Do i aim for the worst type of guys? should i set more standards & start thinkin "your not good enough for me"

Question

LOok im the type of gurl that s not the gold digger, looking for money and material things from guys, but i alwayz end up with losers who have no sort of future.
Is it time for me to start being more selective and put myself up on a pedistal saying "your not good enough for me? n look down on guys

My current ex manz is broke, an ex felon did 8 years in and out the Penitentary, gets fired from his job all the time, lives at home in the living room of his mothers house in the housing projects in the g , two kids by two differnet babys mothers, drug deals on the corner some time, no car, i met him 6 months ago , he still hasnt moved up in life or anything.

My ex mans of 3 years lives at home with his moms, drives a old car, has sort of a job, has a babys mom and a son, he s the same place i met him in his life 3 years ago he hasnt moved up the lader and he's not hard working go getter typ

Answer 1

You are what is called a "rescuer". You are a compassionate and loving person and I think you probably do it subconciously. You see someone down and out and you want to help them. You want to make their life better. You want to empower them to become better people. You probably already see yourself as a "better" person, that is probably why you pick up with these poor unfortunate people.

I used to be a rescuer, but I learnt that everyone is responsible for their own path in life. Sure, I will help anyone who wants to be helped, but I will never devalue myself again in trying to help someone else. It is so much work trying to re-habilitate some people. If you can regognise this trait in you and do a bit of research, then you will be able to understand yourself a bit more. Maybe if you worked in the area of welfare, helping down and out people, it would utilize your empathy and compassion, but you wont allow these kind of people into your personal life. You need to find your equal. You need to find someone who you can lean on sometimes. You are a strong individual and you will find your equal as long as you can recognise that you are a "rescuer".

Answer 2

Everyone need the opportunity to better themsefls but to simply take the idea of "Your not good enough for me" to every guy you meet well i promise you will be alone for a long time. Although it apears that these exes have not changed you dont know what type of issues they are facing to be able to change. In the state of texas for example ex felons its very difficult to obtain a job so just saying that an ex felon doesnt want a job would be lying. Now i dont agree with the drug dealing or any of the other crap (domestic absuse or whatever else) you may have had to put up with. You cna almost tell right away when you meet someone what kind of background or type of person they are, so if you simply cannot tell a little about someone enough to make a decision to date them, then maybe the problem is with you and not the guys your dating. But dont be snooty and assholy to every guy you meet thats not cool or fair. hope my ranting on helps you.

Answer 3

Seeing someone for what they are is NOT looking down on them.If you want a decent man with a job a place of his own, a car no kids by various women , not on drugs etc then that is what you need to look for.You will not find a "fixer upper" that will change because you love him, that makes for a good soap opera or movie but in REAL life it dont work hon.
You go to the pet store and get a rabid weasel it probably isnt going to curl up in your lap and purr like a kitten.Trying to MAKE it curl up in your lap and purr like a kitten will just make things worse.
Get rid of those ex bums and find a decent man, and in order to GET and keep a decent man you have to be a decent woman with a job a car a place of your own and show you can be a responsible adult.Now arent you glad you didnt make kids with those losers?

Answer 4

Your the only one in this relationship that can decide to move up the ladder,as you put it.Everything you described tells me that you don't think you deserve better,& until you do,you won't get a better relationship.You asked many questions,& yes you should want better for yourself...the fact that your wondering,is a positive start. I suggest you make a fresh start by realizing that you can make a life for yourself,alone,without men that reside in prison,sell drugs,or live with their mothers....you deserve a mature man that has a job that can support himself,& you set goals for yourself so that you can support yourself,& one day you'll meet the right guy & have a good life together,because you want each otgher,not because you NEED each other....LOL...

Answer 5

You just want a great guy right? Even if you were poor or rich some guy who gets the idea. Some guy who even if he made mistakes gets the idea?

Point is if you set standards and also get to a place in which you have yourself set then you will meet and attract the good guys. Hang, meet, date or associate w. those who lose that is all you meet.

Answer 6

I think the first thing you need to do is find out why your addicted to the drama, find out why you think that is okay to want these type of men, and really find out why you don't believe you deserve better! I mean you have to be a whole person before you can truly attract a whole mate.

Answer 7

You should have high standards for the person you will be committed to for the rest of your life...I would place those standards on things other than the material though....loyalty, honesty, integrity...

Answer 8

we bring people into our lives threw power of thought. the power in the cosmos pick up on our lust, and tries to manifest it. if you began to think that type of man is not good enough for you it will lead to a higher quality of man. so i say go for it

Answer 9

Yes! You need to find a man who knows how to treat a woman... not another guy.

We are out there. Raise your standards and we will find you.

Good luck.