Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty.
But everything else starts to
wear out, fall out, or spread out.
There are three signs of old age.
The first is your loss of memory,
the other two I forget.
You're getting old when
you don't care where your spouse goes,
just as long as you don't have to go along.
Middle age is when work is a lot less fun
and fun a lot more work.
Statistics show that at the age of seventy,
there are five women to every man.
Isn't that the darndest time for a guy to get those odds?
You know you're getting on in years
when the girls at the office start confiding in you.
Middle age is when it takes longer to rest than to get tired.
By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step,
he's too old to go anywhere.
Middle age is when
you have stopped growing at both ends,
and have begun to grow in the middle.
Of course I'm against sin;
I'm against anything that I'm too old to enjoy.
A man has reached middle age
when he is cautioned to slow down by his doctor
instead of by the police.
Middle age is having a choice of two temptations
and choosing the one that will get you home earlier.
You know you're into middle age when
you realize that caution is the only thing
you care to exercise.
At my age, "getting a little action" means
I don't need to take a laxative.
Don't worry about avoiding temptation.
As you grow older, it will avoid you.
The aging process could be slowed down
if it had to work its way through Congress.
You're getting old when
getting lucky means
you find your car in the parking lot.
You're getting old when
you're sitting in a rocker
and you can't get it started.
You're getting old when
your wife gives up sex for Lent,
and you don't know until the 4th of July.
You're getting old when
you wake up with that morning-after feeling,
and you didn't do anything the night before.
The cardiologist's diet:
if it tastes good, spit it out.
Doctor to patient: I have good news and bad news:
the good news is that you are not a hypochondriac.
It's hard to be nostalgic
when you can't remember anything.
You know you're getting old when
you stop buying green bananas.
Last Will and Testament:
Being of sound mind, I spent all my money.
2007-11-23 16:14:49 · 18 answers · asked by Croeso 6 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Senior Citizens
Fleur....what????
2007-11-23 18:28:16 · update #1
Eric S, thats a goodie, and to you all thanks, i love a bit o fun xx
2007-11-23 21:49:02 · update #2
I just filled out my last will and testicle
2007-11-24 02:13:33 · answer #1 · answered by gggggg 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Just a little more:-
Just a line to say I'm living:
That I'm not among the Dead;
Though I'm getting forgetful
and so mixed up in my head.
I've got used to my arthritis,
To my dentures I'm resigned;
I can cope with my bi-focals,
But ye gods I need my mind
There are times I can't remember
When I'm standing on the stair-
If I should be going up
or have I just come from there.
And before the fridge is opened,
Now my mind is full of doubt:
Did I put the food away-
Or have I come to take some out.
2007-11-23 21:37:47 · answer #2 · answered by ERIC S 6 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Yes. I particularly like the last one.
You can't afford to buy a Porsche until you're too old to enjoy it.
2007-11-23 20:57:05 · answer #3 · answered by cymry3jones 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
LOL. We can identify with the "waking up with the morning after feeling....." Beats me how we do coz we're teetotal! This is the first post we've looked at today & what a way to start our YQ&A off! Thanks PeeMee. xx
2007-11-24 01:46:35 · answer #4 · answered by ? 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
INSANITY IS HEREDITARY, YOU GET IT FROM YOUR KIDS.
YOU KNOW YOU ARE OLD WHEN THEY PLAY YOUR HIGH SCHOOL SONGS AT THE SUPERMARKET
FUNNY HOW LIFE IS YA START OUT BALD, WET YOUR PANTS, WEAR DIAPERS, CANNOT TALK, GROW UP AND DO ALL THOSE THINGS THEN REVERSE THE CYCLE AS YOU GET OLDER, CANNOT TALK, WEAR DIAPERS, WET YOUR PANTS AND GO BALD, WHAT A VICIOUS CYCLE.
ALZHEIMER'S IS FUN-YA KEEP MEETING NEW PEOPLE EVERYDAY.
2007-11-23 17:36:46 · answer #5 · answered by ahsoasho2u2 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
A man knows he's getting old when young women smile and say hello to him.
2007-11-23 16:28:51 · answer #6 · answered by TRAF 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Ya Hit the nail on the head!!!!!! I printed it out and a friend of mine , who is a typesetter, is going to print it up and frame it
2007-11-23 17:15:01 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
A lot of them are starting to be daily occurences. thank you. like a good laugh to start my day.
2007-11-23 23:33:10 · answer #8 · answered by Aloha_Ann 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
These are great....love the Green Banans one...lol
2007-11-23 19:55:27 · answer #9 · answered by ♥ HOPE ♥ 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Yes, I recognize them. I hate it when I lose my regular glasses and have to put my reading glasses on to find them!!
2007-11-24 00:47:39 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
lol, very good PeeMee but you missed one!
Don't worry I won't tell anyone who found their glasses in the fridge!
Hugs xxx
2007-11-23 23:51:20 · answer #11 · answered by ? 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋