i don't mean this to sound horrible.. but have France ever won England in a war?????????????????

Question

france eat frogs they most be gay 2

Answer 1

Have a look at this. Source listed.

- Gallic Wars
- Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian. [Or at ths time in history, a Roman -ed.]

- Hundred Years War
- Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare; "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman." Sainted.

- Italian Wars
- Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians.

- Wars of Religion
- France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots

- Thirty Years War
- France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her.

- War of Revolution
- Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux.

- The Dutch War
- Tied

- War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War
- Lost, but claimed as a tie. Three ties in a row induces deluded Frogophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French military power.

- War of the Spanish Succession
- Lost. The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every since.

- American Revolution
- In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare; "France only wins when America does most of the fighting."

- French Revolution
- Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French.

- The Napoleonic Wars
- Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer.

- The Franco-Prussian War
- Lost. Germany first plays the role of drunk Frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night.

- World War I
- Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States [Entering the war late -ed.]. Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline.

- World War II
- Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song.

- War in Indochina
- Lost. French forces plead sickness; take to bed with the Dien Bien Flu

- Algerian Rebellion
- Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare; "We can always beat the French." This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux.

- War on Terrorism
- France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. Attempts to surrender to Vietnamese ambassador fail after he takes refuge in a McDonald's.

The question for any country silly enough to count on the French should not be "Can we count on the French?", but rather "How long until France collapses?"

"Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without an accordion. All you do is leave behind a lot of noisy baggage."

Or, better still, the quote from last week's Wall Street Journal: "They're there when they need you."



With only an hour and a half of research, Jonathan Duczkowski provided the following losses:

Norse invasions, 841-911.
After having their way with the French for 70 years, the Norse are bribed by a French King named Charles the Simple (really!) who gave them Normandy in return for peace. Normans proceed to become just about the only positive military bonus in France's [favour] for next 500 years.

Andrew Ouellette posts this in response:

1066 A.D. William The Conquerer Duke and Ruler of France Launches the Largest Invasion in the history of the world no other was as large until the same trip was taken in reverse on June 6th 1944 William Fights Harold for the Throne of England Which old king Edward rightfully left to William but Harold Usurped the throne Will fights the Saxons (English)wins and the French Rule England for the Next 80 Years. then the French start the largest building and economic infrastructure since the fall of the Roman Empire the Norman Economy skyrockets and the Normans inadvertantly start England to become a major world Power Vive La France-

Matt Davis posts this in response to Andrew Ouellette above:

Oh dear. We seem to have overlooked some basic facts. Firstly, Philip the First (1060 - 1108) was King of France at the time of the Norman invasion of 1066 - William was Duke of Normandy and, incidentally, directly descended from the Vikings. William was, therefore, as alien to France as the experience of victory. Since Philip did not invade England, the victory at Hastings was Norman - not French. Normandy may be a part of France now but it most certainly wasn't in 1066. Therefore, William's coronation as King of England had nothing whatsoever to do with the French. As usual, they were nowhere near the place when the fighting was going on. The mistaken belief that 1066 was a French victory leads to the Third Rule of French Warfare; "When incapable of any victory whatsoever - claim someone else's".

Mexico, 1863-1864.
France attempts to take advantage of Mexico's weakness following its thorough thrashing by the U.S. 20 years earlier ("Halls of Montezuma"). Not surprisingly, the only unit to distinguish itself is the French Foreign Legion (consisting of, by definition, non-Frenchmen). Booted out of the country a little over a year after arrival.

Panama jungles 1881-1890.
No one but nature to fight, France still loses; canal is eventually built by the U.S. 1904-1914.

Napoleonic Wars.
Should be noted that the Grand Armee was largely (~%50) composed of non-Frenchmen after 1804 or so. Mainly disgruntled minorities and anti-monarchists. Not surprisingly, these performed better than the French on many occasions.

Haiti, 1791-1804.
French defeated by rebellion after sacrificing 4,000 Poles to yellow fever. Shows another rule of French warfare; when in doubt, send an ally.

India, 1673-1813.
British were far more charming than French, ended up victors. Therefore the British are well known for their tea, and the French for their whine (er, wine...). Ensures 200 years of bad teeth in England.

Barbary Wars, middle ages-1830.
Pirates in North Africa continually harass European shipping in Meditteranean. France's solution: pay them to leave us alone. America's solution: kick their asses ("the Shores of Tripoli"). [America's] first overseas victories, won 1801-1815.

1798-1801, Quasi-War with U.S.
French privateers (semi-legal pirates) attack U.S. shipping. U.S. fights France at sea for 3 years; French eventually cave; sets precedent for next 200 years of Franco-American relations.

Moors in Spain, late 700s-early 800s.
Even with Charlemagne leading them against an enemy living in a hostile land, French are unable to make much progress. Hide behind Pyrennes until the modern day.

French-on-French losses (probably should be counted as victories too, just to be fair):

1208: Albigenses Crusade, French massacared by French.
When asked how to differentiate a heretic from the faithful, response was "Kill them all. God will know His own." Lesson: French are badasses when fighting unarmed men, women and children.

St. Bartholomew Day Massacre, August 24, 1572.
Once again, French-on-French slaughter.

Third Crusade.
Philip Augustus of France throws hissy-fit, leaves Crusade for Richard the Lion Heart to finish.

Seventh Crusade.
St. Louis of France leads Crusade to Egypt. Resoundingly crushed.

[Eighth] Crusade.
St. Louis back in action, this time in Tunis. See Seventh Crusade.

Also should be noted that France attempted to hide behind the Maginot line, sticking their head in the sand and pretending that the Germans would enter France that way. By doing so, the Germans would have been breaking with their traditional route of invading France, entering through Belgium (Napoleonic Wars, Franco-Prussian War, World War I, etc.). French ignored this though, and put all their effort into these defenses.

Thomas Whiteley has submitted this addition to me:

Seven year War 1756-1763
Lost: after getting hammered by Frederick the Great of Prussia (yep, the Germans again) at Rossbach, the French were held off for the remainder of the War by Frederick of Brunswick and a hodge-podge army including some Brits. War also saw France kicked out of Canada (Wolfe at Quebec) and India (Clive at Plassey).

Richard Mann, an American in France wants to add the following:

The French consider the departure of the French from Algeria in 1962-63, after 130 years on colonialism, as a French victory and especially consider C. de Gaulle as a hero for 'leading' said victory over the unwilling French public who were very much against the departure. This ended their colonialism. About 2 million ungrateful Algerians lost their lives in this shoddy affair.

Answer 2

Well, they DID win the American war of independence! The rebels couldnt have done it without them!

Apart from that, no!

The 100 years war was not actually a war, but rather an English occupation....and in fact Elizabeth 1 voluntarily gave back the last occupied territory, Calais.

The Normans, as their name suffests, were Norsemen/Vikings, who had settled in what is now France, so they werent French, even though theyd adopted the language.

Agincourt, Crecy, Trafalgar, Quebec, Waterloo, The Peninsular War, In India etc etc, England/Britain won them all!

ps; Chariot is wrong about WW1, the British were the major players not the USA.

Answer 3

War, no. Battles, yes. The so-called Hundred Years War (which was actually a series of wars/battles over a period of 116 years) saw several occasions when the French armies won individual battles although most of the major ones (Crecy, Agincourt,) were victories for the English.

Someone referred to the Norman Conquest of 1066, but the Normans weren't French. They were the descendants of Viking settlers from Norway who occupied an area that LATER became a part of France. The "French" they spoke was a corrupted bastardized French, which accounts for many of the odd spellings of English place names.

Answer 4

Actually, the Norman invasion of 1066, although it was essentially a Norman invasion, being led and officered and mostly soldiered by Normans(decendents of Vikings) and from the Duchy of Normandy, had many French knights in it. Also the whole culture of Normady at the time was French. And the French king was the duke of Normady's nominal overlord. However in the battle of Bouvines(27th of July 1214) the French king Phillip Augustus smashed the combined armies of England and Germany. This lost John of England's war to keep most of his French possessions. Also the French eventually won the Hundred Years War which ended in 1453. This freed France of English control.

Also a couple of times, the English(or British as they were known then)did invade northern France during Napoleon's time. They were defeated. Also they were in coalitions that did loose several of the Napoleonic wars. Although the vast majority of wars went to the English, there have been some notable French victories. There are two reasons why this question and questions like this have been asked. One, that French history is little known, especially amongst English speaking peoples. Two, that there is an undue amount of ignorant prejudice going around in English speaking countries about France. This is due to the fact that the culture and historical perception has been given to us English speaking nations by England. And it has been taught to us at our schools as England has been the clear victor in the vast majority of cases. And most decisively too.

Also there is something else. The French have always been consious of their martial valour. It is true that they have been valiant. But they like to think and boast that they are and were better than they actually are. They are puffed up. And when people look at their record in contrast, the result is less than ideal. It is true that the French have won some and have shown themselves to be valiant, rescourcefull and doing very well against immense odds. However, they are not as good as they would have us believe.

But the French have done much better than most people think. In the Napoleonic wars, although they were led by one of the great military geniuses in history, they did do great and noble things. It took a million men under arms, after the debacle in Russia brought on by natural forces and bad strategic choices, to bring down the French. And at Waterloo, the only reason why Napoleon lost a battle against two armies was the ground delaying the start of the battle: re his artillery moving up, his fainting due to a medical condition during the battle, Marshal Ney's attack by cavalry unsupported by infrantry-his attack of infrantry unsupported by cavalry and both unsupported by artillery, Napoleon's refusal to follow Marshal Soute's advise to outflank and Marshal Grouchey's failure to keep Blutcher and his Prussians away. If Grouchey had either kept Blutcher away or come back into the battle, Napoleon would have won a huge victory at Waterloo. So the French have won their fair share of wars amonst nations. It is only that we of the English speaking peoples have been unusually sucsessful in such in the last few centuries. So yes, they have won some wars against England. Hope this helps.

Answer 5

The Normans took over vacant possession of nominal Anglo-Saxon England after a skirmish at Senlac Hill in Oct 1066. Harold Godwinson having seen their argument at the point of an arrow. But 'France' and 'French' as a distinct or homogenous group did not exist at that time. To complicate matters there were familial and military ties and agreements between Normandy and England at and before that time. Besides the Normans themselves were descended from settled Scandinavian 'Norsemen' who also held much political and military sway in Anglo Saxon England at that time.
Yes, you are correct- the chief diet eaten by gay people is frog's legs and snails, liberally laced with garlic!

Answer 6

I know this might sound silly but the Royalties of Europe, including England and France have blood ties. And wars fought long ago were quite often decided not by military victory or defeat - but by allegiances, through marriage, by Royalty.

So the 'fights' between nations were resolved without anyone, or any nation losing face.

Although it must be said, wars apart, that England did kick Frances **** in quite a few battles.

Answer 7

Yes . The Norman French conquered England in 1066 and occupied the country. The French supplied the Kings Of England for hundreds of years when England was considered a minor possession of the French crown.
The Norman French were never removed and some of their descendants still own huge areas of England.
I recommend you read "The Isles" by Norman Davies if you want to educate yourself

Answer 8

Hundred Years' War
War of American Independence - ok, the only part of this that Britain lost was against Americans, ie people of English stock anyway.
If there were a war, today, the French would walk over the enfeebled British army. Blame the people you voted for from 1997 to now.

Answer 9

The Normans defeated the English at Hastings in 1066, but, although they spoke French, they were a distinct group. Even then, the country of France didn't really conquer England.

Evidently the respondent who says Great Britain has been sold down the line is referring to the European Union, but he knows in his heart that the UK will always be itself. (If it's just a component of the EU, why are there so many websites that give the conversion rate between the pound and the Euro?)

Answer 10

Well, you might want to read up on William the Conqueror and Joan of Arc. In the last 150 years or so, though, France and Britain have established a more cordial relationship, so they usually fought on the same side (as in, for example, World War I and World War II) or did not interfere (as in, for example, Britain staying away from the Franco-Prussian war).

Answer 11

The last time France defeated England was the successful invasion by William the Conqueror here in Hastings in 1066.