I told my husband before that it was either me or her. He was living with her but finally moved back home and moved all of his stuff out of her place. That showed me that he wanted to be home.
I know he is still talking to her and seeing her. If I tell him to stop, he will say that he isn't talking to her. What can I do to show him I want him to be with me and me only?
2007-11-24 12:22:28 · 40 answers · asked by blue eyes 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Instead of making him decide, you decide for yourself. Decide if you want to be treated with love and respect, decide whether or not you want your self dignity back, decide whether or not you or sick of this yo-yo effect between you and this mistress. We have got to stop giving men all of the power, power which holds the key to our happiness. I know you love him and you are hoping for the best, but sometimes, our hope isn't enough. When we find ourselves in these situations, we have to decide how much we do love ourselves. If he can't love and treat you the way you need to be treated then drop him. I'm sorry to say this but once you show them that you'll put up with this crap(yo-yo effect between women) then that is the way you are going to be treated, but if you first respect yourself and show dignity then you will receive it. I'm sorry to say but deep down I feel he needs you a whole lot more than you need him, take away his power leave him.
2007-11-24 13:09:25 · answer #1 · answered by stepintostep 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
OMG! Tell me this question is just to get a rise out of people on here. First of all why do you need to make him choose?? You can choose for him. And that would be LEAVING! Any decent woman with self respect and dignity would have walked out after finding out their husband was cheating. So he moved back in with you, it's obvious things with the mistress aren't over. WHY should he choose when clearly you've made it so easy for him to drag his a.s.s about making a choice. I wouldn't give the S.O.B a choice. I would take my sh*t and leave! "What can I do to show him I want him to be with me and only me?". One word to describe that sentence. PATHETIC! I thought that by marrying someone IT MEANS THAT YOU TWO ONLY WANT EACHOTHER FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIVES. What part of marriage did your husband not understand. You need to get a backbone and get the hell out of this marriage. You are only hurting yourself by staying and being a hopeaholic that one day you will be his one and only. Obviously he has issues that go beyond what's on the surface. He's not gonna end it with her anytime soon. And why should he when he has a wife that's willing to stick around and be a fool.
2007-11-24 12:54:05 · answer #2 · answered by grneyedgrly 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
YOU can't do anything. You can't control his actions. I don't know why you wanted him back after he had been with her. You must have low self esteem, and you might want to start seeing a counselor to see why you would put up with that terrible behaviour. You don't have a marriage anymore because he broke the vow to forsake all others. In the position you have put yourself in now all you can do is wait and hope that he won't leave you for her, even though you will never trust him again. I'm sorry youre in these shoes. I'v been there. It sucks. The best thing I did (although it took me years) was to get rid of the cheater. I wish I had done it sooner.
2007-11-24 12:28:33 · answer #3 · answered by stripedbook 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Lady, your marriage is over! You can either invite the mistress to live with you and the hubby or you can take the power from your hubby (letting him decide) and make decisions on your own and leave the bastard becaue he is NOT going to stop seeing her because of you or he would have never left you for her in the first place.
2007-11-24 12:28:57 · answer #4 · answered by Mean Carleen 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your first mistake was letting him back in the door without making sure that all ties between them were severed. how do you make him choose? Easy, make the choice for him. Kiss his cheating butt out on his kisser. If he wants you, if his choice is you then he'll do what needs to be done to keep you or he will stay with her and you was never his choice to begin with. It may sound harsh but you need a reality check. If you want proof of their communications check his cell phone bill, bug his work phone. Truth is he may not ever choose you the way you want to be chosen. Can you deal with that? Can you deal with being his second choice? Ask yourself what you are willing to deal with and what you arent before you make your next move
2007-11-24 12:44:10 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't "make" him choose. He will of his own accord. Plus if he was or even is still seeing a mistress then that obviously means he is a jerk and is not getting what he wants out of your relationship. He doesn't appreciate nor love you for who you are, so why stick around? You deserve someone who won't leave you for some bimbo just because he feels like it.
2007-11-24 13:08:55 · answer #6 · answered by becca 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are his wife, he shouldnt have to make a choice, he shouldnt have a mistress.. you shouldnt give him a choice. He made the decision to move in with her while married to you, then you let him come back.. ugg.. Once a cheater always a cheater. There may be nothing that you can do to show him you want to be with him. He made his decision to cheat, let her keep him if shes means that much to him for him to move in with her..
2007-11-24 12:57:32 · answer #7 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I really don't know whether to believe your story or not...All your Q&A's are private.....and you posted this earlier today and asked the same question....Did you not get the answeres you were looking for earlier? Most people would think you are the crazy one...for staying with a man that has a mistress...and that you are willing to have a small percentage of him....versus non of him....
2007-11-24 12:56:02 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go to counseling. The therapist will tell him to give up the girlfriend...I guarantee it. This happened in my family, so I know firsthand. If he doesn't give up the girlfriend or says he can't make the decision...make it for him. Kick his cheating *** out the door and find a good lawyer. Do NOT...and I repeat...do NOT leave your home. Make him leave. You are not the one at fault. Become a detective, document things which you can use against him in court. Believe me, family court judges cannot stand adulterers. Good luck and God bless. You are too good for this SOB.
2007-11-24 12:30:30 · answer #9 · answered by Christine J 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your first mistake is giving him a choice. Once he realizes there is no choice its either only you or hit the curb and stay till the garbage man comes and takes him with the trash. He isn't the one who needs to decide. You need to decide that you will not put up with any involvement with this other woman. What are you gonna do if he gets her pregnant. Just think you are sleeping with every man she ever slept with also. YUCK... Tell him to grow up or leave.
2007-11-24 12:38:08 · answer #10 · answered by penny b 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋