What do you think of this? 10 points for the best advice. Thank you?

Question

I discussed about love life with my host mom. She is 54 years old. She have had many relationships. She has more than 30 boyfriends. However, they relationships never last longer than 4 years. She love to read romance books---I knew deep down she is longing for the "soulmate" or " true love". Althought, she did not admit.

I told her --she jumps in and out off the relationship too quickly. She does not know how to really love, care, communicate, and compromine with her partners.

She did not respond me.

I am just wondering. From this information. Do you think I am right about this? Please advice. Thank you

I am 22 years old. Of course I want to learn from her mistake.

Answer 1

I believe you are correct. I've been thought the same thing. Any relationship depend on communication and compromise to make it work. Once the relationship have a bad communication or someone in the relationship stop compromising then the relationship goes bad. It is hard to find someone your age this smart.

Answer 2

As an older woman who has had a lot of relationships, what you say may be right, or she may just be choosing the wrong men! She reads Romance novels, but they don't offer a realistic view of men. Neither do any of the Hollywood movies. It takes some really honest soul searching to find out who you are. Then you have to decide what you will and will not compromise on. That is when you start to learn what you are really made of, and only then should you embark on a relationship quest.
It is wise also to test a man while dating, to see if he has the emotional mettle to work at a relationship or has personality quirks that aren't compatible. I can't stand jealousy, so I set up an innocent situation to see where he stands on that issue. It's a pass/fail test. No looking back. Think back to situations where you were forced to do things or accept things you did not ever feel good about. Those are the red flags I am talking about. You don't compromise on those issues. See if the future Mr. is able to avoid your red flags.

The best books I've ever read on the subject were "Mars and Venus On A Date" by John Gray. I reread it twice to make sure it sunk in. We women see the world entirely differently from men. They are much more pragmatic about life, and if she has been reading Romance novels, I can guarantee she is seeing the world through rose colored glasses. Dr. Phil has some great advice on relationships in his books, too.

Life was very different when she was growing up. Women did not have the opportunities they do now. A woman was supposed to live through her man and her family, not have a thought of her own. Any woman who did was considered a ball breaker, and completely un-feminine, and other women and men would shun her for it. It is still that way in many Eastern cultures. So don't be too hard on her.

Answer 3

Hi Cutie Pie: I used to wonder why, eastern culture was so set on the value of the journey and not the destination. The thing I learned was, on the way is where the adventure happens. But in order to stay on track, you have to have a set of standards. These guidelines will keep the bad mistakes to a minimum. When you make a mistake, that could possibly be the changing point of your entire life. Eg.. Getting pregnant when your young. I think you are right. Too many, " in and out," relationships, are not good for the soul. If you keep doing the same thing all the time and wonder why your life is in turmoil, you think it would be time to change your guidelines?

Answer 4

I would say that the romance novels feed her imagination and libido. After someone has been together for a few years (sometimes quicker) the powerful lust and newness in the relationship wears off and familiarity steps in. This can be a turn-off. She likes the swooning of seduction but becomes bored when the sex becomes routine and the prince charming becomes a fat, farting, bore... this is her preference ostensibly to not settle for anything less than her fantasy "Lover" and it's tragic because he is a fantasy and she may live alone unless she learns how to love someone. This could be that she doesn't yet know what she needs in a man and that the bodis-ripper books have flooded her thoughts with inferences that are not hers at all. I think you are right most of all. The problem is fantasy interfering with reality kind if like a really fat guy believing that he will marry a supermodel... not very plausible. Now you on the other hand should be just fine. Wait before you chose, wait alone, untill you find the right one, don't just chase them because you're scared to be alone. I will end on this, she is probably scared to be alone, not patient enough to wait and "settles" for someone who promises a way out of loneliness. I hope this hits the spot. I agree with you but the truth hurts. Best wishes in your life!

Answer 5

You sound right on the mark. We can't just get into relationships with people because they are nice. I think the fact that she reads romance novels all the time is a huge indication that she is a romantic at heart. However they could be sabbatoging her way of viewing real life. The way they write those books are very captivating but often not realistic. Unfortunately, we don't live in a fairy tale world. I believe she is desperately looking for Mr. Right but instead she is selling herself short and settling for Mr. Right now. Learn from her mistakes. Don't let anyone tell you that you have to find out for yourself. Don't miss your prince while you are so busy kissing all of these temporary frogs.

Answer 6

Potentially I think you are right, I also think that she may be idealizing those romance novels, not many of them will reflect the mistakes that guys will make, doesn't mean that they aren't your soul mate or true love. My Grandparents have been married for 56 years, and I know my grandpa makes tons of mistakes, after all he is a big kid!! The important thing to do you already know about, watch other relationships find out what works and what doesn't and form your own plan. As for your host mom there isn't much you can do people can only hope to change themselves not others.

Answer 7

It appears to me that you know more about life then you host mother and well she was surprised and well knew you spoke the truth when you said what you said. Someone that runs around with so many different men doesn't allow herself to get attached to one person and to fall in love and find commitment, or tofind compromise and devotion from one person.

She wants to find this special person but she just has a phobia of commitment or the whole love tackle she has been hurt in her past and finds it hard to trust another man.

I think you need to tell her that you want her to happy and what she is doing right now is just filling a void in her life but isn't bringing her the happiness she desires.

Tell her she need to weed through the guys and find the guy that makes her the happiest and work on making something more of it. Until she does this her life will be empty and well lonely tell her it is time to trust again and find someone to love for the rest of her life.

Answer 8

You may or may not be right about your host mom. There are a lot of reasons why someone would have so many partners, and not all of them hinge on being unable to communicate and compromise with your partner. Many women simply have bad taste in men, or will attach themselves to any man for validation, which can lead to abuse.

My advice to you would be to do what you think is right in a relationship. If your instinct is to leave, for any reason, go with that. Do what is best for you, and remember that your personal well-being is more important than any relationship. If it is a truly healthy and positive relationship, you won't have conflicting feelings about it.

Answer 9

RIGHT OR WRONG! Your opinion of her love life is just that,
based on your values. Is it not presumptious to say that longevety does not necessarily garantee a love well done, does it? Nothing holy has ever been achieved through denial. Each to his own. You have nothing shameful, least of all your body. True your idea of love differs but what is wrong, a women who loves variety or is a martyr who stands is a 20year relationship of doing right. Or a priest who hides behind his robe, declaing his holiness, while wanting little boys. If your host mom declares her truth, let it be. RIGHT OR WRONG! You want to be wright!

Answer 10

What I have learned so far is that some people treat love like a noun instead of a verb.

People think of love as something that just sort of happens to them. A feeling they get. A wave of emotion that comes over them like some silly song. And they wait for their "true love", their "soulmate". That one person who was created just for them by some higher being in the universe. They are controlled by their emotions, and once that feeling is gone they assume "Oh, he is not the one".

I personally think there is something more to love than that. Loving someone is something you have to DO, not something that just happens. You choose to love someone. There are good days, and there are bad days, but every day you can wake up and you can make that choice. The choice to love your partner. One day maybe they leave the toilet seat up, or say something insensitive... and some days the choice to love them is harder than other days...

I personally think that the secret to making relationships work is making that choice, day in, day out, and realising that everything in life is choice... it might take some of the magic and romance out of the whole thing... but it has worked for me so far.