My husband is an alcoholic who just got of detox and now he is being a jerk to me and his 2 daughters. When I dropped him off at the shelter where he will be staying for awhile he just got his stuff and left without even blinking an eye toward any feelings toward his girls. What do I do with him sicne the girls deserve to have a father who cares about them. open to any suggestions. I am about fed up to here with his attitude and considering not letting him near the girls or I for awhile but with the holidays coming around i want my oldest to spend the holidays with him but only if treats the situation with respect not attitude. SO HELP ME!!
2007-11-24 11:48:16 · 15 answers · asked by mommalyle 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You know him better then we do . Do you feel he may get better with time? If you do let him spend time with his daughters for the holidays. Everybody goes through rough time in their lives some get over it and move on to be and do better things with their lives others just give up. If you think your husband is the kind to give up on his life with his wife and beautiful children then give up on him and continue on. Your kids do need a father but sometimes mommy has to be daddy too.
2007-11-24 12:02:35 · answer #1 · answered by j_thang_2001 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
First I'll ask the same question as someone else ...why is he staying at a shelter and not with his family? It sounds like there is more going on here than what you've told us.
Other than that you have to understand that he's not "cured" after a stay in the detox. He has a long road to walk before his life gets backs to normal and as much as you (and he) may want to rush this along you just can't.
The most important thing for him (and you and your girls) is his recovery, he needs to put a LOT of effort into this and he is undoubtedly scared and confused about it. He doesn't know right from wrong (after all he's been anesthetized by alcohol for a long time) , so go easy on him for not showing the right "attitude towards you and the girls".
Remember, this is a family disease and you are his family.
I would strongly suggest that you find a local Alanon meeting in your area and talk to other women and men who have been through this (see the link below) they can give you a ton of support. You need it and deserve it.
Good luck.
2007-11-24 13:45:53 · answer #2 · answered by Tim 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
People coming from detox tend to be a lot "about them" because the faster-release methods they use tend to be "all about" the addict. Then they are released into the cold cruel world where no one is asking them "how they feel about that" all the time. So the question is whether he is doing his part in staying sober - and being with his family should help this. He will be irritable while he adjusts to sobriety again - the real world is difficult, that is why drinking is seductive.
So you need to work on this together. Let him know you have not been through what he is going through and you will do the best you can, but his being in detox was hard on the family, too, so he needs to cut you some slack before he gets upset or gets in anyone's face. Tell him you want him back in the family and you want to be there for him, but you also do not want the children upset by his attitude towards them or towards you. Ask him what signal he thinks would be proper so you could let him know when his irritation was reaching a level the rest of the family could not deal with, and ask him what coping methods the detox center had taught him. Perhaps he needs some anger management classes to help him cope with the harsh edge of reality. Let the kids know that detox makes Dad irritable, so they should try to walk softly around him. It may take a two-steps-forward, one-step-back progress, but as long as he is off the drink and working on his attitude, you all can make it through this difficult period. There are happy times ahead if you can all manage to stick on the path.
2007-11-24 12:05:16 · answer #3 · answered by Amy R 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
By shelter, do you mean like a rehab facility? The longer is sober, the more he will understand why his previous actions weren't acceptable. He's probably still angry and doesn't understand what he did wrong. Once he has been sober for a while and realizes how hurtful he's been, he will be apologetic. I would keep the kids away from him until this happens, though. It's going to hurt them worse to be around a cold, unfeeling shell of a father than it would if you just explained things to them. I don't know how old your children are, but even the youngest child will understand "Daddy is sick and he needs to be away for a while to get better". The older children can get a more detailed description if you see fit.
Just let time run its course. He will eventually be a dad to them again.
2007-11-24 12:13:44 · answer #4 · answered by Been here before 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I left my husband almost a year ago. We have 2 daughters together and I left because it wasn't fair to the kids anymore. I have nothing to my name but I would rather be in this situation because I know my girls are safe. He is an alcoholic as well. My husband has already moved on and has another baby on the way with this new girl. Alcohol is evil and it hurts so many people. I would just have to say you should leave him because he probably wont change. I know it is hell. Your kids do need to see him during the holidays. Just make sure they want to see him and the situation is safe. Good Luck and if you want to email me feel free anytime because I am sure we can go on and on with stories.
2007-11-24 12:03:57 · answer #5 · answered by lvbrdy4vr 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Maybe he's ashamed of himself and don't want to hurt you and your girls anymore, and that's why he's trying to distance himself emotionally. My father-in-law was also an alcoholic. He got divorced, quit drinking and has been sober for several years now. He tried to reconcile with his children. He did with some but the others wouldn't talk to him. It's painful too see the grandchildren deprived from seeing their grandfather. I think your husband needs to recover and then work on his relationship with you and your girls. Obvioulsy, he isn't ready to take care of them yet. Give him some time.
2007-11-24 14:07:47 · answer #6 · answered by m. 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you're able to choose, yet for my section it sort of feels somewhat severe. i do no longer comprehend your reasoning, so I have not have been given any clue why you're finding out directly to do this. perhaps that's a sturdy decision! i comprehend i does not be waiting to end this except i grew to become into particularly desperate. i like to be around human beings, and although i do no longer smoke or do drugs or drink, and that i eat healthy besides (soda is basically my basically junk food) i might nonetheless choose different innovations. i might pick to do this for some weeks, yet i could no longer pass and not utilising a hug from my boyfriend for that lengthy! :P
2016-10-09 10:19:22 · answer #7 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, the girls need a father who cares about them but he's not the guy. The only thing an alcoholic or druggie cares about is their bottle or dope. Sorry, but until he personally comes to terms with his problem, there isn't a thing you or the girls can do to change him, so don't try. You might as well get on with your life without him.
2007-11-24 12:43:28 · answer #8 · answered by bikinkawboy 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You dont need our help,just reread your question and the answer is there. Youre not happy anymore and dont trust him around you or your girls either so time has come to cut your losses and move on.Get a protective restraining order against him to protect you and the girls, divorce him and move on to someone else who you deserve. Good luck
2007-11-24 12:00:58 · answer #9 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Let the intervention do it's thing and then reevaluate. The booze can change a person so don't give up on him to quick. he's sick and will need his family for support to get through this.
2007-11-24 11:58:54 · answer #10 · answered by lenzix5 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋