Marriage trouble with mother-in-law!?

Question

I am newly married to the man of my dreams he is the sweetest guy i've ever met in my life. Sounds great but it's Not! My mother-in-law isn't a nice person. It bothers her that he is 31 years old & i'm 18. She never even gave me a chance. She told people that she didn't like me before we even met. She refused to attend our wedding. Our wedding gift was her telling him> You've made your bed- you'll have to lie in it. I was excited i was spending Thanksgiving with his family until i noticed she kept rolling her eyes at me & she ignored me & talking to my husband. I've never felt so bad in my life. I went home & cried my eyes out. I have never done anything to her & i can't understand why she hates me. She has invited my husband on a trip with her this weekend & she didn't invite me. I really love my husband with all of my heart. Why didn't he just tell his mom to stop being mean to me & refuse to go on this trip? Can i do anything to make this woman ever like me?

Thanks everyone for the advice. I will have alot of thinking to do this weekend. I wish things could be different for us. My parents actually really love my husband Preston alot but You know my dad was mad at first but he got over it when i turned 18.
As far as me saving to leave he is the one who should save to leave because i make A lot more money than he does..
He moved into my home when we got married & everything is in my name. Including my vehicle. To be Honest i don't want to ever get divorces. I already feel like a failure i can't make his mother like me. I love my husband & would die for him. He is the only man i've ever loved. I can't imagine my life without him. We've been together for over a year. I don't tell him what to do either. If he wants to go hang out with his arrogant mother he can. He tells me she gets on his nerves. I noticed she talks to him like he is stupid. She always makes him feel bad 2. She never has anything nice to say about anyone including him.

I am 18 but i am "NOT" a kid i am an adult. I work 12-16 hours every single day. I pay my own bills.. Maybe some people my age may not deserve to be called an adult but i do.

Answer 1

She's probably not comfortable with the whole arrangement, and truth be told, you do have a high chance for divorce, due to your age. He's 31, and honestly, when a guy that's 31 pick an 18 yr old, it's because no one his own age would put up with his crap. He picked you due to your lack of life experience. Eventually what will happen is you will get tired of his crap as well. I really do feel for you. You are newly married and already having troubles. Not a good sign.

Now for why he's treating you like crap...he's a mama's boy. Nothing you do will make her like you. I really believe this marriage was a mistake. The reason he's not telling his mom to stop being mean and is actually going on this trip is because he's a real piece of crap. You don't see that at your age, but someone who's been through that kind of crap before sees it plain as day. Your husband is letting her treat you like crap because he is a weenie. No woman his own age would put up with his crap. No woman his own age can stand him, and he knows it. I don't usually encourage divorce, but I believe this marriage was a mistake. Don't make another one by staying with this loser.

I forgot to mention, every time you have an argument, and you will, all married couples do, he's going to be running home to his mama telling her what a horrible person you are. All mamas boys do this.

"As far as me saving to leave he is the one who should save to leave because i make A lot more money than he does..
He moved into my home when we got married & everything is in my name. Including my vehicle."

Okay, you have shed so much light on the subject. He's wanting you to keep him up. He's using you. You work while he goes out and has fun. He tells you what a horrible person his mother is, but he's telling his mother on this trip that you're a horrible person. And he tells her that other times as well. If his mother was so horrible, he wouldn't do things with her. He has her believing you ARE a horrible person, which explains her reactions, the eye rolling, ignoring you, the wonderful wedding gift you got from her, etc. She can't figure out for the life of her why he'd marry someone that he says is "horrible".

Your dad got mad, but realized when you turned 18, he couldn't say anything.

Don't feel like a failure. This is a learning experience. We all had to go through them. I (thankfully) didn't marry my first love, but came close. He was just as much a piece of garbage as your Preston. He was 25 and I 18. 26 and 19 when we became engaged. Thankfully I wised up before marriage. My advice to you is the next time he runs to his mama, have his bags packed for him and file divorce papers.

Answer 2

You might just need to kill her with kindness. I think it probably has a lot to do with your age. Whatever you do, do NOT make him choose between you and her. You can tell him that you'd prefer that he didn't go on the trip, but that you'll support him in any decision that he makes. Because you don't want to seem like the shrew of a wife who makes him stay home from a trip with his Mom. Then you KNOW she'll only blame you even more! You can tell him specifically that you think it's important for him to spend time with his Mother. Because if you force him to stay home, then it will only make things worse.

There might not be one thing you can do to get on good terms with your mother-in-law, but you just have to be patient and wait it out. Be the bigger person in this and just let her say whatever she wants to say. You know the truth!

Answer 3

If your husband doesn't stick up for you, I'm afraid your marriage is not going to succeed. He should be putting you ahead of his mother. And he should not go on a trip without you.

There is no way to make her like you. All you can do is just be yourself, and try to ignore her bad behavior.

I'm sorry you have such a weak husband, and such a controlling mother-in-law.

Answer 4

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Answer 5

I sympathise with you so much. The one thing that I really stress is you must stay honest with your husband. Always let him know how you feel. I've had very similar problems. His mother invited herself to stay while I gave birth. I felt so violated. She thinks I'm not good enough for her son and that I am a bad mother. Sad part is she doesn't have the courage to actually say any of that. My husband assures me that he doesn't feel that way and that he doesn't care what his mom thinks. But I DO. and that is important. I have cut his family out of my life because I don't like the way they make me feel about myself. No one should make you feel bad, especially not family. I make sure that my husband takes our children over to see them but I let him know when stuff bothers me and if it comes down to it I will make him choose. It may not be the best advice but life is short and you deserve to be happy.

Answer 6

She thinks you are a child and is going to treat you as one. And I am sure that she is saving her pennies for the divorce. Make it an issue with hubby, at 31 he should be man enough to stand up to mama. Honey, if he is choosing mommy over you, you had better be working so you can support yourself once he's gone.

Answer 7

He is the one who needs to straighten out his mother. The same way your parents got over it since you talked to them about your relationship with an older guy then he needs to take care of his mom. Sounds to me like you have it all together and you could have done better for yourself. All men get tired after a while of hearing the same thing over and over in addition to being put down. He will get sick of his mother's bitc****** soon.

He needs to respect you. I would tell him for future holidays if his mom can't be civil you are not going to spend the day upset. He can talk to her or not spend the holiday with her. His choice.

Answer 8

Your husband needs to grow some balls and stick up for you ,,,, did he marry you or his mother err and why on earth did he go on a trip with out you....nice one! if my hubby did that id say "honey see ya".... thank god my hubby loves and respects me and stays by my side.....good luck on what ever choice you make!. but if you have some self respect then you should speak up or forever hold your tongue and live a life in the back seat compared to his mommy!oh and there is nothing you can do to 'make her like you" forget that she already has made up her mind and is working really hard on changing her sons mind ...think carefully for your own sanity!

Answer 9

i am sorry to learn you have a difficult mother in law.

your husband should not have gone on a trip without you.

avoid your mother in law.

when you do see her say hello and nothing more.

avoid her by all means.

good luck.

Answer 10

i think that you need to have a serious talk with your new hubby he needs to be a man and stand up for himself and for you. he needs to let his mother know that you are his new wife and she needs to learn to accept you if he plans on spending the rest of his life with you.