what's my mental condition?

Question

first of all, people might think that im angry, but actually im guilty
i think i have obsessive compulsive disorder, so i do things that i don't want to do and i have unwanted thoughts sometimes
a few years ago, i said f***ing jesus, which i really don't mean because im christian and i have nothing again him at all
i also have a rule where saying it in my mind is ok because i did it a numerous times, but saying it out loud or mumbling it, i can't bear it
so a few years ago, i said it out loud or mumbling, i can't remember well
a few days ago, i did it again, mumbling it
i think that i only said the f word and didn't say his name
but i felt guilty, but im ok now
but it's going to haunt me again some time later on
if i didn't mean it, then is it fine, or do i have to ask for forgiveness
i think i might also have anxiety disorder
im also doing this recently
i don't want to think about this, but sometimes it pops up of my head when i do something
47 minutes ago - 3 days left to answer.
Additional Details
47 minutes ago

everything except blasphemy is ok?
is this blasphemy?
1 hour ago - 3 days left to answer.
Additional Details
1 hour ago

when i feel that i've done wrong, i think that i will be punished in life, so i do everything with guilt like being punished
im in university studying, but this doesn't help at all
im getting headaches now
1 hour ago

does he know what im going through
do i still have to ask for forgiveness?
10 minutes ago - 3 days left to answer.
Additional Details
7 minutes ago

once again i say, i don't want to talk to anyone about this since people are telling me to
what happens if i don't ask for forgiveness, would bad things happen to me in life or is it just the matter of going to hell?
im kind of lazy in this way, so im also lazy to ask for forgiveness
i procrastinate it and say that i'll do that later, but before i ask for forgiveness, would i not be able to do things properly?
1 minute ago

i want to grow more, but would this have an effect on my growth?
0 seconds ago

is this depression?
3 days ago - 19 hours left to answer.
Additional Details
3 days ago

i'll get over it if you say that it's fine
21 minutes ago - 3 days left to answer.
Additional Details
13 minutes ago

im scared for god's sakes for having done this before
6 minutes ago

don't tell me to see someone, tell me if i should feel guilty or not

Answer 1

first and foremost, he does know what you are going through....so, that being said, should you say "I'm sorry?" yes, I think so.....if you bump into someone with a shopping cart, do you then say, "i didn't mean to, so no apology needed..." if a friend was annoyed and said, "you B," would you expect an apology, or just "i didn't mean it, so i shouldn't have to say I'm sorry....."

as far as punishment is concerned.....i believe that we are punished for our actions directly against God.....see Hebrews 12....God punishes us as a father punishes his child.....our parents punish us because they love us and want us to learn right from wrong....the same reason i punish my daughter when she does wrong.....

that being said, it does sound as go you are going through a hard time and possibly depression....i have experienced this as well........so i know where you are coming from...guilt is to be expected, but you are also expected to rise above and learn from past mistakes, this is advantageous whether you are a Christian or not......we all experience guilt and sadness in our lives, you must learn to overcome it.....

just being honest here....it's how i feel about the matter

doesn't sound like OCD at all........anxiety issues perhaps, but no OCD

Answer 2

You sound like a house divided against itself. You have a bunch of rules and beliefs in your head that your real self just can't live with. This is the reason for most compulsive behaviors. People invalidate the feelings they believe to be wrong or inapproppriate. Funny thing, invalidating feelings(telling yourself they're wrong or that you shouldn't be having them) doesn't make them go away. They just get stuffed in the back of a person's head somewhere and then pop out in the form of compulsions. This is the way human beings work. Feelings are not turned on and off by the concious mind. You can play a shell game with them and pretend they're not there. But they don't go away.
You're a human being. And you probably have some beliefs that you, as a human, can't live up to. Which is OK. You were made human. You can't do anything about that. If you can, start questioning your beliefs. Where did they come from? And why did you accept them without question? Maybe God is not what you think he is, not what some church authority says he is. As far as I know, nobody talks to God directly so nobody really knows what/how God thinks. All we do is take our best guess from what we see of the world. Does your idea of God match your reality? Maybe God is capable of giving you a break. Maybe God can love/understand a human being who's angry at him. I don't know better than anyone else. But just consider these things as a possibility.

Answer 3

Don't feel guilty about it. Sounds like you have OCD. God knows you may have a disorder so I'm sure he won't penalize you because he knows your heart is genuine.

Answer 4

you are repeating it because you are used of saying it and you put the thought in your mind that you can't stop and that it just pops up ...but from your thinking i can see that you are facing problems which deprives you of living normal life...I am sorry but you should seek help A.S.A.P