Is 16 partners too many for a 30 year old woman to have had?

Question

My current girlfriend is 30 years old and says she has had 16 former lovers. She said some of them were one-nighters during her college days but the majority of them were failed relationships. We always use protection and she said she has been tested. Is this ballpark average of is she just easy?

Answer 1

No she isn't easy, she's very brave to be so honest with you.
Some men and women move through many relationships when younger trying to find what works best for them. Take her admission as a positive sign that she feels strongly enough that she wants to try a relationship with you but also that she feels safe enough with you to be so honest.
ADDITION
I note the other replies all call her easy, its easy to throw stones at other people esp when they don't know her cicumstances. I suppose they would rather she stayed with a relationship that was intimidating or abusive or not working. It takes courage to change things when you know they aren't working... it took me 12 years to leave my first relationship and another 4 to recover and start dating. My current husband still sees the scars of the mess. Would you rather be with someone like her, happy and confident or me messed up.
I know who I would like to be

Answer 2

Did I wake up in 1923? The short answer is no - it isn't relevant and there is no benefit to a relationship to discuss it unless you have contracted a STD and need to inform people. Walking away will benefit her if you're only going to bring it up in the future and suggest she's not worthy of your apparent superior morality. Perhaps a better question for you is why are you concerned about it? If you're insecure about your sexuality then clearly one would be too many, but a 30-year old virgin is hard to come by and you probably wouldn't want that either. As the former Ms Promiscuity 1994 you can relax because she's seen enough not to judge and still know how to work with what you give her. That confidence alone is a good reason to only date 'experienced' women. Grow up and welcome to the 21st Century.

Answer 3

I am 6 years late to this post. How I got to it is that I have a friend who is struggling with things he found out after marrying a woman he thought was honest, fun, loving and a perfect match as a life partner. Like Michael, his woman volunteered personal relationship info to him. This seemed to vindicate his initial assessment of her as his perfect match, after all she could have kept this information secret. He loved her more for the confession. To him she was just an unfortunate victim of naivety and deceitful men. So, when she later hinted and pressed for marriage, he didn't hesitate to oblige even though they had dated for only a short time. After all he loved her - what would be the point of delaying.

So they got married and as often happens in marriage due to the nature of the relationship, things just pop up here and there, uninvited. He later discovered that although she had volunteered info about having had 3 sexual partners, she had actually had 15 before him, he was actually number 16 instead of number 4. This is of cause counting just the ones that popped up. He may actually not even be number 16. Not only had the number of partners suddenly multiplied 5 times, it also turned out that she had had 4 failed pregnancies by different men from those past relationships. It is not known how many of the failed pregnancies failed through abortion and how many through miscarriage. As if that were not enough to deal with, it turns out that a good number of the exes remain in her life as 'friends". HE IS DEVASTATED to say the least. Did I mention that 11 of these sexual partners were over a period of just 3 years?

As with Michael's girlfriend, her (known) magic number is also 16 at 30 years of age.

If I had caught Michael's post in time, I would have asked Michael to be wary of volunteered information about a partners past when that information is not flattering. Michael should have probably multiplied 16 by five to get close to the actual number. I remember reading somewhere that when volunteering bad information, women usually proportionally edit the facts to what they feel would be more acceptable or tolerable compared to the actual fact.
Therefore if Michael's girlfriend volunteered 16 as her acceptable magic number, I would say this is way too much - she's now (then) in slut territory.

Answer 4

First of all if she is admitting 16 it is a lot more than that. If she has had so many failed relationships you need to take a step back and really take a look at your relationship with her. If you have friends or family that love you and know her ask them to be brutally honest and you will find out the truth. After that it is up to you to decide what you are going to do.

Answer 5

Why are you asking others this question about your girlfriend? The fact that she even told you should let you know she wouldn't hide anything from you because she didn't have to tell you anything or lied about it. Even if she was "easy", your question should be what is she like now? My husband has told me that in his eyes he is my one and only that he can't see anyone else. If you can't let it go, let her go before you end up saying something crazy to her that will not only end your relationship, but hurt her feelings.

Answer 6

well... she could of told you only five people.... but no she chose to be honest with you and with that you should be happy. Her past is just that...her past. who she was then does not necessarily mean who she is now. People do a lot of messed up things while growing up and I'm sure you've made a few mistakes of your own. Would you want to lose someone for being honest about your past...especially if you learned from those mistakes? like everyone else... she deserves a chance with a great loving relationship... so give her one and show her how a man stays.

Answer 7

its hard to find true long lasting love these days. its nothing wrong with searching for the right one. relationships sometimes fail,but that doesnt mean a person shouid turn into a nun and stop looking for a partner. if you cant get over this about your girlfriend why did you bother sleeping with her first before deciding if you are sure or not about the relationship.- you shouid have talked,got to know eachother and just not had sex with her,and not mess with her emotions if you cant handle her being honest. i think after all shes been through she doesnt need you using her and treating her like that and telling her bussiness on yahoo answers,i think she shouid leave you,start upgrading her standards in men so she can meet the strong,caring,supportive,sexually satisfying,loyal,smart and fun man of her dreams. all of you on here who act like you are too perfect are the worst hypocrites ever.

Answer 8

No I dont think so I dont think she is easy she just loves having sex if a guy does that he is considered macho but if a women does it she is easy or a slut which I think is bullshit if you like it and it feels good go for it just use safe sex

Answer 9

Hmmm....I'm nearly 38 and I've had a great deal less, each to their own I guess, but that does sound like a lot to me. The good thing is, she's being honest, and that's the most important thing.

Answer 10

I guess your gf could be considered above average in the "number of sexual partners" department but I think she's the only one who could answer if she is truly "easy" or has had "too many" partners. I mean, let's say she became sexually active at age 16...then she would've only had to have had about one new partner a year to make it to 16 partners by age 30, and there certainly are plenty of people out there who are much more promiscuous than that.

I don't think it is wise to judge a person by how many sexual partners they've had. Sometimes people make mistakes and sometimes people change. Sometimes people are sexually abused and become extraordinarily promiscuous, but that doesn't necessarily mean they are bad people or get diseases...and maybe they are able to work through their issues later in life but they can't take back all the sexual experiences they wish they hadn't had in retrospect.

Other people can only have had a few sexual partners and still give you an STD or be promiscuous (maybe their lack of sexual partners was only due to a lack of opportunity, not an unwillingness to sleep around, for example).

And good grief man, do you realize how many men your girlfriend probably could have had if she were really "easy"?! Probably thousands...and she probably could've gotten paid for it to boot (either as a porn star or a prostitute)! 16 compared to thousands isn't much.

What I want to know is, what kind of boyfriend are you to be airing your girlfriend's sexual history to a bunch of strangers and asking them to judge her by it? Somehow I don't think she would appreciate it...nor do I think you would like it if she told a bunch of strangers how many sexual partners you have had and asked them to judge you by it (if a lot to ask if you're just a whore...if not that many to ask if you're just a loser).

Answer 11

yea that is kinda alot but she was honest enough to tell you, so if you really love her then tell her that that was her past and now she is with you