How do i fix things so he wont leave?

Question

This past few weeks have been really akward. Ever since i cheated on my husband, its like he wont even look at me. yeah yeah, i know, i CHEATED its just that i married to early and after some time i missed just having men follow me all night. I don't need to be told what i did was wrong, i know that, and i feel like SH!T. I love him so much, and he doesn't do anything wrong, he says he still loves me but he told me that the reason he hasn't packed his things was becasue of our 3 year old girl who needs both of us. He said he forgave me but even still i've been trying so hard to make him smile. When i make dinner just for the two of us to talk, he keeps saying he eats out and just sleeps in the couch nowadays. No matter how i try, even when i try to sleep next to him, he just walks outside and smokes, which is a habbit we used to work on getting rid off together. after some point i just locked us in a room together and told him to hit me as F*cking hard as he could because i want him to get all his emotions out on me becasue im so scared he'll leave me one day for some other woman

Answer 1

u need to make him understand that what u did u know hurt him beyond words. u need to show remorse, ask him what u can do to gain back his love, know that it will take time, so don't get impatient. keep trying he may come around in time, providing theres no more cheating and betrayals. he does still love u and if he didn't he would have been gone already.

Answer 2

I'm not going to beat you over the head here...it's obvious you know what you did was rotten and are realizing the consequences...that being said....we move on to your question..

How can you fix this?..how can you make amends?...those are really two completely different questions.

You broke the marriage..there is NO guarantee that it CAN be fixed. You can however try to make amends (reimburse for the damage inflicted)..showing that you are truly repentant...by doing everything you can for him.

When he says that he forgives you...he isn't lying...he's not seeking to punish you. By saying he forgives you...it is NOT the same as saying he TRUSTS you, with his heart.

You completely shattered any and all trust he had in you..it cannot be fixed...don't even try.
You might however, be able to build a NEW trust with him...but it will take a great deal longer than the other did; because even though he forgives you, he knows your past....you will need to be almost perfect to do this...people (if they're smart) don't touch a hot stove after being burned... until they are sure it's not hot anymore...and it takes a hot stove a long time to lose it's heat.

If he's staying for your child, he's a very noble man, indeed. You have no right to EXPECT him to ever trust you again...you can only HOPE and pray...that he will see that you realize what a wretch you've been. All this will be difficult if you keep rationalizing with statements like...."I married too early...", almost makes it sound like your husbands fault for marrying you "too early".
You need to offer no excuse for your behavior, because there is none.

You also need to grow up...no offense..just an observation, not an insult. Stop making everthing about YOU...I, I, I...me, me, me ...should be him, him, him ...he's the victim and you are still being rather self-centered and immature.

EDIT (additional information):

What you need to relize is that he needs time to cope and grieve....yes, grieve. He just lost
his wife....the wife he thought he had...the emotions are very similar a loved one dying. If he says he loves you and forgives you, there is, at least, some hope that your marriage will survive...this is a REALLY deep wound on him that will take a great deal of time to heal...and will definetly leave a scar if it does heal....be a good nurse, to him..if you really love HIM.

Answer 3

Please understand the poor guy. You have no idea how hurt he must be... You can't expect things to just resolve themselves in a course of a few weeks. It seems like there is still hope if he hasn't packed up and left by now, but I suggest that you:
1. Give him more time. He needs to work this through with himself.
2. Suggest couple's counseling. It can help.
3. Drop the idea of him hitting you hard. It may east your conscience for a while but won't solve much in the long run.
4. Needless to say - don't you EVER EVER do it again.

Good luck and I hope you will find the way to get over it.

Answer 4

Do you really love him? because if you really love him you wouldn't cheat. I love the man in my life right now and I couldn't imagine cheating on him for the sake of having men falling at my feet for old times sake. I don't miss having men following me around because I have a man who loves me.

You can't fix it. He's hurt and he hasn't forgiven you. Back off and let him come around. Just be good to him and continue doing all the things you did before the cheating except coming on to him and the affections. You sleep on the couch. If it becomes too much after several months, then you should suggest counseling or even separate for a while.

Can this work?? with time, ABSOLUTELY!!!! but it won't be easy. You will have to work at it together..

Answer 5

Disagree with Roko.... Giving you man a "sex ticket" is going to double the trouble... And he will lose his own self respect.. it may get you at the same level, but it will be a lower level, and the relationship WILL be over...

You can not fix this... Even if your marrige survives, this is something that he will remember for the rest of his life. I know you have been reading all these "You Screwed Up" comments, but you did girl.... A woman can cheat on me ONCE... Then she isnt my woman anymore.. Daughter or not...

Your reason of "other men chasing you around" is Bull ****... If you put yourself in a situation like that, and acted on it, then you brought this on yourself...

Here is what you do:

Yyou need to get a small apartment with a six month lease. Make arrangments with joint custodiy of your daughter (not the courts, just you & him), and move out... If YOU want to do ANYTHING under your power to "fix it" (as you word it), then you need to walk away & see what happens.... right now, you do not need to be under the same roof... It gives the gift of "missing you" to him if he really wants to work through it, and it shows that you are a strong woman by taking your OWN action based on what you did...

No promises, but it may be the difference.... But YOU need to get out of the living arrnagment,,,,

Answer 6

I agree with Nikki. Your husband is just trying to work through his feelings right now. I know that you want to make up for what happened, but you need to give him some more time. He wants to forgive you and is trying to, but a part of him is still having a difficult time in doing so. Give him some space right now and just try to return things to normal with the rest of the home. He still loves you and wants things back as they once were, but he still has to sort things out inside of him first.

Answer 7

You cheated on him. How do you expect him to act? You hurt him to the core. Put yourself in his shoes. You have to give him time - time, not a couple of weeks - it could take a couple of years. Are you really sorry? Seems like a lame excuse to cheat 'i missed just having men follow me all night.'
Maybe you should leave him with your daughter and spend some time soul searching. I would seriously consider counseling. Good luck.

Answer 8

wow that sounds very difficult. My husband cheated on me my heart broke and It made me physically sick for months . It took me a long time not to want to slap his face every time he opened his mouth or looked at me. Still 9 months later I have a lot of anger at him but slowly I am beginning to forgive him. I'd say its going to take time and if you are really sorry for what you've done then you will wait and see if you two can work through it. But first he needs the first sting of betrayal to ease. Good luck and hang in there.

Answer 9

Having him hit you isn't going to solve anything. Sure, he's angry, but he needs time to heal. You can't expect him to jump right back into the marriage and just kiss your a$$. He needs to be alone right now, it's probably best for both of you. Maybe once he is talking and more at ease, suggest going to therapy with you for your mistake. Good luck!

Answer 10

Hunny, I don't think you can fix this so he wont leave. You broke the number one rule and cheated on him. You might wanna try being completely honest with him and tell him you made a big mistake and you are truley sorry and want to know if he will give you another chance. Good Luck