im 14, 20 years ago my dad had an affair..he was 30 and the girl was 17 i only found this out tonight...(23-11-07) my brother was already around when this happened...im confused and annoyed with my mum and brother because they didnt tell me.
my dad has never been interested in my school work or if i have problems at school. tbh i dont feel like hes my real dad even though i no he is. Please sum1 help me....ive also just lost a best friend we were so close then she just started ignoring me...shes already been through something like this before except her situation was worse i could REALLY do with her now. x
2007-11-23 11:01:03 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
well i believe u had a strange life as did i~~~let me tell u when u find out things like this it can so rock your world bless your heart i went thru a similiar situation when i was 9 i found my moms obit it fell out of my cousins bible i picked it up found my name and my sisters name in it???i had no idea she was dead and get this my real dad married my real moms youngest sister so the person i was calling mom was really my aint????well after i found this out my grades went to hell fast and i had a terrible time focusing on anything i am 48 now but wow it was tuff~~~then they had a child a daughter yuk she was a pain true a spouiled ugly thief and brat!!!!!!i just recently ripped my dad cz he also had an affair with several women besides my step mom aunt~~~i told him off last yr this time called his memory to alot of things i new about by golly he was shocked it was on the phone so after he listened to me for 15 min...he finally hung up on me i had alot more to tell him but i do feel kinda sad but he would have to beg me now to ever reconsider his fatherhood as far as the mess your in u still have many yrs left at home so try to bear with it if u can~~soon u will be able to leave and trhen do what u feel is rite~~~~~so things will change as time does and it will make u have all sorts of different emotions~~~but dont let it bog down your school yrs ok u need terrific grades to prosper ok!!!!!!!!time will pass quick so GOD BLESS U HUNNY life is tuff but u can overcome this for a few yrs!!!
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2007-11-23 11:13:26 · answer #1 · answered by ladysosureone 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your dad sounds just as confused as the rest of you. He hasn`t gone and left so don`t just presume the marriage is going to end. You`d be surprised at the batterings some marriages can take and stay intact. I think as others have suggested,you should leave this to your parenst to sort out, and you stay as calm as possible ok ?Don`t worry about the money side of things so much-not yet - you don`t know what`s going to happen. A lot of families go thru this and they survive - so will yours. Take each day as it comes, concentrate on your exams, and do well. That is what both your parents would want you to do. This idea of selling stuff online-forget it. Your family is not dependant on you financially and never will be. If your dad leaves, or your mum leaves him, he will have to help out financially. It`s good you can talk to your mum, the fact she seems only slightly irritated is good too. You read the messages in his phone and that can`t be easy to deal with. Try and put it out of your mind-it`s just words-they mean nothing. Whatever happens your mum is lucky to have you, and you will all come thru this - you`ll see.
2016-05-25 03:39:35 · answer #2 · answered by susanna 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sure that your dad felt really bad about everything when it happened. He wants to forget as well as the rest of the family. He may be distant from you because of the girls age being close to yours and somehow being still there to remind him of his bad mistake years ago. He does not mean to be. I am sure he loves you just the same. If you wish to have a father daughter talk with him to get it out in the open...do it somewhere like a park or wherever you feel comfortable. Do not bring out the conversation in the middle of a family get together. You must do this alone in a public place with your father.
2007-11-23 11:07:44 · answer #3 · answered by Soniafrompa 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry you're so upset. You need to understand the reason no one told you is because they felt like you didn't need to know. No good was going to come of dredging up your father's past indiscretion.
Some day when you have a 14-year-old son or daughter, you won't see any value in telling them about something in your past that you're not proud of.
As lame as it sounds, discovering your parents are imperfect people, is a part of growing up. Many of us had parents who had no involvement in our school work, or any problems at school. Fortunately, having non-participatory parents actually makes you a stronger and more capable adult.
I do hope you feel better very soon.
2007-11-23 11:19:00 · answer #4 · answered by teaser0311 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow! you should not be upset with ur mom and brother i know they were just trying to sheild you from the pain, you do need to talk to your mom now that you know,it may be uncomfortable for her but this is a talk that you and her must have if not you may grow resentful towards her, another thing, you may want to go talk to your best friend move past whatever drama took place and let her know that you really need her right now, good luck... believe it or not this could be alot worst.
2007-11-23 12:59:03 · answer #5 · answered by Kiki from K-town 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well your dad had an affair before you were born. My dad had a lot of relationships while he was with my mom and I was already born, so I grew up knowing how disgusting he was. This is what you do, you as the child holding anger inside is not going to profit you or enhance your life in anyway it will just make you miserable. Let it go, your dad made his decision to be who he wants to be, this is your life make your own destiny and vow not to follow in your father's foot steps. Let it go.
2007-11-23 11:07:55 · answer #6 · answered by Firebird 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's ok to feel hurt, trust me you're probably not the only one who has been through something like that. Perhaps talk to someone about it. A school counsellor, your mum or another friend. I wish i could help you more :)
2007-11-23 11:24:45 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
From what you are saying, your Dad doesn't work well with young girls, probably a little gun shy from the affair or is afraid of what he may do to you. Is there another older man (uncle etc) that you can talk to to ask the questions you need answered. If not maybe a Minister or school guidance councilor.
I wish I could help you more than this.
2007-11-23 11:08:33 · answer #8 · answered by 'Old & Cudley' 7 · 0⤊ 3⤋
Twenty years is a long time. Forgive him. Sit him down and talk to him. Tell him how you feel. He might not know what to do or say right now.. Im sure if you take the time to talk.. Hell llisten and try to do better.
2007-11-23 11:04:53 · answer #9 · answered by Abolir Las Farc 6 · 2⤊ 2⤋
woooo...!! sit down and cool it and hear what everyone has to say the list will go on ....good luck ...and know that you need time to figure out things ...dont rush in ...think, listen and work it out ...
And here is a list of some of the answers below $ above me ...
2007-11-23 11:07:55 · answer #10 · answered by Elizabeth N 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋