I am on my second marriage, me and my husband have been married for a year. Everything was going great, I found out we are having a baby, I got a new job that I love, everything was fine, until his 19 year old calls from college saying he was expelled. My husband of course said he can stay with us until he finds a new school to get into. My husband has not been in his kids life as much as he wants so I understand that he feels some guilt and would like to do what he can now that he has the chance. I am just dealing with an adult child though, he does not clean up after him self, he wastes food, he has things plugged in to every outlet, it drives me crazy. If I bring anthing up to my husband, he becomes defensive and thinks I hate his kids. It drives me crazy, he totally misses the point when I try and talk to him. All I want my husband to know is to make sure his son is cleaning up after him self, and not wasting things, I do not want any added stress.
2007-11-24 07:04:50 · 8 answers · asked by christina 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I think your husband is being a little unreasonable, more so if you are expecting. Maybe he thinks it would be easier to react to you this way than make his son feel not wanted in any way,especially if he feels he should have been in their life more through childhood. If you can sit and chat with his son then suggest you try to talk to him. You can point out that in no way are you trying to make him feel excluded but wondered if he could help you out a bit by........, you may think it will be a bit like walking on eggshells but you are pregnant and don't want to be stressed out. Tell your husband you have had a chat, make out it's nothing major, at the moment it may not be but as time goes on all the little bad annoyances add up and something will surely blow.
2007-11-24 07:16:06 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel for you. Until you actually get married you do not actually realize what being a step parent means. It is essentially all of the responsibility (monetarily and otherwise without the reward). I read a step parent step site once that really put it succinctly, you do all that a regular parent would but don't get the reward. Your husband had better be worth it. If i would've known then what i know now. I would've run the other way. Much too much complication and chaos that i want. The ex wife calls me a ****. There is only chaos when the ex wife and the kid are around. The husband is a joy. He changes though when we get around his daughter. Part of me thinks i'd be better off leaving and letting the three of them figure out therir problems. I apy for the step daughter's medical and dental insurance and will pay for college next year. The ex wife is an ex felon who is unemployed and taking my husband back to court for even more money.
Somethmes i think it'd be better if i'd never even met him...I fantasixe about thaqt sometimes...
thanks fpr listening,
LW
2007-11-24 07:26:46 · answer #2 · answered by girldog5 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Only discuss one issue at a time, don't blame him or bring up past wrongs, point out 1 problem and ask for his input on a possible solution, don't dictate the solution to him. If it's his idea he'll be more likely to enforce it with his son. Let the one about using all the outlets go, that's not that big of deal, or ask your stepson directly if he can help you out by keeping some outlets available. If he says no then drop it. you don't want to divorce over outlet plugs.
2007-11-24 07:16:37 · answer #3 · answered by Jen70 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have every right to feel this way. This CHILD is not a child. He is an adult, and he is ON YOUR TURF! You and your husband need to sit down with him and lay the rules out. Ask him what he plans to do to "pay his way" there. He DOES need to pay his way, even if it only means doing dishes and taking the trash out. There should be NO free rides, or he will be there FOREVER. Your husband wants to be a good dad, but he should not be it at YOUR expense. Perhaps you should talk with your husband FIRST, and tell him that you are all for him helping his son out, but you don't want to be swept under the rug in the process.
My husband has step-children, and when my own son broke the rules around here, we AGREED that he needed to leave! So, I told him to get out! now that my children are adults, my life is with my husband----not with them. HIS comfort and peace of mind MUST come first---not my kids'.
2007-11-24 07:12:36 · answer #4 · answered by lcamel2000 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are extremely small minded and petty. You have stated more than once that you hate your stepson, yet you are upset that he is "ruining your marriage". You and his father are the adults, if you don't want him to laugh when you argue, then be grownups and don't argue in front of him. You also need to learn how to separate a child's behavior from the child. He is not a lying thief, he is a child who has lied and stolen(apparently). I hope you do divorce his father, he doesn't need two immature and petty women in his life.
2016-05-25 05:34:13 · answer #5 · answered by venus 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why not try and speak directly with this 19 year old rather than his father aka your husband., At 19 years of age he should at least be receptive to an adult conversation. He may actually listen to you better than his dad and respect your wishes. Hopefully you two can grow to trust and respect each other as this would be beneficial to everyone involved in this situation.
2007-11-24 07:09:58 · answer #6 · answered by crazylegs 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweetly, ask you husband to clean up his son's messes - for his son.
If your husband won't do it .. then don't say a word .. just leave the messes. Ignore the messes just like they weren't there. Let them pile up .. if they ever get cleaned up .. let one of them do it.
If you continue to do it .. then they will continue to make them .. and expect you to do it.
Also .. be aware that the son may be wanting to frustrate you ... just don't let him know that he is driving you crazy or making you mad. Act unconcerned.
Go in your own room .. let them deal with the mess, the cords, the wasted food, etc.
Put the ball-in-their-court .. to deal with.
If your husband gets tired of looking at the messes .. he will either clean it up himself (which he probably won't like) ... ask his son to do it .. or ask you to do it - which you should in return - ask him to do it back.
See what transpires.
2007-11-24 07:22:16 · answer #7 · answered by Tara 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just don't clean up after him and they will realize the problem and they will clean it up
2007-11-24 07:10:40 · answer #8 · answered by Chanel 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋