's what you get to work with.)
Make sure that fixed expenses are covered b4 working with the discretionary stuff.
Saving needs to be figured in too.
You may want to send a child to college or retire someday.
Hope this helps.

Answer 7

I think you know this is an issue, So to keep bringing it up is not a good idea, So just pull extra out for the bills, and whatever is left is his.
also I know you may feel that games is junk and a waste of money, but to him it may be the only thing he has to show for working that is solely his.. Just like if you get your hair and nails done.
I know there are bills that have to be paid, but some ppl need to feel that they are working for something, and not to just pay bills.

Answer 8

Oh man that sucks - jointly put together a budget and agree to it.

Alternatively assign bills 50/50, then keep seperate savings if he has zero savings and then has to depend on you for money when the inevitable happens that is going to create resentment and be a recipe for divorce.

Tough call. You guys need to sit down and you need to bring him to the table and get him to grow up about this and be a man.

Answer 9

maybe coming up with things that you can buy for the house and allow him to part take in that than he will feel that he is doing something. make him think that he is doing something to benefit him more than you than he will be down. or you can allow him one luxury every so often. a person have to work every day to only pay bills. allow that man to live a little. GodBless

Answer 10

now all men are defensive - I am not. What I suggest is setup a budget and stick to it. If he can't then give him cash only. Not easy to handle I understand your frustration.

Also print out on-line balances to show him the debts..etc.