Me and my wife seperated about 4 months ago and now she has boyfriend of 20 (we are both 34!) I now have been living on my own for 2 months. I have been reading alot of divorce recovery books and am trying to heal myself, this is the question: Is it ok for me to start dating even though I am still married? I want to make friends of the opposite sex, I just don't know if it would be appropriate for me to do that since I am still married. I do not feel me and my ex will work things out. Women do you have any advice for me?
2007-11-23 17:30:51 · 18 answers · asked by Sylent 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I should say that I use to think that I couldn't live without her. I use to hate coming home to my small empty apartment. Now I am beginning to like the solitude. When I think of her I do not feel hurt/angry like before. I am ok. Thank God for my divorce recovery book! I guess I shouldn't have used the word date. I really just want to have more friends of the opposite sex. Not for romantic friendships but more for regular hanging out friendships. (I get along better with females than males.)
2007-11-24 10:00:35 · update #1
Also seperated, not yet divorced...let's face it..it can be lonely. I have gone out with some other people, I've been honest with them as far as where I am in life. t feels good to have someone hug you, kiss you, but that doesn't mean I'm looking for a serious relationship..if it happens...oh, well. Consider something like Table for Six... a nice low key way to meet other people...
2007-11-23 17:45:03 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
My honest opinion is that no, you shouldn't start dating right away. I say that because I think you are probably trying to find a way to distract yourself from the pain of your situation. Just because she decided it was ok to act like an idiot dating someone who isn't even age appropriate, doesn't mean you should dive into something when you really havn't had enough time to really put things into perspective. Wait until your divorce is final, and you will have maintained your integrity all the way through IN SPITE of what she has done, and then, by all means, meet as many women as you like. Best wishes to you.
Edit: Glad to hear you are feeling much better than before, keep up the good work! As for finding female friends, I don't see anything that would be inappropriate with that at all. I would look for all kinds of friends, male or female. I wouldn't put yourself into situations where you are one on one with a female you are physically attracted to though this soon. You might forget that you just wanted to make friends, lol
2007-11-23 17:43:13 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
mingling with other people will help you on the recovery stage however, it is best if you can avoid an intimate relationship until you are completely healed or at least sure of yourself that it is what you want otherwise it may have a chance to be a rebound relationship which is not good. Spare the lady lest you hurt another person and be more miserable. Just because your ex-wife has found a new bf doesn't mean you ought to compete with her. People who are not completely healed of their past relationship usually carry their excess baggages into the new one and end up more screwed up than before. Enjoy your new freedom and get to know other people and take it easy for any mushy stuff...
2007-11-23 22:15:18 · answer #3 · answered by jables 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop caring what your exwife is doing. The best is to not to date for now, is not going to be enjoyable as you think, you will be thinking on your ex and it will make your healing process a lot slower. Try to have fun on your own, find a couple or at least 1 hobby in something, even if it is not the right one, later you can change it, try new things, it will be amazing how you will be growing as a person, then for when the time to meet people from the opposite sex comes, you will be really enjoy the moment since is going to be a while, you will feel great again like you want. The other person probably is going to have dated other guys, an x number, and never put her feelings in order, running to the first guy that cross your path (or woman in your case) shows lack of self control and discipline, indicates your emotions control your life and not you.
2007-11-23 17:47:32 · answer #4 · answered by livingthe30s 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Heal and find yourself first before you seek another relationship. To be honest, it's a big turn off to be chatting up a guy at a bar or something and then he says, "I'm going through a divorce." There's always the chance he and the ex will get back together. There's also the chance that he's full of BS because that line gets used soooo much.
2007-11-23 17:38:06 · answer #5 · answered by siava101 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It takes awhile to be "legally" divorced. You are over basically even though you are still "legally married" you are not "mentally married". I would definetly move on if I was in your position. Make sure, you assure the girls that you are not doing this to make her jealous. No one wants to date a guy who they think may be using them. When you are on a date, make sure you tell them about it because if you become more serious it will be consider lying or a secret if you don't. I suggest maybe taking alittle more "rest time". No drama with women or anything. Another thing, do not make a big deal about your break-up during a date with someone else. Its a depressing topic to talk about divorce. My advice would be: Alittle more rest time (not because your not divorced yet) and whenever you want to go right back into dating.
2007-11-23 17:40:40 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
From a woman's point of view you can have friends, friendships are important to every one, but wait until the divorce is final until starting another relationship (romance, sex). That means that you have the courtesy to finish one relationship before starting a new one, which is what I think your ex should have done too.
And give yourself time to heal, a broken marriage is a bit like a death, you have to grieve the loss - of hopes and dreams for that relationship - before you can truly move on.
2007-11-23 17:39:53 · answer #7 · answered by Barb Outhere 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You must do what you feel comfortable with. Your wife has moved on. If you have no plans on getting back together than you should go on with your life. I suggest starting slow, establishing friendship is a good start and just take it from there.
I think it's great that you are reading all those books. This way you also won't do something on the rebound and possibly hurt someone else or yourself in the process.
2007-11-23 17:37:43 · answer #8 · answered by Sevannah D 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I am not a lawyer or an expert but:
If you have children and/or any sizable assets that your soon to be ex could take from you then do not openly date anyone else until that divorce is final. She could use your relationship with someone else against you. Even if the divorce is amicable she could change her mind and be ruthless.
If you just can't wait I guess you could discretely see other women.
2007-11-23 17:58:03 · answer #9 · answered by Julie C 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Its better you wait, like you said your still married...I'm in the middle of a divorce and guys keep asking me out, i tell them until the judge signs the paper I'm still married...Plus you dont want to bring someone else into your divorce and you do need time to figure what you really want before you get into another relationship.
2007-11-23 17:39:02 · answer #10 · answered by ABBYsMom 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋