my wife has fallen out of love with me?

Question

I have been married for 10 years and did not realize I was pushing my wife away. My wife started going through a bad depression after having our son. It took us 3 years to have him and had tried 3 more years to have another but no luck. I didn't realise how bad she was depressed and did not give her the love and attention she needed. She told me this weekend that she wants to leave me. Said that she loves me but is not in love with me. I know it is all my fault and am willing to do anything to gain her love back. I love her and our son very much and never meant to hurt her the way I did. What can I do to make her fall in love with me again?

Answer 1

Don't give up on her..10 years is a long, long time to be with someone, & I think that in a relationship that long, it's so easy to become so comfortable with your life that you forget the little things that are important. Unfortuantely also when kids come along, it's a whole lot harder to have one on one time together the way it used to be. Do you tell her how important she is? How much you appreciate all the little things she does for you? Sometimes it's the simplist of words that can make all of the difference to how one feels. I think maybe going to a councellor would be a great idea...or maybe she just needs some good quality time to herself to gather her thoughts & feelings. Give her some space, and ask her where she thinks it all went wrong...ask her what you can do to change things. Just remember to listen to her words, and follow through with them- not just for a week or two until things blow over, but for good. It's a hard thing these days to find your soulmate...so if shes really worth hanging on to, don't go down easy. Us women are strange creatures, & I'm sure you will find it's attention, respect , a bit of help & the occasional bit of romance like a gentle rub on the back or words like I appreciate you that we like to hear. I wish you the best of luck with everything...just go gentle & be very patient.

Answer 2

Have you asked HER this same question? If she has some form of Post partum depression that has manifested itself into a form of clinical depression, then maybe you should ask her to see a doctor before making any decisions. If she agrees to all this, then my next suggestion would be asking grandma and grandpa to babysit for a weekend and you two spend some quality time together. Remember what you did to almost lose her, and start doing exactly the opposite. Bring home flowers when she least expects it, clean the house while she's not home. A woman doesn't always need expensive gifts to know you love her and care about her, it's knowing what she really wants, (sometimes just a little help) that will make the biggest impact. You know, the little things. Good luck.

Answer 3

It sounds like that fire was banked long ago. My first husband felt that way when I left him. I tried to get back together with him, but it was just over. It's hard when you don't realize what you have until it's gone, which was the outcome of a later relationship I had, but sometimes it's better to just leave well enough alone.

There obviously was something that made you step back from her. I can relate to that feeling as well. However, 10 years is a long time to waste in an unhappy marriage. How much longer do you plan on spending in this unhappy relationship?

I would suggest maybe one last try at making things right with her. Give it your best shot, and see if she is giving it hers. A lot of what stops pregnancies is stress.

If things don't work out, have the courage to walk away. It's hard, but sometimes that will be what is best. Pray about it.

Answer 4

Dang dude, I'm sorry to hear that. I'm pretty much going through the same thing as you though, minus the kids.

Has your wife done anything about her depression? She should really do something about that first before she even considers leaving you. Have her see a psychologist or a doctor, maybe they'll prescribe something for her. Depression is pretty common, and I don't think she has anything to gain by leaving you, especially if you're willing to do anything to change for her.

If you're really stuck, you can try taking your wife to one of these weekend retreats, they're really helpful in getting the two people to communicate better with each other:

http://www.retrouvaille.org/pages.php?page=1

Good luck to you!

Answer 5

YOU didn't do this. This is typical female thinking, pal. She believes that there is someone out there that will whisk her away and romance her by candlelight, walk on the beach at midnight, curise the ocean on a private yacht and then live happily ever after in a chateau in France. I hate to tell you this but here's the real truth: a woman never leaves a man unless she has already met another. You need to put your hurt aside and go find the most vicious lawyer in the state. It's the only way you will ever be able to protect yourself and your son.

Answer 6

I can't believe no one has answered this question correctly. When someone tells you she "loves you but is not in love with you" and wants to end it, it is generally a sign that there is someone else. And when that happens, the problems of the marriage are usually too many and too deep to fix. You might offer to go to counseling, but if there is someone else all she wants to do is end it.

Because you have a child, it is critical that you consider the long-term ramifications. Even if she is not your wife anymore, she will always be your son's mother, and if you are actually divorced you will need to work with her until your son graduates from college. How your marriage breaks up will, to a large degree, determine how well you can work with her.

Son, there ain't no way to make someone love you, and this is not a slave state: no one has to be married to someone if they don't want to. It takes two to make a marriage but it only takes one to end it.

Despite your terrible internal turmoil, take the necessary steps NOW to protect your long-term interests with your son, and if indeed the marriage is over then end it with as much grace, class and tact as is possible.

Answer 7

Be patient and kind and understanding. Let her know how committed you are. Even if she leaves you will always be her child's father, so you can create a loving partnership and support for her that will surely glow with love and caring. Even if it takes a few years, and maybe it should, this is the best investment you can make. Treat her with much tenderness and support. ***Take good care of yourself too and try and heal all stress and depression you've carried as well.**** If things are calm enough, invite her to the beach or to a child's play, or an outdoor music concert, something fun that you can enjoy together as a family. Be patient and plan how to be loving and supportive for the next few years at the least.

Answer 8

I can't believe that people are telling you to dump her. That is down right insane. 10 years of marriage is a long time to give up without struggle. If it was anything else you wouldn't roll over and play dead would you?

I'd start with asking her to try and make it work. Most people would be willing to give a week or a month a chance. If she is willing to give it a chance, don't expect it to be resolved in a week or a month, you took years to tear down will take take time to rebuild, but it is definitely worth the effort.

Your going to need help, I would suggest a pastor or marriage counselor and even if she won't go you need to go. You will get advice from someone who has seen this countless times before and it will show her that you are at least halfway serious. In marriage its never over till its over and even then it can still sometimes still be saved.

Answer 9

You cant brother. You have to pray that the best outcome will come. My freind is going thru the very same thing and all the trying and begging he did just ended up pushing her away. Now he is left with nothing because she took everything because he hoped that giving her everything would show her how much he loved her and she would at least feel guilty and she would come back. But, ofcourse it didn't happen and now he has to knock at his door to be able to pick up his child. Brother, if you read this. Remember, life keeps moving. Imagine your life without her in 5 years, you will meet someone. In what kind of financial, emotional, mental state you want to be in. Take care of yourself, look out for yourself because I guarantee thats exactly what shes doing. If she wasn't she wouldn't be leaving. Take care brother, I hope for the best for you.

Answer 10

I think you should be open to her explain to her that you are sorry for being distant with her and that you are willing to do anything to work on the marriage and that you are also sad and unhqappy that you could not have another kid but really this give you the opportunity to give this child twice the love. have you ever brought up the idea of adoption. If she wants another child so bad there are probably many to adopt.

Really though if she has sad this then there may just be nothing to do then get on with your life and let her go.