My fiance is a recovering alcoholic. He is now six months sober, but he has a few problems with his liver etc, so he is regularly seeing the doctor. I ask him how he is feeling, and if I'm not able to go to the doctor with him, I will ask him how it went and what the doctor had to say. When I do this he gets angry and tells me I'm being nosey and need to stop. And when I suggest something that might ease some of his pain, he gets angry as well and tells me I'm being a know it all. When I tell him I'm not being nosey, that I'm asking out of care and because I'm his fiance...he just continues to tell me to stop. And when I tell him that I'm not being a know it all, that I'm just trying to help him feel better, he tells me the same thing. But if I don't ask these questions or make suggestions, he'll tell me I don't care about him.
Why is he acting this way? Is it an ego/pride thing?
2007-11-23 14:02:04 · 16 answers · asked by Siobhan 2 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Polls & Surveys
I do give him his space, I don't smother him. But I care about him so asking how a doctor appointment went kind of just comes to me naturally.
2007-11-23 14:17:52 · update #1
LA I think you're probably right about it being his pride and he doesn't want me to think he is weak.
2007-11-23 14:18:55 · update #2
You poor thing, I can understand both sides of the issue here cos I'm a recovered alcoholic for 5 years now ............... and now that I'm over my addiction all I want to do is ensure everybody is happy and healthy too !!
What you have to try to remember is that often times when people kick the alcohol ball and chain they go, as I did, from from one addiction to another ie: perhaps he is now addicted to sugar or other non-nutritious foods such as take aways?? This will only serve to exacerbate his depression, irritability and moodiness as we all know that sugar will only create a situation where your body has to use up it's current reserves of nutrients and vitamins to rid organs such as the liver of nutrient robbing foods which are too high in sugar and fats............ i did precisely the same thing when I first stopped drinking .... started eating loads of chocolate and coffee until I realised how nutritionally deficient I was becoming.
Get him some multi B complex vitamins to support his neural, immune and digestive functioning.
Also if you can't get him to eat Magnesium rich foods (known as the antistress mineral) such as leafy and green vegies, cold water fishes such as salmon, tuna and sardines, nuts and seeds and wholegrains and cereals ........ then get him a good quality supplement as magnesium is a miraculous little mineral that is really important for fighting depression and moodiness and the like. magnsesium is essential for healthy nerve and muscle functioning.
if he isn't lactose intolerant or vegetarian then also try to ensure that he gets enough calcium rich foods such as milk and dairy as a deficiency in calcium will also make him one grumpy lad ........... don't forget that vitamin D (sunshine or fish) is essential for the proper assimilation of calcium.
Also without enough calcium in his body he could be getting sore and achy bones as well.
Crikey, I really do wish you the best with all my heart and give your man a great big thumbs up from me cos what he's just done by ditching the ball and chain of the grog is the best thing he could have ever done for his health and well being........ it takes amazing courage and willpower to start out on that road and he's already done 6 months - awesome !! Don't be so hard on him, cos really truly all he needs now is a little bit of nutritional guidance on good wholesome healthy foods and vitamins and he'll be right as rain. Your best bet would be to try to get him to eat as many fresh fruit and vegies, lean meats such as fish and lean cuts of meat, nuts and seeds, skimmed milks and cheeses, wholegrains and cereals and plenty of fresh filtered water as you can ....... try hard as you can to get him to cut back on nutrient robbing drinks such as coffee, tea, sodas and soft drinks and high sugar drinks cos along with the dehydration issues these drinks present they will also rob his body of essentials such pottassium (essential for carrying oxygen to the brain), calcium (essential for bone health) and your precious B vitamins !!
GOD BLESS BOTH OF YOU
& the very best of luck
♥
2007-11-23 14:20:21 · answer #1 · answered by Minx 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say it's a 'pride' issue. He's a MAN, and a man doesn't like to show any weakness or vulnerbility. It can sometimes (often times) makes us feel less of a man. We are brought up to believe that men are tough and sometimes even invicible. The thought of something we cannot control taking control of us is hard to accept to say the least. It can hurt a helluva lot more than any 'chronic' physical pain.
2007-11-23 22:08:40 · answer #2 · answered by L A 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've been sober a long time and I've noticed that even after getting sober some people still treat the people around them like crap and act like an arshole and it is entirely possible that he is just that, an arshole but give it another couple months to see.
2007-11-23 22:08:58 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
my husband is an alcoholic. i give yours credit for his 2 months sobriety! mine hasn't got there yet. i think the way yours is acting is just part of the whole disease. just be there and be supportive. have you gone to alanon meetings? sometimes they are a help. will he go see a counselor with you? it helps to have a qualified person there to sort of sort things out sometimes. don't take his attacks personally. feel free to email me if you want to talk....
2007-11-23 22:13:09 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He just wants his space, but he also doesn't want to feel like you don't care about him. Tell him when you try to help, he gets mad, but when you leave him alone, he feels unloved. Ask him what he wants you to do.
2007-11-23 22:05:27 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
there are reasons for this and you can find out so much more from wwwthesobervillage.com
It has a special section for family of recovering alcoholics!!!!
2007-11-23 22:04:37 · answer #6 · answered by Dreamz 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
because he is kicking his own a@@ each time you ask him. It just reminds him on how badly he has screwed up his life and health because of drinking,Just let him bring it up from now on
2007-11-23 22:06:22 · answer #7 · answered by cheri h 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
alcoholism is tricky. it could be any number of things.
i would suggest you contact Alanon. it's very helpful for those who are close to alcoholics.
2007-11-23 22:06:55 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds very manipulative from your description. If you decide to get married do not complain if it gets worse.
2007-11-23 22:06:41 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
let him do things for himself, just be supportive and be more understanding he really needs it right now..... i believe that he is a tough time right now (i'm sure you are too). anyway good luck to you.
2007-11-23 22:57:35 · answer #10 · answered by Bryce 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋