What do I do when my husband is keeping me a secret from his Mormon church?

Question

I have been married for about three weeks but with my husband altogether about seven months. He is involved with the Mormon church but not deeply and even admits to not believing in all of their beliefs. My question is, how do I cope with the fact that he has not informed his church that he is married? He says he has not told the church because they believe that young men ( he is 21, I am 19) should go on a two year mission before they marry. Now every time the Bishop calls, I am referred to as his girlfriend and he is constantly lying to the church when he is with me. All of his friends from the church don't even know about me and if they do, its only as his girlfriend. I want to introduce him to my Christian church, but he is reluctant and I have lost all ideas about what to do. I don't want to be a secret anymore. Help!!!!

Answer 1

Simple: When hubby comes home one night, just say "Sweety, I got something I'd like to talk about with you when you have a moment". And tell him how you feel. Explain that you feel [insert emotion here] that he hasn't informed the church of your marriage.

Honestly as an LDS it seems kind of strange to me. If your husband is worried about his "ecclesiastical image", he should be telling everyone in the church that the woman with whom he LIVES is his wife and not his girlfriend, otherwise it just seems like you two are shacking up.

Oh, and congrats by the way with the recent marriage. Best of luck to you guys ;-)


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PS: I can't help but correct the people above me:

Bryan M is wrong, the church does not excommunicate people for being married or for marrying out of the faith, the church does however excommunicate those who repeatedly have unrepentant pre-marital sex (so as you can see your husband is technically jeopardizing his membership with you as his "common-law girlfriend", though I doubt the Bishop will do anything about it since he hasn't yet).

I hope for your own sake you are more intelligent than those above who are suggesting an annulment. Marriage is a contracted relationship reguardless of your religion so its vital to work through the tough problems (in which this honestly doesn't sound like a "tough problem" more like some kind of communication issue).

You're doing the right thing by seeking help instead of prematurely "throwing in the towel". Next step is to talk to your husband. Only he knows whats going on in his head. Anything we say here is only speculation.

Good luck!!!

Answer 2

Why wait until Sunday? There has got to be thousands of web sites that discuss the issue. This story is more about shock value than reporting "secret ceremonies." It's like the Romney campaign never happened. Props to Raising for her good comparison. I have little faith that HBO will present this ceremony in a way that believing Latter-Day Saints will think is representative of the love and gratitude they feel towards God as they participate. Admittedly I'm not a Big Love watcher, but HBO's claims about showing this ceremony as accurate as possible seem weak at best. The woman participating has been the polygamous wife of the main character for several seasons. HBO also says she is close to getting kick out of the Mormon church. Had this been a real situation she would have been ex-communicated from the LDS Church when it was know that she was a polygamous wife. She also would have had her temple recommend revoked if she was about to be ex-communicated. If HBO can't get these simple church practices straight I doubt they will have a sudden change in accuracy. Not the strong distinction between fundamental polygamous mormons and the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints HBO promised either, but you gotta do what you gotta do to get ratings.

Answer 3

First off I am Mormon so I know that young men have their calling for a mission at 19. It is the individuals choice if they want to participate.

The church would "look down on you" a little more for living together and not being married.

I think that he is afraid of something else....because he is not being truthful with you when it comes to church.

Answer 4

First of all Mormons are christians too. Second he should introduce you to the members or atleast inform the church that he is now married. The church will welcome you with open arms even if you don't want to be a part of the church.
My thing is this tho, if he is hiding your marriage from the church then who else is he hiding it from. You need to sit down with him and have a good long talk about this.

Answer 5

You know what sweetie, you really need to confront your husband. What he is doing is just wrong. You cannot build a strong and lasting relationship, based on lies. Whether he realizes it or not, he has made you an unwilling accomplice to his ever-growing web of lies. Best get this resolved real quick because the lies are only going to become greater and we all know that one lie is made up to cover another. Pretty soon you won't be able to remember why you married this guy in the first place. Be a man and make your stand. It isn't up to the mormon church to dictate when and who you can marry. They may proclaim to be god's but, I know of only one God who blesses a marriage based on love, not fear and lies. I wish you all the best.

Answer 6

He seems TOO old to be going on a missions trip, missionaries are usually 18 and 19, if I recall, but I guess they can be older to, but he is at the age that most lady missionaries (spinsters) will go on a missions trip. I would just tell someone, i am surprised that he has not tried to get you to the temple, how is he going to support you for 2 years, and how will you handel him being gone for those two years, (no email and no phone calls). It will be like having a soldier deployed in Iraq. Like I said, you will have to tell someone.

Answer 7

I'm Mormon, and let me say your husband's behavior is very strange. Perhaps if you went to church with him a few times he would feel more comfortable introducing you as his wife? Not that that should make a difference..frankly, I can't imagine what would make someone (especially a Mormon who celebrates the sanctity of marriage) behave in such a way.

In case you're interested, feel free to learn more about Mormons by visiting my site at http://www.allaboutmormons.com

Answer 8

You are christian and married a mormon?? Do you realize really, how different the two are?? Did you miss the part in the bible about two people being unequally yoked?

Not to mention your age. It's apparent he is not ready for marriage and he is keeping his in the closet. But you rushed into this... now you have to learn to deal with it all.

Seems like neither of you took the sanctity of mariage seriously at all. The difference in religions, the age you are... what religion will your kids be? You do realize trying to raise them in both is going to be confusing to them don't you? You should also realize that most people your age don't take their religion very seriously, but as we all age we do tend to get more invovled in our faith. Are you ready to be mormon... will he be a christian... then back to the kids thing.

Sounds like you both made a huge mistake.... and jumped when you should have stepped back and took more time to get to know each other and really delve into the important issues you will face.

Answer 9

I hate to say this sweetie but your in a tough marriage and you made a mistake. I was married to a Jehovah Witness and I am a Christian. Obviously it didn't work out. It says in the Bible to marry Christian only. You not suppose to marry another religion. Ask your Pastor.

Answer 10

He needs to be a man. Who is he hiding from, really? God sees everything and knows your heart. It would hurt me if my husband was ashamed to let me tell people that we are married. You cannot even share your union.
something is wrong with that.