been feeling hopeless, he goes off on me every other day, how do I get myself out of this depression. I have to stay married because I can't take care of myself and I love him and he loves me, its just that he suffered awful abuse when he was a child, subsequent adult behaviour, etc. Its either stay married to him or go into adult foster care and I have already given up half of my social security to marry him. We have just bought a trailer together. I have got to make my marriage work, how do I bounce back ?
2007-11-23 12:10:25 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Sociopathy-he intentionally hurts the people closest to him and he can't stop it, but then covers it up with displays of affection.
2007-11-23 12:15:06 · update #1
Controlling, etc.
2007-11-23 12:16:03 · update #2
He was seeing a therapist and we had good times, I need to get him to see a therapist again.
2007-11-23 12:21:48 · update #3
http://samvak.tripod.com/faq58.html
Read this link. IF he is diagnosed as a sociopath, you need to get out and don't look back. There is not any hope. This isn't love.
2007-11-23 12:40:58 · answer #1 · answered by Dani Bosco 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If the social security is the main issue, see your ss worker, who may very well tell you that you can go back to your pre-marriage income.
Sorry you just bought a trailer together, but do you want that to be the backdrop for your future abuse? The advice I can give you is get out before the injuries you sustain either kill you or take the decision of what happens out of your hands. If you land in the hospital, the situation will be turned over first to the police and hospital social worker. Then, depending on the what, where and how the incident occurred, it will involve the courts.
It doesn't make any difference what causes his abusive nature. A punch is a punch, a shove is a shove. You need to leave, and if necessary feel sorry for him from a place of safety. There are many resources out their, but you have to look for them. In most states, one phone call will get the ball rolling. The people trained in helping abused women are fully aware that you are self-doubting, vulnerable, and above all scared to death. That's what they're trained to deal with.
Good luck and get out!
2007-11-23 20:58:16 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seriously, I know this is going to be tough to hear. I have known friends and I have lived through an abusive relationship before my marriage. The only way to bounce back and get sane is to leave. It's the ONLY way. I do not believe that an abuser can ever stop controlling the person he is abusing. He might be able to move on and stop abusing other women.... but let's face it: He knows he can abuse you. If you stay, he knows he can get away with it. You have proved your loyalty even though he beats you.
I was amazed and shocked at how well my husband treated me when we first got together. I thought all men abused. That's the state of mind I was in. It's so unhealthy.
You need to leave and experience the joy of being in a RESPECTFUL and healthy relationship. You would look back and wonder why you ever took it. When you find a good relationship it will be mind blowing. Your current husband has beaten down your spirit. If you want to pick your feet up- pick them up and walk to them to the door with your bags packed.
2007-11-23 20:28:30 · answer #3 · answered by plastic 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try these great articles:
Is Your Relationship Healthy? Some Questions To Ask Yourself
http://www.hearts-and-kisses.com/relationshipadvice-is-your-relationship-healthy.html
Should I Stay Or Go? Knowing When To End A Relationship
http://www.hearts-and-kisses.com/relationshipadvice-should-i-stay-or-should-i-go.html
2007-11-23 21:53:30 · answer #4 · answered by lovehealer 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, you have to decide that you do not have to, because if you do that you take some power back. It will not get better and you will probably continue to stay until you do. The reason I say that is if you do not believe that you have a choice in the matter, he probably doesn't either, where as if you beleave that you can leave then you can start stand up on your own, and remind him of the reason's that he doesn't want to hurt you, all be it if he doesn't really beleave that he should change he probably won't and then you really should leave for your own well being and his.
2007-11-23 20:23:55 · answer #5 · answered by opal 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Read this and listen to yourself. Why are you being a victim?? Why are you making excuses for this? So he had a bad childhood, a lot of people have. It doesn't give them the right to sh*t all over others. And you'd think because they spent a good portion of THEIR life getting sh*t on, they would respect others more because they know what that's like.
How do you bounce back? You do what you have to do to get out of this abortion of a marriage. If you're miserable you can look in the mirror. Unless the both of you get some professional help, kiss your sanity and his good bye. So is it really worth it?
2007-11-23 20:23:51 · answer #6 · answered by grneyedgrly 4 · 3⤊ 1⤋
of course you can take care of yourself. how did you live before you got married? huh? you took care of yourself. you need to begin with baby steps and STOP MAKING EXCUSES FOR THE FACT THAT HE ABUSES YOU! his so-called disease is no excuse for abusing you. if you want to regain your indepdence then you need to make a plan and go for it. if you don't have a job...get one. if you don't have a bank account...then maybe you should cash your check and put your money into savings to a friend. meaning...you must have a friend or relative that you trust enough to help you save money so you can get out on your own and take care of yourself. there is no way to make your marriage work. it is only a one way street from what i see. the only way to bounce back is for you to take care of you. you are an adult...act like one.
2007-11-23 20:18:06 · answer #7 · answered by cfalways 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand you love him and that you have health problems and I feel for you. You must understand something...there is financial aid out there for you..but you would have to divorce him. The only way you are going to pick yourself up and enjoy life with out fearing what he will do next is to divorce. Emotional abuse is hurtful and damaging. You are making excuses for him..Bad sign. Take care of you.
2007-11-23 21:17:38 · answer #8 · answered by wilma s 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get away from him you deserve better
he needs to be in mental health under a good Dr
and counseling
you can take care of yourself, make up your mind
you are not to take abuse from anyone
pick yourself up and do something
2007-11-24 00:13:24 · answer #9 · answered by Gifted 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I do not know if you beleive in God but i would start with prayer. Have more confidence in yourself. Help him to go get medication and a therapist and so forth. Have this talk with him. Don't put up with that. If it is love he will help himself.
2007-11-23 20:41:41 · answer #10 · answered by Candace 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋