Are our "patterns of behavior" the threads that hold our sense of Self together?

Question

And can/should the patterns be broken?

Miss Behavior – There are very few subjects on which I could be told “more than I want to know”. Thank you for the comprehensive explanation. It’s not that I think we have no power over our behavior, just that I think some behaviors are never modified, as elapsed time removes the lesson of the reinforcement. For example, what if, once a year for every year of my life I meet a deficient coke machine, and try it twice?

Yaoi Shonen-ai – To some extent, I agree: there is a natural progression of behavior that matches the progression of self. However, consider “patterns of behavior” from a wider perspective. In looking at a life in, say, ten-year segments, one may be able to see the same overarching behavioral approaches applied to playground interaction, and then to school, and then to work, etc. The behavior pattern still may not *define* self, but at the least it reveals something of, as Valac Gypsy said, the unchanging “basic self”.

Yutsnark- What’s *really* interesting is that a person may modify her conscious sense of self by observing her own behavior, but not modify the behavior. i.e. “I wish I was a party person” does not necessarily indicate that she will start going out more often.

Whiner – “Hardcore idealists”- there’s a frightening thought…

Valac Gypsy – Hmm… Do you mean “essential” as in unavoidable or “essential” in that it preserves basic self?

Siegfrid- You are thought-provoking and intriguing, as always. Thanks for flipping my brain inside-out! I very much like your line “it is the changeless reality of self…” I have to consider that further before I can respond with any clarity…

Param- *Loved* that answer, and what an unspeakable travesty, if you should not be heard! Glad to hear to you’ve worked it all out, not that I expected anything else from you. And very true: we can consciously modify our behaviors without impacting our conscious self.

Answer 1

I would say rather than "thread that holds are sense of self together", it would be the "masking tape that holds our sense of self togther".

Although the pattern of behavior may account for a few strips of tape, I think most of the roll comes from the meaning that we assign to the patterns of behavior. Classic and operant conditioning certainly provides some information about the self, but unless one goes so far behaviorally as to call thought processes, nothing more than sub-vocalizations, I think we have to include some things beyond behavior.

One could say that our sense of self is an analgam ( although others would call it a mixture), which comprises all our actualities, potentialities, misgivings, jealousies, failings, successes, fantasies, traditions, schema, admirations, covert and overt expressions, tooth brushings, binges, inane jingles, longings, intimacies, binges, rants, raves, speeches, insecurities, cognitive maps, expenditures, inhibitions, aspirations, exaggerations, desires, obsessions, ruminations, idiosyncratications, regressions, platitudes, pontifications, morals, ethics, principles, deviants, digressions, reveries, puns, laments, anxieties, rituals, meditations, worships, loathings, friendships, understandings, beliefs, opinions, salad dressings, associations, confabulations, manipulations, spatial processings, sensory perceptions, extra-sensory perceptions, feelings, and random cognitive noise and advertisements.

But no matter how extended we make the list, we will always find that our sense of self is always more than all the things we have done, contemplated, or will ever do ( Being-In-Itself)

The patterns that we have established, would not exist unless they had some value to our survival (e.g., were in some way positively or negativey reinforcing). It is one reason why we find it difficut to change those patterns, even though we may realize that they have lost value and may be inhibiting some opportunity for growth. Breaking those patterns always involves some degree of risk, anxiety, readjustment, etc. as we are essentially giving up what is known for what is not known.

Iit is probably of considerable value to maintain some sense of stability and resist substantive change on the basis of changes to our environment which may be transitory.
But it seems that we have much more of a struggle in taking such risks, even when they are obviously appropriate and to our benefit. Perhaps its because no matter how good the logic or the rationale, we are still left needing to take a leap of faith" , and experience the consequences of such an action first hand before we can actually "know" the outcome.

Answer 2

No, your patterns of behavior are influenced by the contingencies of reinforcement in your life. Basically people behave for three reasons:
*To get something, say attention or a preferred activity.
*To get away from something, like mean people or hard work.
*To communicate their needs.

When you start out as a baby most things happen by instinct and trial and error. For instance a baby who is hungry will cry from instinct. If when the baby cries, Mom magically appears and feeds her, her next crying will not be instinctual, but becomes a mechanism for getting food. Thus, behavior is learned by getting positively reinforced. Reseacrch on neglected babies shows that they will eventually stop crying if they are not reinforced.

At life unfolds, your experiences with reinforcement, along with your personality tendencies, shape your behavior. You learn the kinds of behavior that get you what you want and avoid behaviors that don't. For instance, you may put money in a Coke machine and if it doesn't give you a Coke, the you may try once more, but that will be it. You aren't going to keep doing things that don't benefit you.

If you understand this, then you will realize that these patterns can be changed. Sometimes we continue with inefficient behaviors because they are reinforced once in a blue moon, but that is enough to keep you going.

Look at your behavior as a pattern. There will be something that reliably triggers the behavior, then you have the behavior itself and finally, the result or reinforcer for the behavior.

Lets look at such a sequence. The Trigger - Your husband makes a nasty remark. The Behavior: You argue. The Reinforcer. You have all of his attention.

Even though this behavior is destructive, because you want his attention and want to communicate your anger, you continue to do it.

So how can we change that behavior and still get his attention? We can replace the arguing behavior with something else. You can say, "I feel angry and hurt when I hear a remark like that. I would like to discuss it with you later when I calm down." This eliminates the argument and the stress it causes. It also helps you with getting his attention and communicating your feelings when you are back in your logical brain.

We also can look at the husband's behavior. Why is he making mean remarks? Is it to get YOUR attention and to start an argument? If so, the above response will not be reinforcing to him (Think about the Coke machine) and if you continue to do that over a period of time, it could reduce the number of nasty remarks.

I am sure that is more than you wanted to know. It is just that if we think we have no power over our behavior, then we are tossed about by whatever wind is blowing. If your behavior does not reflect who you are inside, then you can change it.

Answer 3

I would say that sense of self has more to do with emotions and values than with patterns of behavior. One develops a sense of self particularly in interactions with empathic parents.

Your question is interesting though, and expresses a point of view which may have merit. A person who habitually awakens at the crack of dawn will conclude, "I'm a morning person." One who rarely goes out will say, "I'm not a party person." They observe a pattern of behavior, and conclude that this is who they are.

Of course patterns can be broken. That's why people go to see psychologists, counselors, teachers, and sometimes clergy. Whether they *should* break the patterns must be decided on a case by case basis. The ideal is for a person to be aware of his/her patterns of behavior, and feel free to change them if desired.

Answer 4

I agree with your statement. I've not gone through tomes of philosophy but I go through life with my eyes open and my experiences hold the truth of this statement. I'd liken it to the rope, at one end is the 'self' and other the 'Patterns of behaviour'. Tug at one end and the other is affected with an equal force.

Now we all know our repeated actions become habits and habits repeated over a long period come to represent our behaviour. And then on, we tend to act in a particular way and come to be known by different labels...Break your habits and you'll change the behaviour. Difficult it may be but it can be done and in many cases it should be done!!!

Now a personal example: When I got married little did I realise the family was an orthodox one (it happens in case of 'arranged marriage' which was the norm those days [it still is, more or less]). I came from a 'democratic' family where we all were encouraged to foster independent views and expressed them without hesitation. But in my new family brides were meant to be 'seen' not 'heard' and were expected to fit in a particular mould. Those initial years were almost traumatic. Not only was I expected to discard mine but had to learn new ones. In the process of changeover I lost the sense of my own 'self'. I tried to be a dutiful daughter-in-law but lost the much-admired 'person' that was me. I'd always question my behaviour and wonder whether it would please them or not. My friends almost didn't recognise me those days. When I started living alone with my husband in another city did I slowly regained original self (and the original 'patterns of behaviour' with some modifications).
Year later my mother-in-law (the most formidable 'other woman' in my husband's life) apologised to me for everything and I felt completely redeemed.

So you see how one can lose or find one's 'self' through them. Take care not to snap the thread though!!! That would be disastrous...

Answer 5

No. Self is the thread. Self is both the glue and the substance. The sensate world is in us. By perceiving ourselves as being in the world instead, our senses appear to rule us and we identify ourselves as creatures of habit. Our patterns of behavior thus become addictions to a false sense of Self. We perceive them as holding our world together and mislead ourselves in this belief not recognizing that the patterns of our world continually change. Tenaciously and with much suffering we hold to beliefs of identity and permanence that we try to justify against evidence to the contrary. This appears to maintain our illusion, when it is the changeless reality of Self that creates the senses, the patterns, and our perceptions of the ephemeral world. Inquire into Self and after realizing Self ask, whether there are patterns to be broken.

Answer 6

By "patterns of behavior" are you speaking about our daily routine? If so I don't believe that really has any bearing on what a person perceives as "self". Since this deals with the metaphysical I don't think it has an answer, and if there was an answer would that really make a difference?

Answer 7

To find out what your own sense of justice is, you have to ask whether you believe in determinism/fatalism or free will. Its not an easy question. Your environment and your genes determine who you will become from a young age, which you have no control over. If you do bad things because of those determining circumstances it's not exactly fair to hold you responsible. Even if you have this determinist/fatalist viewpoint, though, you can't remove punishments for bad actions and rewards for good actions, because the realistic expectation of reward or punishment constitutes an important part of the determining circumstances in your environment. Without these guides to good and bad action, the environment is changed to encourage the worst in people, so the question isn't whether punishments and rewards are just, but whether we can live without them. The non-scientific and non-fatalist viewpoint is that we have free will and that punishments and rewards are justified in themselves because we are ultimately responsible for our actions.

Answer 8

These ugly collections are the rendering of the state of human psychology today. The sense of self is the eternal position of the athlete, theatrically cuffing the athlete to the neural network at the subliminal isle of the sunk. Rolling off the interstate, he is the river that runs like a sea.

Answer 9

"Patterns of behavior" come directly from the "self," not the other way around. What you know yourself to be, and who, and where in the universe your "place" is, create those patterns. The patterns can and will change as your knowledge and beliefs about yourself change.
This is because epistemology, which is linked directly to metaphysics--your system of values concerning who, what and where you are--is also directly linked on the other side to psychology.

Answer 10

I believe that sense of self creates patterns of behaviour, & in those patterns are the threads.
Self--behaviour--threads.
Also, that the basic self can never change entirely; but there are times, as we grow, when modifying behaviour can be essential, & yes, then we can.