How do I deal with my fiances' female friend?

Question

I do trust him but not her. They are too chummy. I'm not invited to go anywhere with them cause "their life circles shouldnt intertwine, thats why they can be friends, their lives are totally separate". They joke about the weirdest stuff and go to sex exibits at museums together. The last time I allowed a female friend I got cheated on. I'm scared and dont know what to do. I love him and don't want to lose him but this female situation really makes me nervous. oh yeah he lets her into his deepest thoughts and inner fears and i'm always locked out as to not worry me. Isn't it my job as his woman to hold him down, keep his head above water, be his ear, his shoulder, the person he can tell everything to? what the HECK do I do?

i have told him how i feel about it and he did cut off communication then claimed to be in ulser pain and slipped into a depression. it seems like he cant live without this 1 female since he hasnt tried to find another friend other than a chick. her b/f doesnt like their friendship either. they are just a tad too close. he knows i cant stand this but what do i do? its either my comfort or his sanity the way he puts it towards me. we've argued about this chick didnt speak for days over her. i just think they r too close. he says her purpose is to be his ear then why cant they talk on the phone only? why must they hang out and go places i'm not invited to go? and he doesnt like the fact that my best friend is an ex of mine so i cut him off (like a butt head) for his comfort. i found other meens to vent he should too! arent I worth that? isn't my comfort worth that? i'm confused and dont wanna nag & push him away

no he is not the guy that cheated on me in the past with a female friend. we have almost 3 yrs under our belt and this friendship happened about a yr ago. the wedding isnt planned until 2010 but wow isnt this a lil early for cold feet? and yes im not invited to do anything with them or double date with her him her b/f and myself and i can have only a brief introduction to calm my beast with her but he really doesnt wanna give me that. i was told nothing has gone on between them besides a small poke of a boob after she play slapped him. now what?

oh i was invited to see the sex exibit but not with them. i was invited to go the weekend before they were going cause he would do nothing with her that he hasnt done with me. i hope these edits find the people that answered my question cause your feed back is much appreciated and the next time they have anything planned im inviting myself to tag along

Answer 1

Based on what you have said his relationship is inappropriate and you should make it clear you expect to be #1 in his life not #2...in time spent, in joint activities, in true intimacy where you share fears etc.

If he cares about you he will adjust. Don't demand he do anything just express how it makes you feel. His reaction will be very telling. If he blames you and attacks this is a major issue. If he listens and promises to try to modify the situation then you are doing better. If he actually follows through on what he says then good for both of you you are building a mutually committed marriage.

Good luck.

Answer 2

how gullible can u b, start inviting yourself 2 their life circle, as now u are supposed to be his life circle, it isnt trusting her u need to worry about she has made no commitment to u he has, so it is him u have to trust as nothing can happen with them unless he allows it, and dont make excuses for a man that says she came on to him and it just happened, and sex exibits, if he was inviting u 2 all these things and u didnt want to go that would be one thing but if they are not inviting u then what are they hiding i dont believe in jelously but that doesnt mean u have to act like u are blind either u get included or u take a walk, u wouldnt be asking this question if u thought nothing was happening and like i said dont be so gullible lots of men and women have friends of the opposite sex but they dont leave their other half uninvited or in the dark, and when ever a woman has a feeling that something is going on 97 percent of the time her instincts are right so wake up, like i said jelously is not good but it depends on how u handle yourself, as long as u dont behavely violently and act like a reasonable adult it isnt that it is your business and if u were being invited this would be different, and believe me their behavior does not get better with marriage the best way to deal with this female friend is when they get ready to leave put your shoes on grab your purse and go with them if there is a fuss by one of them then u have your answer and u need to walk without any drama and good riddence, cause if u are having this problem now it will only get worse

Answer 3

first off, if you trusted him, it wouldn't matter what she did becasue you would know he wouldn't allow her to do inappropriate things. however, just the details from what you said make me think he is cheating. he is disrespecting you and your relationship by allowing a female to be his friend when he is completely unwilling to allow you to be a part of that friendship. that says to me that there is more there than he is admitting to and he doesn't want you to find out about it. as for him sharing his deepest feelings with her and not you should be a huge red flag that he has feelings for her that he does not have for you. if a man is truly in love with you and committed to you, then he would be telling you all the things he is telling ehr. he would be spending the time with you and doing the things with you that he is doing with her, and he also would not keep you from being friends with her. you need to talk to him asap and ask him what his intentions are with her and how he really feels. don't take any bs answers and tell him that if he intends to keep you in his life then he better decide what is more important, a female friend who is not his significant other, or you. you never said how long he was friends with this lady, but it sounds to me like cold feet pre wedding. you also did not say if he is the same guy that cheated on you, but I would assume so if the suspicion is there. good luck, and if he cant give you the answers you are looking for and make you feel at ease about the entire situation, then I would move on before you do choose to marry him and he cheats. she sounds like more than a friend to me, and I would find out before you get hurt. good luck.

Answer 4

You first must permit him recognize that your uncomfortable with it, in order that he has the threat to spot together with your emotions. Then enable him to provide an explanation for to you why it's that their high-quality peers and if they've ever had a sexual or bodily connection closer to one one other. If he can let you know there may be most likely not anything there then you've gotten pre-marriage ceremony jitters which is able to carry approximately insecurities. Oops..simply learn the relaxation of your main issue, get a restraining order, its seen that shes no longer simply there for the friendship.

Answer 5

This is a tough one. You are definitely correct about being the person he should be confiding in. I would be scared in this situation as well. On the other hand, you don't want to look like you are insecure or jealous. I don't like the idea of you not being invited to go places with them. I know everyone has their own friends, but everything you have mentioned is too weird for words. Try talking to your fiance and let him know how you feel. Don't punish him for your past though. Good luck.

Answer 6

Tell him to end contact with her that it is putting stress on you and that you do not trust her. That if he loves you that he will tell her that he can no longer communicate with her that the friendship is over. That he is an engaged man that loves his fiance and that he must do anything to make her happy. If he can not do this then maybe call everything off really a man should only have one female friend and that is his wife or in your case the fiance.

God Bless and Congrats, Best Wishes.

Answer 7

If he knows that you were cheated on in your last r'ship because of a "friend" who was a girl, then he should understand your insecurity in this area. You're absolutely right to feel worried about it, especially since he shares such private, deep feelings and thoughts with her.....and not you! That's not right at all. He can't expect you to marry him when he shares a part of himself with another woman that he refuses to share with you. Look,he obviously thinks of his friendship as innocent but you need to explain to him how these things that start innocently can turn into something more, especially when there are emotions involved. He should be putting YOUR feelings ahead of worrying if he'll offend or hurt HER. YOU are going to be his wife and SHOULD be his very best friend. In my experience, any time a man wants to have separate part of his life, he's hiding something and doesn't want you to see how he acts in front of her. He can't expect you to not be worried when he refuses to let you into their little inner circle.

Answer 8

Okay I was in the same boat as you.

My husband worked at a place where many women work. He became friends with a girl who said "She wasnt a husband stealer" and she liked me etc. etc.

BUT whenever I woudl see her out in public she wouldnt speak to me.

I told my husband what I thought, he said I was just looking WAY to much into it.

Well a few months ago my husband got hurt at work and hasnt been abel to go back. She wrote him a letter and had a friend of hers deliever it to our house.

We opened it together, and sure enough it said how he was the only one who could make her laugh, she missed him, gave him her number, and said if he needed ANYTHING (in big letters) to call her..and signed it "love"----- I was pissed.

He is no longer speaking to her.

You should tell him how you feel and you should be able to hang out with them as well. He is YOUR husband, and YOUR best friend. And he shouldnt tell you No on something like that.

If he fights with you over it, there is more than likely something going on.

Good luck.

Answer 9

this is a funny situation...she sounds more like his woman than you. if you obsess over this, it could potentially drive a wedge between you two. i'm assuming that the last time you were cheated on, it wasn't with this guy. how long has you guy been friends with this girl? if they have been long time friends, there may be nothing there that is anymore than a friendship, but if they just became aquainted...anywho, let him know how you feel. ask him how he feels about it. heck, i'd ask him if he has ever been intimate with her. that might shed some light on the situation. hopefully he can be honest enough with you to accpept your questions and that he'll be open enough to give you honest answers. be honest with yourself and honest with him and i hope he can be the same with you. i wish you all the best

Answer 10

well, it sounds like you are in a relationship with 2 other people. tell him how you feel, ask for what you want, and if he doesn't respect your feeling and honor your request (ie stop dating the other woman), dump him. he's being emotionally intimate with another woman and so far you're putting up with it.
why?
yeah, you love him.
so why do you love someone who would behave this way and treat you this way.
oh, that's right, he's really nice and good to you, except for this one thing. well, if it's only this one thing, than it can't be that big of a deal.