walking fast,flinching twice,scared am i to carry this knife.dark is this ally,no one to hear if i scream.no presence here.why did i do it? that feeling of revenge.me stabbing her,she screaming my name.i should run back,help her if i can.long legs stretching ,fast i run,back to the place i made that plunge.there my friend lay,who took my man,i pick her up,i felt her hand.still warm was it,yet blood was covereing it.the wound was cleaned,i rapped it up with my sleeves.i put her down on that snow covered ground.that ringing door i heard when i ran from my friend.then i saw him,he witnessed it,the man i love,yet we had split.he took me up,then we kissed.he told me thrice,they had not been together.instead he broke up with me to shield me of the sin he had.he was to die a leper now.me surprise how could i? i to stab the one i loved,then to hear that they hadnt loved.my mistake,my heart break.i promise to be with him,never to leave.then he ran,he couldnt decieve.revenge ruined me.
2007-11-23 12:01:07 · 19 answers · asked by freakytoad53 3 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
It's not a poem, not poetry, not even a decent essay. It's a lot of incongruous words and bad grammar stuck together with some terrible punctuating, and I for one don't count off for spelling. There are several who claim to like it, but I figure they are not too literate or are just trying for the best answer bonus of ten points.
2007-11-23 14:11:46 · answer #1 · answered by Dondi 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The moment i met you I must say i felt drawn to you so confused as to what i should do i promised i would never fall in love with you As time went by The more I knew you And the time I spent away from you I think it hit me hard As to how much I really cared for you You never really cared about me Is what I thought I had seen But you really fool me when you start to act so seriously What do you want from me? And why do you still call me continually? Replaying everything you ever did to me? Nothing makes sense anymore I didn’t want you Now I do Now times have changed So much So fast That I don’t think I’ll ever get that chance What crazy times we spent Not knowing what the both of us ever wanted from each other Now we just replay all the memories we ever spent together Only wishing the moments we get to speak could last just a moment longer
2016-05-25 03:47:41 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this isn't a poem
why don't you do this - you are talking about revenge, why don't you take your camera and then take a picture of revenge, but use words, what does revenge look like.
Why don't you pick up The New Yorker and read the poems in there. The poems in there are like snapshots, they are descriptions of feelings or dreams or whatever, just using words..
this is really no good and nobody will publish this.
I'm sorry but that's what I think but it's a good start. you can make it work. do it over and try
again. the concept is good, but the way you did it is no good. Just try to describe what revenge looks like -what symbols or word pictures can you come up with.
2007-11-23 12:07:54 · answer #3 · answered by art_flood 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I liked it.
Next time though...put spaces in it...easier to read, unless of course it was like that for dramatic effect. Oh and run it through a spell check. But, other than that it was good.
2007-11-23 12:05:04 · answer #4 · answered by Doctor in Online Medicine 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Great poem, revenge is a dish best derved cold, well done, however you need to keep your tone consistent and poised for the reader to follow properly, keep up the good work.
2007-11-23 15:03:49 · answer #5 · answered by kissaled 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
not shakespeare thats for sure
its depressing, and its random, and it doesnt sound like it has anything to do with you. Its like you chose a really random topic that seemed to you to be "emotional".
I couldn't even finish it!
o and it has absolutely NO flow
poem writer you're not
try short stories
2007-11-23 12:05:30 · answer #6 · answered by nas t 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's very good at painting a picture. But it sounds like something a serial killing would write!
2007-11-23 12:05:03 · answer #7 · answered by david h 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
not to quote someone famous but revenge is a dish best eaten cold...
but it sounds like someone has a lil issue....
2007-11-23 12:08:53 · answer #8 · answered by Sarah 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think it's kind of a poem that talks about pain but i dont like it to me it's ok but not good
2007-11-23 12:48:20 · answer #9 · answered by Prettyprincess360 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i like it.. but its very narrative.. not literatic
lemme help you..
my fear of abandon
this alley, this knife,
that feeling of revenge.
stabbing her,
and she
screaming my name
so then you use it.. or continue or dispose it
i like the theme.. dramatic..
ur good.. but chek the narrativeness!
i hope i helpoed
2007-11-23 12:05:49 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋