We have 4 little boys and since Leaving the Marine Corps a year ago my mild mannered husband has become a raging monster. I am 8 months pregnant with our 4th, he rips my hair out, pulls my hair, hits me in the head and face, chokes me and squeezes my neck. He is also verbally abusive to our 8yr old son calling him unspeakable things. I know that his Sgt First Class is aware of the situtation because I have informed his wife but the command is "powerless" to do anything to stop him unless I call the police and force their hand or he goes to them with his issues. I can't take anymore of this or him. He blames his anger and behavior on not having time alone with me and various other B.S. excuses. I was married to an abusive cocaine addict when I was younger and have a current 5yr order of protection, figures I would choose a loser the 2nd time around. I know there is legal on post but I'm not sure if the process is legal seperation first. The post in half in Ky and we live in Tn.
2007-11-23 15:38:29 · 9 answers · asked by nicolejmatthews 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
We have 4 little boys and since Leaving the Marine Corps a year ago my mild mannered husband has become a raging monster. I am 8 months pregnant with our 4th, he rips my hair out, pulls my hair, hits me in the head and face, chokes me and squeezes my neck. He is also verbally abusive to our 8yr old son calling him unspeakable things. I know that his SFC is aware of the situtation because I have informed his wife but the command is "powerless" to do anything to stop him unless I call the police and force their hand or he goes to them with his issues. I can't take anymore of this or him. He blames his anger and behavior on not having time alone with me and various other B.S. excuses.
BTW I HAVE NO WHERE TO GO, no local family, the car is soley in his name and I am high risk with this baby, I have heart problems and I had a stroke about 3 months ago. Closest family is over 17hrs by car away. He also said he would hunt me down and kill me. It's a little bit harder then just running!
2007-11-23 16:00:19 · update #1
We are not new to the military we did 6yrs in the corps. I am very familar with chain of command and how it works. The Army just seems to have nothing. I am not a really young little girl with no common sense. I'm just trying to go through the proper legal channels since the command more or less doesn't want to hear it. I don't want to ruin his career, the military isn't his career, he has a degree and non military skills. We are from Pa and in that state there is no "legal" seperation. I want an offical granting of that so I can leave without being pulled back because of the children. He called ACS about getting help for anger management when we got here both ACS and my hubby dropped the ball. They never called back with an appt for him after making a big deal of it to both of us and he never bothered to call them back because he has a top secret clearence he does not want to lose. I'm not big on police, they create more problems in my past experience.
2007-11-23 16:08:11 · update #2
I'm not sure where Ft Cambell is, but If I did I could help you a little better. Here are the steps that will help your situation.
1. First of all you need to find a local shelter. There are shelters for battered women in amost every State in the United states. If you have internet access then do a google search in your area. OR call your local hospital and they should be able to get you in touch with a womens shelter.
2. Once you get a shelter or other place safe to stay with your children then you will tell the husbands Sergeant personally. Let him no your leaving, and you would very much appreciate it if he can keep your husband bussy for the entire day. That way you have a safe amount of time to get out.
3. Pack only the stuff you need. Don't worry about trying to take heavy items, or anything that will weigh you and your children down. Pack clothes, and food-thats it. If you have money or can get into your husbands money without him knowing it then take as much as you can possibly get a hold of.
4. Go to the womens shelter, and then directly to the court house for a restraining order. All you need to do is provide proof that your husband is a danger to you, and your kids. It will not be hard to get one in your situation.
5. Do not contact your husband under ANY CIRCUMSTANCES. If you give him leeway he will walk all over you. Do not let him see the children at this time.
6. Apply for basic state benefits such as food stamps, and money, medical. They can also help you get into a place of your own once your ready. The welfare office will be listed in the phone book, and the shelter will help you out with transportation most likely.
It is very important that you do these things before filing for seperation or divorce. If you don't then you have not proven that your husband is abusive or dangerous. He will try to take the kid's away and he could win if you don't leave now.
Email me if you need further assistance! You can click onto my avatar (picture of my cartoon figure), and then there is a button to email people if the except emails-I do.
My mother was abused for 11 years until she finally left after having her head bashed in with a hammer. I've blocked the entire part of my life out. I have no memory of it what so ever. I was 5 when she left with me. Do not let your husband ruin you and your kids life.
UPDATE: It seems like your not wanting to get out of the situation. It does no good to keep feeling sorry for your self. You owe it your children to leave this situation. Be a mother for gods sake!!!!
2007-11-23 16:20:31 · answer #1 · answered by chicata25 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like your husband has PTSD. Post traumatic stress disorder. If he is abusive you need to be looking at a safe place for you and your children. Have you spoken af these outbursts to your health care provider? Have you any way to request a psychological consult for your husband through his Command? I suspect that the abuse will continue to escalate as your pregnancy continues so you need to find out where the nearest safe house or womans and childrens shelter is. Make sure that you take your marriage license, bank and savings account information and the childrens birth certificates, as well as your military I.D. cards. File a restraining order with the police and get yourself a lawyer but be very careful to do these things without your husbands knowlege. The post childcare center can help you with a few hours of free child care while you are attending to the details. The chaplains on post should also be able to get you some assistance. Your first concern must be your own and that of your children so good luck and be safe.
2007-11-23 16:15:08 · answer #2 · answered by Mama Mia 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Obviously you need to get to a safe place. I would call a family member or a friend and see what you could do about arranging for another place to stay at. You can also file a protection from abuse order. That is what I would do because you are married, otherwise I would just pack my **** and leave.
2007-11-23 15:45:10 · answer #3 · answered by doesitmatter 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
get out of this immediately. This isn't the place to ask What is the process for filing for divorce in the Army. This is not a safe environment for your children. I know that most children grow up to act like their parents.
2007-11-23 15:44:37 · answer #4 · answered by rawrrgoesthelion 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get all your things money,bankbooks cards ,kids pics and anything Else not nailed down cash everything out and leave think of it as you get the money and kids and he gets the house and gears don't wait next time he wants to hit some one it could be one of the kids
2007-11-23 15:51:02 · answer #5 · answered by Myra N 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you waiting for him to almost kill you or really harm the kids before taking action? Like said above, the military does NOT tolerate abuse. Report him as soon as you can before it's too late.
2007-11-23 15:45:27 · answer #6 · answered by siava101 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you can TOTALLY ruin this mans career!! the military does not toleratee abuse.. so if i were who go through the chain of command... thats houw things get done in the military... they have hotlines and stuff you can call to report things... if not then if he hits you again, got to the hospital even if it is a minor cut or bruise.. they have to report and log everything... thats how he'll get caught.. they dont play in the m military
2007-11-23 15:59:46 · answer #7 · answered by soldiersgurl 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sweetheart, the military DO NOT tolerate this kind of ****, if you really want to get out, YOU CAN DO IT, you dont talk to the first sargeants wife, YOU TALK DIRECTLY TO HIM, and if he dosent do anything you call the police, WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR??? maybe you like this kind of situations.......
2007-11-23 15:42:54 · answer #8 · answered by suehellen 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Leave him if not for yourself please do so for your babies.
2007-11-23 15:41:20 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋