stay mad at him all of the time. It seems like he does something everyday that upsets me or hurts my feelings or just plain pisses me off. I can't even say what it is that he's done. I take everything he says personally, even if he means it jokingly. I need to figure out why he's getting on my nerves so badly. I don't want to push him away. I need serious help. What in the world is going on with me??
I'm 31...been married for 8 1/2 years...been together for 14 years.
2007-11-24 14:21:01 · 24 answers · asked by ncgirl 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You got it right. Who knows what is bothering you, but if you can't figure it out I suggest some professional help before it sours the marriage.
2007-11-24 14:24:38 · answer #1 · answered by George 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Does he know this? If so tell him well after the fight CALMLY. I've done the same to my wife but my open mind and persistance has helped me to discover my own flaws and I constantly work to improve myself. We have survived these tough times. My guess is that there is some disparity between you two possibly a status quo that is not met. It could be an emphasis on who contributes more, an educational difference, or several other things. You are at a time in your life where you have a need to deepen commitments and make some important new choices (like have a baby? go back to school/work? or leave behind old lifestyles.). You may find yourself saying, "What do I want out of this life?". You may feel like he is being condescending from him trying to keep you at home or otherwise under his control. There can be so many other things going on. Including hormonal problems, depression, and others. You guys need to talk and maybe even couples therapy if you want to feel better. Be ready to do what needs to happen to fix it if possible but don't hesitate to do something. Also about therapy, he will most likely be threatened so be gentle. He may say that things aren't that bad to see someone. Therapy works best before things get too bad. Also do not talk about it until you calm down. Most importantly do not say "I love you BUT..." because the "but" makes that seem untrue (personal experience). Make sure that you are thoughtful, heartfelt, true, and BLUNT! because if you aren't it won't come accross right. Another good way is cry... like a baby... it kills us dead every time and makes us nearly do the same (if we care)... finally if all this, talk, cry, and therapy doesn't work dig deep down and find love or none. This is the best I can do with what you have told me... if I had more I could share more from my life... I have been through a lot. I hope you find a way to feel better and I hope your husband can see his way towards progress too. Best wishes!
2007-11-24 22:52:00 · answer #2 · answered by Kyle of Romany 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmm, I think your problem is due to lack of communication. If he's the kind of guy I'm thinking of, I'm sure he's just trying his best to make you happy, yeah I'll admit, its never the best gestures.
If you do love him, I'm guessing that after 8 1/2 years there must have been some lack of communication that gives him the need to do this. If it bothers you, tell him of your concerns. I don't think it should be him thats getting on your nerves. No offense but I'm thinking that if a small joke brings out the worst in you, there must be something else that's concerning you and you feel like your husband cracking a lame one is really the last thing you need right now.
Talk. if you two aren't capable of being able to tell each other how you feel, it makes you wonder how you two ended up together in the first place. Lets talk if you'd like.
2007-11-24 22:38:25 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you ever heard of the 7 year itch? Doesn't have to be 7 years, but I think after people are together awhile and the initial excitement and romance is over, you have to work at keeping things fresh and exciting. Otherwise people start looking elsewhere for what they don't get at home. Even if its justs good conversation or being paid attention to. At least you recognize somethings going on. Maybe you could let him know. Everyone has rough spots in their marriage and you said you love him very much, so I would think you can work it out. Good Luck.
2007-11-24 22:31:04 · answer #4 · answered by William B music lover 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Time to lay the law down with him. Tell him you are the boss and that you expect him to do as you say and to start doing his fair share of the work around the house.
He obviously is doing something that is subconsciously bothering you and most men are guilty of not doing their share of housework. So get to the bottom of it and then make him stop goofing off. Tell him that as a woman you are the superior force in the relationship and that lately just the sight or thought of him reminds you of how much he is not carrying his weight around the house.
Be firm, be assertive and your man will be at your beck and call, and you'll be happy again.
Good luck
2007-11-24 22:53:34 · answer #5 · answered by Tim 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this is a physical issue hon. People dont just become jerks to thier significant other out of the blue one day, not without some sor of emotional trauma. the bad news is this is a cycle of meanness. bitchy to him, so hes an asshole to you, even if hes joking then your still pissed about the last comment. its will just get worse for every one. and im sure he has noticed too. I sudgest you see an MUD about it ASAP. Maybe a hormone therapist. u wont be the first woman to hit menapause at 31. this could help, just remember... patients. is the way to go. good luck
2007-11-24 22:32:21 · answer #6 · answered by biggbluewolf 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because basicly you've been married 14 years, and from 17 to 31 a LOT changes....you are not the same person, and neither is he......you need a break so you can look at him and realize what you have and how special it is....and how rare. I mean a REAL, soul searching, adventure.....good luck!
2007-11-24 22:36:10 · answer #7 · answered by 123..WAIT! 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For starters, you got married to young. Your seeing your friends are still going to parties and so-on. Try planning a vacation together with out the kids. Find a mediator to sit-in on a discussion between you two. Otherwise, formal counseling would be my guess.
2007-11-24 22:34:09 · answer #8 · answered by unforgiven r 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would recommend seeing your family physician. Tell him about your moods and I'm sure he will run some blood tests to check your estrogen levels. I was 38 and began experiencing the same problem. Went to the doctor and sure enough my estrogen was low. I also had a problem with being forgetful and not being able to concentrate. When I first went to the doctor he asked me what was going on and I told him I thought I needed Prozac!!! I told him I wasn't leaving without it----he ran the tests-----I left with a prescription for Premarin. Now I'm fine.
Good luck with your hubby!
2007-11-24 22:39:39 · answer #9 · answered by babybear330682000 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It appears you already know that you should consult a therapist and get to the bottom of your problems. Really get a handle on it or you will push him away. Would you like to have your head taken off for no reason I think not.
2007-11-24 22:33:43 · answer #10 · answered by Livinrawguy 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ummm...are you saying that you cannot control yourself? Is he doing anything to cause this? Is there a resentment toward him, since you're together for most of your adult life, and now you're totally settled?
I'd recommend a therapist, as if this is left to keep festering, it's going to do damage to the marriage. Your husband is only human, and can only take so much (same as you).
Please do take measures to ease this situation before adding to the misery statistics (as I have).
2007-11-24 22:29:41 · answer #11 · answered by Ben YY 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋