should i stay and fight or just give up and let go?

Question

my husband and i have been married for 13 almost 14 years we have 5 children 4 of which we have adopted. he has recently went back to truck driving and then came in a few weeks later to let me know that he doesn't love me anymore. we have always had such a loving relationship so this came as a total suprise. he has always been very affectionate with me and now he is so distant. this has been going on for about 4 months now. when he gave me some of the reasons why i excepted it told him i can do this so in one year we will get a divorce.this beening his decision like every thing else that weekend he was all over me and very much into my needs and me (oh by the way his time at home is still spendt at home with us) now we are back to him being distant and shut down can anyone tell my what the heck is going on i should tell ya that i do work i do go to college and i have always taken care of the house and kids he works that is it not that i'm not grateful for that & is the love of my life

i understand what some of you are saying but i make his meals, make his plates, make his drink and bring it to him he never has had to lift a finger i have always taken care of him what ever he needed i did my very best to do bc i love him isn't that whjat you are suppose to do for those you love? what more can i do?

Answer 1

he has another woman who is pulling on his heartstrings, trying to convince him to leave u. just finish school, and begin saving as much as u can, wives are often the last to know when this happens. for the most part when men begin acting like this there is another person in your marriage.

Answer 2

When men have been married for several years they go through a middle age crisis just like women do and it effects all of them differently. It sounds to me like this man has someone on the side or is looking. Having so many children in the home and both of you so very busy I think you do not have enough time for each other and it has made him grow distant from you and maybe into the arms of another woman. This does happen quite often after this many years of marriage. Marriage becomes too routine and dull and the same old thing. A woman comes into the picture that show interest in your man and makes him feel very special. She tells him all the things he wants to here.
I am not saying he is doing anything yet but I am sure he is certainly thinking about it.
If you want to keep him you need to do something quickly.
You have too many years to throw it all away and so does he. He is not thinking clearly.
You need to bring some romance back into your life and make him feel special again. Compliment him on how good looking he still is and things like that.. In the mean time check things out and see what you can find. Do some snooping for signs.
Is he doing anything differently. Like dressing better, a different cologne, caring more about what he looks like, any money being spend you know nothing about, This is a lot worse since he is a trucking. He can get away with so much more.
Being loving one day and distant the next is normal. He cannot make up his own mind. He may be with another woman and also feel guilty and this is why he may be distant.
I seriously feel a man does not think about not loving his wife any more unless another woman has come into the picture.

Answer 3

You thought you had the perfect marriage and he is the love of your life but he's distancing himself from you , telling you he doesnt love you anymore and now your getting divorced , he's cheating on you.

Clear signs is it come's out of nowhere they hide the cheating for month's on end denying anything outside of the home is going on that shouldnt be then 1 day WHAM , it's over . When they come home and say it's over they arent in love with you , it's not you it's them , then they start doing thing's for YOU to make it easier , it's being done so that after the divorce the skank can magically appear and be called the new woman who wasnt there before the marriage came to an undaunting screeching halt.

I'm sorry your husband is a jerk and maybe is 1 of the 1% who do actually end their marriages to be with their skanks. Make sure you go for everything your entitled to half the house , half the car's , if he work's for himself half the profit's of the business , allimony , child support and tear the freak a new 1 .

Answer 4

I feel for you. Your husband is definitely sending you some mixed messages. I know it would be so easy for me to say "give up and let go". However, I'm not in your shoes. You have children, he is the love of your life, you have an existence together that involves so much and it is complicated to say the least, to break that apart. Your husband needs to make a decision. Does he want you & the kids, to be into your needs, to have you and all that that entails. Or-does he not love you and not want to be with you & face the music of what that means? He can't (shouldn't) have his cake and eat it, too...whenever it suits him. That is emotionally SO unfair for you. He may be the love of your life up until now but if that love is one sided and he doesn't appreciate all that you have to offer-another out there DEFINITELY will. You don't want to short change yourself. It's not going to make you happy in the end. You want your kids to know that you should never settle, you as well as them deserve the best in love, life, and in your future. Good luck. The coming days could include pain but I hope that more than anything-you get happiness and love.

Answer 5

I have been through what you are going through now and it will get harder as it goes on. Your husband has another woman on the side and she is the one that took his love away from you.Just because he can be nice and all over you does not change the fact that he is sleeping with someone else. I like how some men won't tell you what your husband is really doing, you know damn right well that other men know what your husband is doing to you. Men will take up for another man no matter what it's that damn male code thing they have going on. Believe me i know how it hurts to hear your husband say these words to you(I don't love you anymore) it cuts through you like a knife. My husband said these words to me 10 years ago and he had a girlfriend on the side i knew nothing about she was a co-worker.
Why did you adopt so many kids,did your husband want you to or was that your idea? 5 kids is enough to drive anyone crazy,my mom had 7 kids and it was a mad house all the time. Please don't take that the wrong way I'm just saying that a man needs time alone down time time alone with his wife and with all them kids and you working and going to school there is no way in hell that you are giving your husband the time he needs. With a house full of kids and you not being there for him he went out and found himself someone that makes time for him and makes him feel important like he matters and is the the only one.God knows i know it hurts to hear this but sometimes it's what we need to hear in order to get us back on track. Someone came in and is trying to take what is yours don't let her fight for him. Your husband never will admit to cheating on you and you will probably believe him like all wives do when he says he isn't cheating. I think you know deep down he has been seeing another woman you just are not ready to face the truth yet.
I sure hope i am wrong but everything i have read and been through tells me that is what your husband is doing. Men are selfish creatures and if you don't give them what they need there are alot of women who will come in and take your man and think nothing of it and the worse part about it is he will let her in and try to get read of you.. Sorry men but you know this to be true.

Answer 6

Mid life crisis ,he is either having an affair or thinking of doing so, You need to do some reserch to see who he is talking to on his cell phone and who he is chatting with online, cheaters hide it very well but the truth comes out in the end. My wife told me that i was verbally abusive then set me up to get into an argument with her and of coarse i fell for it. I took the car keys from her and was arrested for domestic battery then kicked out of my own home , last christmas she moved her current lover in and ,in june had his baby search the web and you will find answers if it is not too late i would suggest joint counseling and prayer but in my case i'm not sure anything will help because now her lover has been living with her and my children for almost a year and i couldn't do the reserch needed or talk to my wife due to health problems namely add and fibromyalgia. OH by the way we have been together since jan 1986 and married in may of 1990. Be careful and think before you react,. think would i be better off with or without him. Myself I could forgive my wife if she would want it because i know that GOD can forgive her

Answer 7

It sounds like he has someone else on the side. That is the reason why he is distant. Have you ever considered that he might be seeing someone else? I'd be on the lookout especially if he was a truck driver. That would mean that he is away most of the time. I have an Aunt who is in the same boat as you are. We suspect that he is seeing someone else. In either case, we'd like to say otherwise but all the facts are there.
-Good luck.

Answer 8

fight for him if you really love him but I dont know what you can do :-(
If he wants a divorce then I would stop having sex with him, why should he get a benefit from a relationship he has said he doesnt want.
Maybe you could consider how much time he is home without you , if you are working and doing schools he may feel you dont have time for him .
You need to find out his reasons , they may not make any sense to you, but that doesnt matter , its what he thinks that the problem .

good luck.

Answer 9

He is probably seeing another woman, but maybe if you were to cut out the college for now and he were to get a job where he can be home every night that would help a lot, sounds like you have grown apart and the kids do not need to see what little stability they have and NEED in their lives to crumble and fall apart.Especially them being adopted.

Answer 10

Make sure that you sit down and talk with him. First, check yourself. Are you giving him what he needs? Make sure you are honest with yourself about the relationship. You need to try to make this work. Try a few new things in your relationship. You might fall in love all over again. Read a book called "The Five Love Languages" Get him the men's edition. This would open your eyes to each other's love communication style. You need to make this relationship work. And your kids need you as well. Let me say it again, you need to do everything you can to make this marriage work!

Answer 11

Keep true to your marriage vows. He is suffering from some kind of problem that only he can solve.

Do you have any clues as to why he is distant? If not, you may have to be more of a detective. I cannot help more without more information.

Good luck.