I can't believe it's happenning again! My husband whom I thought was perfect and very much in love with me, (which is why I married him) is now starting to sigh...take me for granted! My last boyfriend before him did the same thing after a year. I felt like a piece of furniture who only became noticeable when it was time for sex. Now my husband is the same way lately. We don't see each other all day (work) and then he comes home and sits on the computer all night. He talks to his best friend on the phone and knows all about his life, but always forgets what I tell him or barely listens when I'm talking. Yesterday I stopped my story half way through while telling it to him and he didn't even notice! He also never tries to look good for me anymore and just comes home and puts on his sweat pants. Does this mean he doesn't want me anymore, and if so, why does he bother to stay?
2007-11-24 12:25:44 · 12 answers · asked by stripedbook 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
No. He is content like me. I have been this bad with my own wife of 10 years. sometimes she is like that with me. If you want to make it work don't be afraid of causing some ripples in the pond. Tell him how you feel. Chances are he has no IDEA how you feel or that you feel so strongly. You may have to fight. Guys are dumb like that or at least I am. If you fight...Fight until you get true communication. don't give up or you have lost the battle and eventually the war. if it gets too heated wait 5 or 10 min....Just silence....Let him think...let it soak in then try again. If it isn't worth this trouble to make the marriage work then the marriage wasn't worth anything to start with..... Be sure to consider all answers because i do not qualify as a mirriage counsler
2007-11-24 12:43:22 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand how you feel totally. The same thing is happening to me right now. I was previously married for five years and my husband at the time decided one day that he didn't love me anymore. There was no warning. Two years later, I met the greatest guy in the world (they always seem that way at first). My husband does the same thing. He gets off work and goes straight to either the computer to play wow or to the Xbox. He also has a "best friend" who he seems to have a better relationship than me. There have been several occasions where I just stop talking in mid sentence becasue what's the point? and just like with you he doesn't notice. I wish I could give you advice, but I don't know what to do about my situation either. Maybe it will help you to know that you are not alone. I'm going to bring up counceling with him, maybe you should do the same. Hope things get better for you.
2007-11-25 01:32:07 · answer #2 · answered by nancy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you ever watched one of those African animal shows on TV? Did you ever notice how perky and interested the male lions get before mating season or just before a kill? Man, they are biting and chasing and ...well you know. Then after the mating or the kill they kind of just sit back, relax and fall a sleep. Sound familiar? You have been conquered. Where's the chase? Where's the hunt? It's over, not much to get exited about, if that's all the relationship was centered on.
He obviously doesn't find what you have to say interesting anymore. Do you talk to him or talk at him? Do you discuss deep thoughtful issues or just tell him how your day was? I mean after the "it was OK" part of that convo. I would be bored. Do you talk about what you want to accomplish together? If you want the lion to hunt the game has to be tempting or the lion has to be hungry. He has you, when he wants you, so why hunt? I would suggest to you that you may have lost that desire as well. Do you try to tempt him with new ideas (playful and otherwise?) Since this has happened to you before, maybe it is you who has the issue here. Are you an outgoing personable person, who strikes up a conversation with anyone anywhere? Or are you happy to just keep it simple? Simple is good, but can become boring for some. Think about who you are and just exactly what you want out of a relationship. Then, tempt the lion or accept the lamb.
2007-11-24 20:40:37 · answer #3 · answered by Yoda 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately - most relationships end up this way ( i think!)
You two see each other every day - you're married - so there's no real challenge of "keeping" you.
He is very comfortable with you & feels like it doesn't matter what he does.
You may wish to try to do more activities with him outside the home. Suggest you go for a "date" - dinner, movies, bowling, casino, walk at the park, aquarium, museum - whatever you like. Add a little something different to your boring daily routine!!!
Imagine if you had to eat peanut butter & jelly sandwiches every day of your life - for the next 60 years. You may LOVE them to death - but it's going to get boring after a while & you will loose the enthusiasm you once had. Silly analogy, i know - but it's true ;p
I am sure he loves you - it's just not that fresh, new exciting thing you had initially - that's what happens to everyone! You get used to each other & way too comfortable. And you do tend to take each other for granted. How do YOU act towards him?? Do you take him for granted or nag him or whatever?? You might do that without realizing it, and he just gets tired of dealing with that too. I don't know your personal situation obviously - but the lack of enthusiasm usually goes both ways.
2007-11-24 20:34:44 · answer #4 · answered by Rue 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
There will really come a point in your married life where coldness seems to hang in the air. It's really frustrating esp when insecurities started to flood in. But try to hold your marriage together and that will work from there. He would not be married to you if he doesnt love you at all. Try to be positive, stay beautiful and do a little extra effort making him feel that he did the right thing marrying you.
2007-11-24 20:52:33 · answer #5 · answered by yummyplum 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Men are conquerors--they like the chase and then when they get their woman (they are cavemen at heart) , they tend to lose interest once they feel like they have accomplished their mission. Why not try branching out on your own more---you may be relying on your husband totally for your happiness. Branch out, develop new friendships and interests--and then he may realize that you are not going to sit around and wait for him to notice you. Also, try talking to him, you might ask, "I have noticed that you dont seem to have as much interest and you seem to zone out when I talk, what can I do about this?"-- and ask him for his thoughts. Maybe now is the time to find out any problems and nip those problems in the bud.
2007-11-25 14:55:14 · answer #6 · answered by skyward 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
he may feel the same way too start showing more interest in him then usuall whether its a quick call during the day to see how is day is going or just to say you miss him and love him. He will see what you are trying to do and he will try as well.
2007-11-24 20:38:57 · answer #7 · answered by Crystal B 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Uuuuugh, men! So many of them claim their wives do this too! I guess we are all guilty or at least capable of falling into a comfort zone when it comes to committed relationships. We all need to realize that just because we've found someone to share our life with it doesn't mean that we can stop nurturing that relationship.
2007-11-24 20:33:44 · answer #8 · answered by gypsy g 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He is a jerk period. Now, the problem may be with you. Don't get defensive, we tend to seek out the same type of people over and over. Determine what you want and need and then go get it. There are good men available.
2007-11-24 20:32:55 · answer #9 · answered by The Voice of Reason 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
If you want him to know something TELL him. Men are stupid when it comes to relationships. Without help most will never figure it out on there own.
2007-11-24 20:57:38 · answer #10 · answered by zeldazeebra 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋