The main thing I want to ask your opinion is was the violence in 'stage 3' my fault. I did nothing to provoke him but had I contributed to an environment where that was 'acceptable' making it easier for him to break the taboo against hitting women?
Long post, thanks for reading.
I got pregnant but the father was not sure if he wanted to commit or not and the relationship was volotile. The first incident was before I was pregnant. He was playing music loud and I had asked him to turn it down but he kept it loud just to annoy me so I took a knife and came up to him just to scare him. He reacted by holding my arm and twisting the knife away but I was not going to do anything and I was surprised he would do anything.
Then when I was pregnant and we were living together he was having an affair but I did not know it, just suspected at the time. One time I took his phone and wanted to see the texts and he shoved me. That was the first time he laid his hands on me and I was shocked.
2007-11-23 23:16:03 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The next time it happened again after the baby was born. I was holding the baby and picked up his phone when it rang and he shoved me to the wall to take the phone away. I later discovered that he was having an affair. The 'other woman' (who was a former workmate of mine) kept phoning in the middle of the night. Eventually he admitted it that he had been having an affair for about 6 months with her. I went mental and I hit him and scratched him but he also hit me back. We separated then decided to go for relationship counselling
We did not say anything about the violence because I was scared they would take the baby into care. For the next few months we would have shouting matches and I would scratch his face or something and he would beat me up as a reply. He is a black belt in karate.
STAGE THREE
We separated for the second time and when I came back I said to myself I would not do anything to provoke him or even to do anything physically aggressive.
2007-11-23 23:17:18 · update #1
I have left permanently now but I keep on wondering how much of the blame I need to take. The final part of our relationship I made a conscious effort to try and be the perfect wife and did not hit him or anything but he was still very violent. Is it that I made him become like that?
I am scared to have another relationship in the future, maybe I am a violent person.
2007-11-23 23:17:51 · update #2
the first mistake was marrying a man who really didn't want to commit, u are not to blame for his cheating or violence towards u. don't ever try to fight violence with more violence it never works. he is a player and he will make your life miserable if u ever take him back. learn from this and never blame yourself for his actions. u married a man who didn't want u.so later on he took it out on u.
2007-11-23 23:37:54 · answer #1 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This man has serious issues . He sounds as if he has no concern ,respect, or desire to have a relationship with you . You are smart to get away for good . You cannot change his issues only yours . Since you do not display a violent nature with anyone, eles then what was your reason for picking up the knife . Were you defending yourself? . You have had many relationships which are healthy ,. I am assumeing . This should tell you something . Getting out is the right thing to do . You have a child. it is important to teach that child a healthy relationship does not include these events.Your marriage is over I hope you know this . Move on I would never pick up a knife to scare someone . If the most important thing is not present which is respect ,then you have nothing..... In a marriage picking up a knife to defend yourself is also wrong . if he goes after you again ...call the police then your problem is solved . He will learn quickly that he can not ever touch you or shove you, in a foul way. or ..another human being ..
2007-11-24 00:05:01 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Were you raised in a violent home? No one has they right to hit,shove,belittle another. Your child will have the same type of relationships too if that is what they see growing up. Stop trying to justify an others behavior. If this fellow cheated he is not committed to you. Move on, become comfortable with yourself and then when you do meet someone else it will be a blessing to the new improved you.
2007-11-23 23:31:54 · answer #3 · answered by Adele B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you've had a hell of a time with this man... I'm very happy to hear that you are permanently away from him. Having said that, I think you need some councelling sweetie... you may be "violent" as well... perhaps you have some unresolved anger issues. If you don't, and you think it was all just because of him, then I would proceed with any new relationships with alot of caution. If in any situations with a new relationship you feel angry and violent again, then you have a problem as well. Do not ever ever get into a relationship with anyone who raises their hand to you... that's just wrong, nor should you be raising your hand to anyone. Best of luck to you....
2007-11-23 23:29:50 · answer #4 · answered by Racer 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sound more than a little reactive....it is not ok to take a knife and then show it to a person you are upset with....scratching and any other physical violence or intimidation are wrong....maybe go back to that counselor and find out what "tools you need to put in your belt" and seek alternatives to acting out....no body likes this...if you pulled a knife on me, scratched or hit me or anyone else here, they would loose respect for you, hit you back and 9 out of 10 of us would not want to ever see you again.
2007-11-23 23:25:48 · answer #5 · answered by Rein 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to get some serious therapy before having another relationship. Picking up a knife to scare someone over loud music is so far outside of normal and the fact that you don't know that is frankly scary. You need to get the answer to two questions (1) why am I violent and (2) why do I pick and stay with men that beat me. If you don't get these issues resolved there is going to be serious tragedy in your life sooner or later. You owe it to your child, please seek professoinal help.
2007-11-23 23:24:27 · answer #6 · answered by George 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
that's amazingly real. There are no longer many pronounced circumstances of kin violence against men nonetheless, because of the fact an incredible variety of the time the guy feels belittled and embarrased to inform anybody what's occurring to him. I recommend think of roughly it, you often see shows on television the place a pair is combating and besides the actuality that the female won't unquestionably hit the guy, she might toss stuff at him, kick him, notwithstanding. that's only as lots kin violence and as a punch interior the face. It occurs all of the time, and that i think of that the boys who've this occurring to them ought to report a checklist against their abusers.
2016-09-30 02:04:24 · answer #7 · answered by maduro 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi,
Though iam strongly against violence in general and i empathise with you../.the fact is you provoked him first/... thats very wrong and that is why he began to act like that,,when you found out he had a affair you could have talked to him and sorted things out but rather you hit him??? so he hit you back
i pity you...
Cheers
2007-11-23 23:22:38 · answer #8 · answered by Prince 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
None of this was your fault. Get a good counselor and really work out what you want in a relationship and how that would happen. Violence is never acceptable. God Bless you. Martha
2007-11-23 23:22:31 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like my mother and step father.
it sounds like you both are really violent and it's good you got out of that relationship. even though he had no right to hit you when you grabbed the phone, you shouldn't have held that knife to threaten him. make smarter decisions. especially now that you have a baby.
2007-11-23 23:26:20 · answer #10 · answered by Lili 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋