My father, my best friend, died last January. It still seems like yesterday that it happened. I feel such an emptiness inside and miss him more than I can explain. Never to hear his jokes, see him carve the turkey on the holidays, and the empty seat at the table is just too hard. Have any of you found a way to help in the healing process over the holidays?I used to love the holiday season, now I dread it and the rest of the family doesn't seem to be having a hard time with it.
2007-11-23 11:10:25 · 23 answers · asked by heartwhisperer2000 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
my dad died three years ago on December 8th, so you could imagine how hard it was for us on Christmas that year. What I did and still do is talk about him alot. We talk about all the funny stories and the nutty things he did, etc. It makes us laugh and i personally feel closer to him when we do this.
When I do get down and discouraged about his death I remind myself that my dad would not want me to dwell on this. He would want me to proceed with my life as I did when he was alive.
The thing is, for me anyway, that I'm never gonna really get over it, but I have found acceptance in it and that gives me peace of mind. Also, do to our faith (we are Catholic) I know he is in a much better place and he isn't sick anymore and he's happy being with all the people he loved that went before him.
2007-11-23 11:32:16 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Doing the best you can, is all that's in your power to do. Honestly, there are no secrets to surviving grief. Since you have family to celebrate with, it seems like all you need to do is show up. If you want to be sure everyone is remembering your father, give all the adults gifts in the form of a charitable contribution to your father's favorite charity. Maybe the rest of the family is putting on a brave face, because they know how hard it's been for you.
All I know to tell you for certain, is you have to celebrate the holidays, or you never will again. I haven't celebrated a single holiday in nearly 20 years, because celebrating anything was too painful after the death of my closest family member. Expect this holiday season will be the hardest to get through. And, maybe it'll be better than you expect.
2007-11-23 19:44:35 · answer #2 · answered by teaser0311 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am an adult, so you may not be able to do this, but I started a new tradition of spending Christmas with friends. They live in another state, so I am in an entirely different setting, which makes the grief a little easier. Can you get a close friend to invite you for at least this Christmas? And please talk to the rest of your family--they might be feeling the same thing you are. Good luck to you, and I promise that though the feeling of loss will never go away, it will become easier and you will be able to concentrate on the happy memories.
2007-11-23 19:15:50 · answer #3 · answered by Dory 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It just takes time. My father died in January 2004. I do any decorating for Christmas the season right before or for 2 years after. Finally, last year I did decorate. However, I don't feel like it again this year. It is very difficult. We all deal with death of loved ones in different ways.
2007-11-23 21:53:14 · answer #4 · answered by Zoe 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My wife's mother was taken off of life support and died on Christmas day. She had cancer. There is not a Christmas that goes by that we don't think about her. It's difficult at times, but we know that her mother would want us to move on with our lives and have a happy Christmas. It is very normal to mourn the death of a loved one. Some mourn longer than others and in different ways. That is part of the healing process. It takes time, but the hurt will soon pass. I am sure that your father would not want you to be sad and enjoy the holidays. Be patient with yourself, and be with family during this time of year. It will take some time, but it will get easier.
2007-11-23 20:01:38 · answer #5 · answered by Doc 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. I can only imagine what you are feeling. I had to deal with the death of my youngest son, two weeks after the Christmas of 1987. The holidays are still difficult for me, especially when it comes to dinners & putting up the Christmas tree & decorations. (he always helped me do these things) I find myself talking to my son more around the holidays, as I pass by his picture that is on the wall in my living room, next to his two brothers. When I start to feel sad around the holidays, I am flooded by so many memeories of the holidays past. They comfort me always. I hope it will work for you too. Not everyone grieves the same when holidays or special occassions come around, so don't worry about that. We all grieve in our own way. There are "Seven Stages" of grieving after losing someone we love so much. Give yourself some time, & it'll get a little easier for you as time goes by. Your dad is watching over you today & everyday. You will feel his presence & that may comfort you.
2007-11-23 19:31:35 · answer #6 · answered by Shortstuff13 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Time will heal everything. speaking from experience, both of my parents are gone my mom passed away when I was little and my dad passed away about 20 years now. It doesn't matter how long they been gone I still missed them. Just try to focus on the positive side and thinking that they are in better place. Try to remember the good times and it's OK to cry and let it out. talk about the good times and jokes you had with him. It's part of life there are birth and death. Hope this help you
2007-11-23 19:39:53 · answer #7 · answered by PANGTA 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, it happened to me. My dad passed away when I was 23 before the holidays. It was tough at first. No one says it has to be easy. Time is your friend. It will take some time, but is natural to feel the way you do. Just remember that your father loves you and that he wouldn't want you to grieve so bad over him. He wants you to live a happy and full life with or without him.
2007-11-23 19:37:46 · answer #8 · answered by nobody you know 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I have lost both my parents and they were my best friends too. We use to do everything together. But this I know.....and my dad taught me this...death is not a bad thing. It is part of life. The sad feelings you harbor are not for him, he is in a much better and wonderful place . The bad feelings you are having are feeling sorry for yourself.
Make time during the holidays to celebrate his life. Bring out old pictures , have a family toast to him ! Start telling every ones favorite story about him. You will feel his warmth and know he isn't gone at all.
2007-11-23 19:18:22 · answer #9 · answered by purplewaterhorse 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
People have to be thankful for the time spent with loved ones and not dwell on negatives. Losing parents is a part of life and much easier than losing younger members of the family. I'm sure Your father would want you to go on with life. Remember the good things and keep happy times spent with him near for when life gets to you but instead of being sad be joyful for what you had. Life is learning to love others and then experience the losses that come along. The trick is to move on with the strength gained from having loved them and use their memories to face future hard times.
2007-11-23 19:16:41 · answer #10 · answered by old codger 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋