I have a problem, I can't get close to people so I can't make friends. I can sort of talk to them and we get along and they usually want to get together again or exchange phone numbers or something and they're always really sweet but I NEVER contact them again because I think they'll hate me if they knew me better and I'm just scared so I keep everyone at arms length. but then it depresses me when people share stories of all the fun times they had with friends and what they're doing together and everything and I just feel like, why not me? lol you know? this is really depressing, what should I do?
2007-11-23 18:49:20 · 9 answers · asked by Arienna C 1 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
It is very frightening to put yourself out there where you might get hurt, but if you never try to find friends then you make any friends. And ,yes, you will undoubtedly be hurt at some time in your life by your friend, or some one proclaiming to be your friend. There are people out there who will only be your friend to get what they need from you, not really caring for the real person you are, but, isn't it better to gamble on being hurt than to never risk yourself and in never finding any true friends? You have to be a friend before you will find a friend. You will need to want another person to find friendship before you can find it for yourself. If you can live your life without any friends, then continue on the path you are now on. But to find a friend you are going to have to open up ,and to put yourself at risk....and, no, not everyone will like you, but that is not your problem, that is their burden to carry. Be true to your own ideals, and be yourself...never try to be what you think someone else is looking for..you can only be you. In time , you will attract someone who needs a person just like you to be their friend. Be a good listener, offer help to others when ever you can. Make eye contact and smile. Don't worry what others are thinking about you..they are usually worrying what You are thinking about them. We are really all very much alike.
2007-11-23 19:25:24 · answer #1 · answered by territizzyb 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You might be scared of being rejected in the future. Try to have fun with them, call them, and hang out with them, if you are not a outdoor person, try to do things at home and invite your new friends, making friends is not as easy as it seems. Build up your confidence and know that there will be somethings that you will learn from them, and be pretty sure that they will learn things about. Explore that world, and you will feel so much better. You do ot need to be an outgoing person to make friends, just be yourself and punt on the table what you got to offer, hey..some people are going to take and some wont even look at it, but do ot feel bad, that is why we are human beings......we are all different from each other!
2007-11-23 19:17:57 · answer #2 · answered by mimimimi 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm somewhat like that, I get along with people great, I just don't let people get close to me and I end up passively driving them away. For you, it can be an insecurity thing, perhaps you're afraid of getting hurt once people get close to you. You seem to have a bad perception of yourself as you stated you're afraid people will hate you if they knew you better, that is likely all in your head. You sound like a sweet person, hope it works out.
2007-11-23 19:01:37 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
you probably secretly DONT want to be friends with them or maybe you are too good for them and you know it or you are probably thinking well most people are dumb anyway so it will probably end in disaster one way or another if you do get involved in that 'drama' which it usually does. Its better to just get close with a couple special people who know the real you and LOVE it then mess with a bunch of stupid people who you dont know that well. Then again you can just keep it casual with them.
2007-11-24 04:37:38 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have that problem, but that's cause I don't trust people at all. I've been back-stabbed once, and it only takes one time for someone to learn.
What you should do is not force it. Find someone who clicks with you. I have 2 best friends and we're real close cause something sparked. Don't rush it, don't force it.
Not everyone has happy friendship stories like you think. You're not the only one who doesn't have a girls night-out planned every Saturday night.
2007-11-23 18:58:15 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well, maybe your problem could be with trust. And keep in mind I only call this a problem because it bothers you. You may or may not be aware of it, but you may have a fear of getting hurt, because trusting people, can get you hurt, trust gives people the ability to hurt you. People need friends, they give you good times, that no one else could ever give you. It's kinda just a risk you have to take.
2007-11-24 01:29:02 · answer #6 · answered by flawd_beauty 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your afraid of rejection for some reason, this is the first time and maybe the last we will ever communicate with each other, so let it all out, hide nothing...we all get rejected somehow, someway, sonner or later.....Were all the same...live life and have fun
2007-11-23 19:00:49 · answer #7 · answered by Speedstar 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to get over yourself. Stop worrying about what other people MIGHT think about you if they knew everything there is to know about you. You can't live your life in a state of perpetual fear. Get over it and get on with your life.
2007-11-23 18:58:12 · answer #8 · answered by Richard B 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I know how you feel. You probably know this already, but the best way to deal with it is to stop worrying about what others think. Don't be afraid to be you, be confident and trust yourself.
2007-11-23 19:12:09 · answer #9 · answered by 5 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋