My husband is in love with his friends?

Question

I think my husband spends way too much time with his friends and I am ready to leave him over this. Every weekend ist golf, cards, or something.

I am just about ready to leave him over this. We have not talked the past two days, I told him to go talk to his friends since he loved them so much. And our sex life is non existent over this. Why give him any, if he isnt willing to spend time with me? He is getting ready to deploy in less than a month and I dont think it's much to ask, to stay with me.

What should I do? I feel useless and not needed in this marriage. I honestly think that if he were married to his friends he'd be happier as would I.

He knows how I feel. He just "has so much fun." I told him if it doesnt change I wont be here when he gets back. I will leave him before he gets the chance to abandon me.

I hate his friends, and I hate that he wants to be with them versus me.

Im 23 and him 24 and we have been married 3 yrs on Dec. 30

Answer 1

If your husband is being deployed in less than a month, there must be A LOT on his mind right now. Respect that. It makes him feel more relaxed and comfortable to be with his friends. That's perfectly understandable.

I do understand what you're feeling. Completely. You think that you should be enough for him, that he should come to you with his problems, that he should love you enough to want to be with you and only you in his spare time. I used to feel the same way about my fiance, but I learned something. One person is not enough for anyone. Regardless of how much you love your spouse/signifiant other, you still need to spend time with your friends. To expect him to spend every spare minute with you is unrealistic.

You married young, and something that you'll have to deal with because of that is that neither of you got a chance to "sew your wild oats" so to speak. Yes, a person is an adult at 18, and legally allowed to marry, but people are aways growing up and learning about themselves. One thing that you'll have to accept since you married young is that you both have a lot of changing that you're still going to do before you settle down completely. You have to respect that.

Don't threaten to leave every time you get upset with him. Eventually, he won't even hear your threats anymore. If you're going to leave, leave. If not, don't mention it. It doesn't help the situation at all.

Hating his friends will do you no good. It will only push him farther away. He will feel like you're trying to make him choose, like you're trying to take them away from him, and he will become defensive and protective of them. You're going to have to make an effort with his friends. Invite them over. let them play cards or watch football games in your home. Play hostess. He'll appreciate the effort, and he'll get to spend time with his friends. You'll feel better cause he's there. Everyone wins.

Answer 2

So your husband is in the army or something of the sort right so this alone should have told you that he is a "mans man" loves hanging out with the guys.

Your husband is probably trying so hard all the time to avoid the feelings of angst and depression and when he is around his mates it's always a good time he doesn't have to try hard cause he knows how to make them happy, where as with you he probably hasn't a clue how to make you happy.
So he avoids the problem only making it worse but in his mind thinking " i can't handle it nothing i do works and i give up" and runs of to his mates.

If i were you i would accept that he has a strong bond with his friends, but i would also insist that he put some time aside for the both of you to be alone each day,

Try everything you can think of to get this marriage back on track before considering divorce.

Also ask your self apart from him how are you feeling about YOU, if you feel crap, ugly, fat ,boring,worthless you will project this out to people and that can make people not want to be around you,
So work on yourself try making you happy start to feel good about who you are and then go from there.

Answer 3

That sounds awfully immature of him. Obviously we all need friends, whether or not a person is married, but when you're married I feel that your wife/kids should come before any one else. That's unfortunate that he's being such a dipshit. I would say you two could go to counseling, but it doesn't sound like he'd be the type to agree to go. You may already have your answer.....but I agree with the previous poster. If it ends, that's unfortunate, but it just means that he's too immature for marriage.

Answer 4

Maybe the best way to get him to spend time with you IS to have sex with him! Promise him that if he stays home, he'll get the time of his life. This will encourage him to stay home.

When he does stay home, don't nag him about what he doesn't do. Show him a good time (not just sexually) and let him relax. Espcially since he's going to be gone very soon.

Answer 5

Sounds like you married a complete idiot, but most men are at the age of 24, specially if theyre in the military, and if hes going to irak, hes going to care even less, and just enjoy the moment cause you never know what might happen there, if youre willing to wait and put up with this attitude i aplaude you but if you leave him now, ill give you a standing OVATION!!!

Answer 6

Have the two of you changed so much in the relationship that you can no longer get along? If so, perhaps his deployment is exactly what the two of you need. Since he's leaving soon though, let him have his fun. Hopefully he'll come back in one piece and the two of you will get along better.

Answer 7

how old are you all? good grief you always need to think of compatibility BEFore the marriage.. some men are boring and not romantic unfortunately.. How long have you been married? Im sorry.. if he doesnt talk or change anything.. you wont stay Tell him that.. good luck

Answer 8

first of all you shouldn't punish your husband by not giving him sex.....he will go and find it somewhere else....and when he's with his friends don't be mad ....like you said he's going to Iraq ...maybe he feels that he may not come back so he's spending time with who he feels are important....my fiancee' is deployed in Iraq too he's been gone since August before he left he was acting wierd but he explained to me why he was hanging around everyone...he came out and told me that he was scared going to Iraq and the area that he was going to he told me that he may not come back so he spent with everyone that he cared about....I understood and let him do what he had to do........just be patient and talk nicely to your husband...he'll come around and spend his last moments with you just don't nag at him..(guys don't like that).....

Answer 9

Had the same problem with mine. We are no longer married. If he has any redeming value, give him the ultimatum, you or them. If he has not grown up, he will choose them. If that happens, leave and find an adult. Good luck to you. PS, don't get pregnant.

Answer 10

This is not realistic grounds for a divorce... at least not yet. What does he say to you? Are you naggy and unbearable to be with?

There is a real problem here but I am not sure you know what it is yet.

Good luck.