Should I terminate my pregnancy or carry baby to term?

Question

I had the test to check for Down's syndrome and it came back positive. The doctor performed a sonogram and discovered that the baby's skull has not fully developed. I am five months pregnant and it is beyond the development stage for the skull to have developed. The doctor has told y husband and I that we have two choices--terminate the pregnancy now or I can carry the baby to term, deliver in April with the expectation that our baby may die shortly after delivery or at elast within two days after being born. We are devastated. This is my second pregnancy. I miscarried the first one at two months. I am torn as to what to do. My husband has left the decision up to me. My parents and friends all tell me to terminate--that I will not be able to handle delivering my child then he or she dies. My faith tells me to deliver, name our baby and see what happens. I don't think I would be able to live with myself if I terminate without giving my baby half a chance. HELP ME, PLEASE !

Answer 1

No one can help you make this decision and I'm sorry you are faced with it.

However, a positive Down's Syndrome test isn't always positive. There is a chance that it is a false-positive. Having a child with Down's Syndrome isn't the end of the world. These kids can still live independant and meaningful lives. Children with DS have a wide range of abilities, and there is no way to tell at birth what they will be capable of as they grow up.

It sounds like you really don't want to terminate but are being pressured from others who WON'T be raising the child. I say, listen to your heart. There are MANY support groups for Down's Syndrome kids and their parents. DS happens in 1 out of 800 births so, if the test turns out to be true, you will not be alone.

There are many people who are told after they break their spines that they will never walk again. There are people who are told that they will never be able to get pregnant and then give birth.....there are people who are told that their babies will have a small survival rate yet beat the odds. I think you should fight for your baby. Good luck and I'm sure you'll make whatever decision is right for you.

Answer 2

Obviously this has to be your decision. Follow your heart, and pray about it. Just because the Dr. says that it might die within 10 days, doesn't mean its true. Miracles do happen. The baby could end up living for many, many years. I think you will probably regret terminating the pregnancy after 5 months. When I was younger, I terminated a pregnancy because I was scared & dumb I guess and all these years later I still regret it. It is something you will never be able to forget. Why put yourself through "what if"? Good luck & I wish you the very best!

Answer 3

Oh bless your heart honey. I would say maybe the doctor is wrong. But with you having an ultrasound and confirmed open skull, you have to decide what would make you feel better. I think the best thing for you would or could be to terminate the pregnancy but if you do have the baby christened. Name the baby and have a funeral. Or carry the baby and do the same thing. Im not quite sure how old you are but that may have a factor in your micarriages. Im so sorry for your position. good luck.

Answer 4

First let me say how sorry I am. This is a horrible situation.

I'd give my husband a swift kick in the backside and tell hime to get back in here and help you make a decision. This is a huge marital decision and he doesn't have the right to just excuse himself. That's not fair to you for him to dump it in your lap.

If you couldn't live with yourself, then you have to carry to term. Why terminate? So you can get pregnant again more quickly?

I say enjoy the time you have with your child. You can enjoy him or her kicking and being there with you, singing to him or her. Don't take him away early. Enjoy reading and talking and rubbing, and when he or she dies, your relationship will have meant something. This child will be born, pass on, and will be waiting for you (your first will be, too).

Just because your child is not outside of your uterus doesn't mean you can't form a relationship with him or her. And when you meet after life, he'll be perfect. No Down's Syndrome, he'll be just like he should have been.

I miscarried at 17 weeks, and I was devastated. I think you have the same love toward your child, and I think you'd regret terminating for the rest of your life.

I'm sorry your situation is as it is, but my advise is to keep the baby alive as long as you can. He is a living representation of the love your husband and you share. And you love him dearly.

TX Mom

Answer 5

I think everyone deserves a chance to live, don't you?
And it's your child, it's a part of you. Why would you kill a baby because it has down syndrome? Doctors maybe right that it's going to die shortly after but doctors are NOT ALWAYS RIGHT.

You shouldn't terminate your pregnancy, your going to live your whole life wondering if It would have lived and if the doctor perhaps was wrong.

Think about it, but at the end it all comes down to what you feel is right.

Answer 6

I am so sorry to hear about your situation. If I were you, I would give birth to my child and see what happens. I could not end a pregnancy because someone tells me my baby would die after birth. Your doctor can not tell you 100 percent that your baby will die. He/She can only make an educated guess as to the outcome based on the facts they have now. You never know what will happen. Your child may have problems, which can be dealt with, but your child may also live to be 100. You never know, good luck and I hope you make the decision that is best for you and your child.

Answer 7

Well Congrats on the baby!! I never had to deal with this but i did ask myself what i would do if this happened to me. Well after a few weeks i made my mind up. I would never kill my baby, my husband said that he could not handle it but i knew in my heart that i loved my baby and could not terminate or give my baby away!! I hope you give your baby a chance in life!! Remember God knows what he is doing and will not give you more than you can handle!! And you said strong and hopeful!! Do what you feel not what anyone else tells you!!!! Because you are the only one who will feel the baby move!! It was the best feeling to me!! And just for examples my mom had my little brother at 22 weeks! The doctor told her just to terminate him or call the coroner when has him!! My mom said no that was her little boy and that he was going to be fine!! And he was he weighted 1lb. and was in the hospital but now he is 10 and is very healthy!! And also my dr. said that my baby was going to have problems with her internal organs, but she is fine, she does have a small hole in her heart but it should close!! I always thought that I would blame myself if something was wrong but i know it is not my fault!!Good luck and follow your heart!!! I feel that you should keep your baby and have a wonderful life!!!! Congrats babies are the best blessing on Earth!!

Answer 8

wow, thats a hard choice, I am really sorry you are having to make it. Honestly If you want to carry your baby and deliver it, give it a name, and even have a proper funeral and everything, then do that. People are goin to say that its harming the baby to let it live and then die once its born, but things could change, miracles happen, and you will at a least know for sure if you give it a chance to live. I personally would want to name my baby, and see it even if only for a little while. Its your child, not just something you can get rid of. I never thought of it that way, but now that you brought it up, thats a really respectful way to go. Good luck!! Do what you feel comfortable with, your the one that is going to have to live with it.

Answer 9

No matter what anyone has to say, the decision is yours. Choose the one that you can live with. If you want to carry your baby to term and have it baptised, registered, or whatever is appropriate for your religion, then do so. You are going to grieve the lose of your baby both now and later if the baby dies.

My best advice is make your decision and then don't let anyone second guess you. Just tell them that the decision is made and the discussion is closed.

Good luck.

Answer 10

I'm am so sorry. What a devastating position to be put in. You have to do what feels right to you. Try to tune out the desires of other people and follow your heart. Regardless of your faith or beliefs, you must follow your heart. I've known someone that had always been pro-life but when faced with a similar situation, she chose to abort b/c she couldn't bare the alternative. And I have actually known someone to do the exact opposite. Follow your heart and don't look back. Don't let anyone make you feel bad about your decision.