Should I tell him to cheat???

Question

I've been married for 2 1/2 years. My husband was a virgin. He just got back from Iraq and we're supposed to be trying to get pregnant. But lately he only wants to talk about bringing other people into the bedroom.

I hate the idea. Its grosses me out and makes me feel as though I'm not good enough. We've never had any problems til now. I don't know what to do.

The Bible is pretty specific on how God feels about sex outside of marriage and I don't want to violate God's Word but at the same time I want my husband happy.

If I can't satisfy him and I don't want other people with us should I tell him to go get it out of his system and I'll be here when he gets back???????????

If he does that then he may leave me or never stop the trysts but if I don't he might leave me or just recent me for the rest of our marriage.

He can't even preform anymore without talking about other people.

HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!

Divorce just is NOT an option.

We already have one child together.

Answer 1

I think that your husband is going through a phase...play with him with this and you will be closer together...don't bring anyone else into your bedroom though...just feed this fantasy until he gets over it. He sounds pretty normal...just get a little, and pardon me because you sound religious...I am spiritual and believe in and love God....however get a little freaky in the bedroom with him, be a lady everywhere else however the saying a "w_ore in the bedroom" wasn't coined for no reason...This advice will help your marriage.

Answer 2

FIRST!!! Being in the military and in combat changes people. If he was religious and Biblical before leaving then you have to try to get him BACK to where he was in his beliefs before he left. Obviously he has been introduced to experimenting with sex or has been watching porn with his war buddies. This has caused him to wonder what this would be like. You need to seek pastoral counselling or military counselling about his experience in Iraq. If he has changed so much and is unwilling to come back "into the fold" so to speak, you have several options.

1. Biblically speaking, it does say that "if the sinner wishing to leave, let them do so." You are under no restrictions as to getting remarried. Get your child support, divorce and start over with someone that believes the way you do.

2. You could allow him to "do his thing" in hopes of him coming back to you. While you are not held accountable for his "sins", you can rest assured that the marriage will soon be over. Also, you have to worry about him getting someone else pregnant or catching a disease.

3. You could allow him to bring someone in and here too the Bible says that "The wedding bed is undefied." This means that what the two of you agree to is covered under your marriage vows. BUT you already said you don't want this so you are not in agreement. Also, you could probably kiss your marriage goodbye in this instance as well.

Basically, he has changed. This is common in the military. If after counselling he doesn't come back, let him go, get your child support and alimony, and find you a new husband.

Answer 3

This is hard! Obviously your spirituatlity is very important to you. Does he share the same religious convictions as you? If so, perhaps you could set up a meeting with a counselor from your church to see if it can be worked out.

I do not recomment bringing another girl into the bedroom, or giving him permission to be with another girl. That's not going to help. I promise.

Put off having a baby for now. You don't want to bring a child into a marriage that is unstable. Work on fixing the relationship with your husband, and then think about children. A lot of times men are pressured into having crazy sex stories to tell to their male friends. That doesn't mean he can pressure you into something that you're not comfortable with.

As a last resort, the marriage can be ended, but i understand that's a very hard decision to make. However, one of the vows that husband takes during the marriage ceremony is to honor his wife, and he's obviously not keeping his vows.

I'm sorry you're going through this. Good luck.

Answer 4

You need to get your Pastor involved and take your husband into counseling. Something happened to his head while in Iraq and he isn't thinking right. No Christian man would treat his wife this way and NO WAY should you ever tell him this is acceptable. God is specific and clear on how Husbands are to treat their wives and how wives are to treat their husbands. If your husband steps outside the marriage, the vows are broken which leaves a broken marriage. If he cannot perform without talking about people than there is something he isn't telling you. Try and get him to open up and if he won't, I would not be trying to have a baby with him just yet. Get into some good Christian Counseling first.

Good Luck and God Bless

Answer 5

Look I know how u feel, but the bible does say that divorce is permitted if one partner commits adultery. ANd that is what ur husband would be doing, wheather he cheats on u, or wheather he brings in another. IT doesn't matter if u let him...it's still adultery. But if no divorce is a personal choice and ur willing to do anything to keep ur marriage intact, u can take the risk, but know that he'll never be truly urs...because sex isnt just sex, it's a committment of bodies and hearts. That's y it's called making love. U manifest physically, what u did in the church in front of ur family and friends.

What god put together,shall no man separate, but I think god was talking about hearts, not bodies. HE sees our hearts, so no matter what u do, if ur husband sleeps with another, he's committing adultery with his heart and body. U don't help him go against god, let him do that on his own. Don't let him cheat, and if he strays on his own, so be it. Talk to clergy, good luck.

Answer 6

If I were in your position, I would not let my husband cheat. I would expect him to be stronger than that, and if he can't be, then we shouldn't be married. Don't go against your religious beliefs just to keep God happy... that's not what He would want, and you'd regret it.

You also have to think about STDs. At least 1 in 4 women have an STD (actually it's probably more like 1 in 3)... so if you are allowing him to cheat, chances are he could come home with an unwanted present for you.... and condoms don't protect people from all STDs (including Herpes... which you can not get rid of).

Answer 7

Two suggestions to put an end to his inappropriate desires:
1-Turn the discussion around and say you would like another man to join him in bed;hpefully he'll come to his senses with a pang of jeolousy.If he wishes to pursue it may be more of a problem than initially thought.
2-Get some sex toys (dildoes) which can serve as a substitute and get it out of his system.
3-If the above fail, ask him in a serious moment in a neutral outside area why he wants to do this.
If you invite anothe individual into your bed there's a good chance it could wreck your marriage...or possibly bring it to an erotic and sophisticated level.

Answer 8

What part of the bible are you reading. You've obviously twisted God's word around severely. Let me get this straight: In your mind, divorce is NOT an option, but encouraging your own husband to have an affair is? Why don't you go to your local pastor or priest and tell him your version of the bible. when they fall back in their chair, ask them why?

Answer 9

ok first of all dont let him get you pregnat you dont need a kid to worry about while you are trying to work through this problem....you need to work everything out between you two before you think about having kids. sit down and have a real convo with him, ask him to explain his feelings to you about every aspect of this ordeal..and when he is done telling you then you tel him your feelings on the topic...pray to god for his help....dont let him cheat it will only make things worse in your relationship...and dont let any other people into your bedroom with you. if anything explore with eachother, try new things and be adventureous with eachother, try to please him that way. you can do that ur married :) but just talk to him and talk to god and if need be talk to your pastor.

Answer 10

why would you even think of putting yourself in that sort of position.. You are entitled to be rewspected and if you're not into "threesomes" then he should respect that .. Was this always something that came up or is it new? There is no reason for you to deal with something that makes u unhappy..Send him on his way and find someone who will