Please rate my poem 1-10 and constructive criticism would be nice. :]
Love the game I've won.
With your perfect hair,
And beautiful eyes,
Me and you, lets compromise,
Lets flip a coin and fight our fate,
Shh, not another word lets not debate,
Heads im yours and tails your mine,
Lets just sit back and watch the time,
No words needed, we're thinking the same,
This love of ours is just a game,
And we're the winners,
What's the prize?
That perfect hair and those beautiful eyes
-Marissa Lucas
2007-11-23 13:05:35 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
id give it a ten that was amaising when i read it out loud i could just see thegirl and the guy sitting on leather couches looking at each other slyly. this was a fun poem.
2007-11-23 15:06:56 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'd give it an 8 and a half
I really liked the rhyming scheme
I think the part after "What's the prize"
you should say something about the persons personality or at least change the perfect hair part so eyes still rhymes with prize
keep on writing poetry
2007-11-23 13:21:48 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This poem is quite solid for a beginner, there is defiantly some nice imagery in it, even yet it kinds of lacks course, its slightly confusing, it starts off off with you happy you have got here across somebody, yet they are not rather yours? and then they circulate away, this is an outstanding storyline, yet you may want for example a factor interior the poem while they circulate away. It would not extremely rhyme in places, which i do no longer blame you for, rhyming poems are very very confusing, so possibly you need to in basic terms attempt non rhyming poems at the beginning. in case you like the assumption of rhyming nonetheless, attempt in basic terms making it lyrical while spoken, counting the syllables in keeping with line is a sturdy thank you to try this. Poetry could be relaxing and extremely friendly, i think of you need to proceed, you may additionally make some funds! yet you may desire to purchase a e book on writing poetry to truly get the ideal effects, i desire to advise "the ode much less travelled: unlocking the poet interior of" via Stephen Fry, he's amazing and and extremely unique.
2016-10-17 22:35:34 · answer #3 · answered by staude 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
4
There is no rhythm.
There is no meter.
The rhyming is scattered and nearly non existant.
You have a nice subject, and you use some nice words to express yourself, but as poetry, it doesn't work well. Try to give it the things it's missing and it will be a very nice piece.
Dondi.
2007-11-23 13:48:03 · answer #4 · answered by Dondi 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Let me first qualify my answer: I'm pretty ignorant about poetry in general.
I'd give it a 7. I wasn't moved like I am with a poet like Frost, but I really like the "heads I'm your, tails you're mine" part!
2007-11-23 13:18:16 · answer #5 · answered by Pragmatism Please 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You don't rate poems it takes form the artistry of the piece, however it is very well written, and flows very nicely, great imagery and good grammar, emotion is strong but could be better.
2007-11-23 14:56:22 · answer #6 · answered by kissaled 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I Love poetry and you are really good.I loved it; as it was cute and a happy poem' nice work..
2007-11-23 15:25:22 · answer #7 · answered by Cami lives 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
10+ it is great!
2007-11-23 13:15:19 · answer #8 · answered by wow fan 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
sounds like somones relationship is up in arms....nice stuff
2007-11-23 13:18:37 · answer #9 · answered by Randy S 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋