When I got married my husband told me he was not attracted to me.?

Question

I'm very overweight. My husband and I been friends for years before we were married. He is ashamed of me. He says he I'm his soulmate but body wise I don't fit his type. Do you think our marriage will last. I have put on some more weight since we been married.

Answer 1

Obviously he married you despite your weight. That tells me that everything else about you is much more important than your physical appearance and he loves you as a person. You wouldn't want someone that would only want you if you were a certain size, would you? Then you might have something to worry about if you gained weight.

Answer 2

I think physical attraction is not nearly the most important factor in a relationship. I was not attracted to my boyfriend either, we began as friends, but 7 years later I am in love with him and now I find him attractive because of that. If it is such an issue why not try to lose weight? I know it is hard (trust me I know) but the effort might show him how important he is to you. Why don't you all make it a couple thing, like shopping for healthy food, cooking healthy meals together, going for a walk after dinner, or have him hold your legs while you do crunches or time you when you jump rope, etc. That is what my bf and I do because we are both trying to get back into shape and it is easier when you have support. I don't know how overweight you are, but as a last resort you may want to consider medical intervention, if saving your relationship is worth it.

Answer 3

If he is going to divorce you just because you're overweight, then you know he's not your real soulmate. And as for your part, you should really consider losing some weight (or fat), because as you grow older, being overweight will cause health problems. And health problems indeed will be another stress on your husband. What your husband should be doing is encouraging you to exercise more to strengthen both your health and your relationship. =]

And I don't think attraction is really important in a marriage. I know my aunt and uncle are not physically attracted to each other at all, but they are together because they own a business together, and treat each other very well like family with a lot of respect.

Answer 4

Your husband should like you for who you are. But on the other hand, if no other reason and health concerns and your own self esteem, maybe diet and exercise would help. And what's his body type like? has he been on the cover of any fitness mags? Maybe you both can do activities together that will not only improve your physical appearance, but strengthen your marriage as well. But mr man needs to quit being so superficial. He knew what he was getting into when he married you. The idea that he was going to change you has been tested and never works.

Answer 5

This is unbelievable. The best thing that he could have done was tell you the truth because you deserve to be in a marriage where your spouse is attracted to you inside and out.

I don't think the marriage will last unless you go out of your way to fit an image he is attracted to and that wouldn't be a good thing to do simply to keep someone.

When people are unhappy in marriages, they tend to cheat and because he doesn't find you stunning on the outside, he will cheat for the entirety of your marriage.

Change only if you want to and don't continue to stay married to someone who doesn't love you for YOU.

Answer 6

well,

no one knows if your marriage will last, except for you and your husband( as a side note: asking us folks here in the internet is definitely not a good idea, since we know absolutely nothing about you and your husband).

to the question at hand, it seem as though you and your husband need to have a deep discussion about your weight and what it means for the future of your marriage. If you are his soul mate, then he should love you, no matter what. On the other hand, as a man (or, a sexual being, for that matter), he must feel attracted to you, physically. If your weight is the problem, then he may feel less inclined to feel physical desire/attraction for you.

You must decide for yourself: How do I feel about my weight? Why did I put on weight since I got married? If my husband and I were in reverse roles, how would I feel about him? Is my weight the true problem in our marriage, or is it something else? Will losing weight solve our problem(s)? If I do decide to lose weight, is it for me? or is it for him?

I do wish you all the best with your marriage...I truly do.

Answer 7

That makes no sense. He has to be attracted to the woman he married! Why did you marry someone that is ashamed of you?

It doesn't make any sense and in my opinion, the marriage already has a problem that will only get worse if you ignore it.

He cannot be married to a woman he doesn't love PHYSICALLY, mentally and emotionally and after the comments he's made already, you can't gain more weight and expect the marriage to work.

Answer 8

The question really is do you want it to last. You must understand that his feelings for you are strong and their not going anywhere. If anything, he's is only going to be more ashame of you the longer you stay together. His resentment of you can have an emotional affect on both you and your childern. And it can make your household a very unpleasant place to live. If you do not feel that you can loose the weight to please your husband, then I feel that it is best that you find someone else who respects you just the way you are.

Answer 9

Well, isn't he an insensitive jerk. I feel sorry for you - to be married to someone that's ashamed of you is really awful. I take it he told you after you were married? You could put up with his brutal honesty and feel bad about yourself, you could lose weight to fit his idea of what a woman should look like, or you could end the marriage and find someone who appreciates you and loves you as you are. I'd opt for the 3rd.

Answer 10

The odds are against you. Physical attraction is a good chunk of a marriage but it is not every thing but the fact that he is ashamed is not a good sign. Temptation will be stronger for him to cheat physically but not emotionally. If he is a strong willed man with strong moral values then the ma rage may work but be prepared and be truth full with him. If he demoralizes you that is not healthy and you should explain how it makes you feel. that will also show how he views you (more physically than emotionally). it would be best if he saw you for who you are not what you look like. men tend to be like predators and predators are very visual.