How would you deal with a friend like this?

Question

Six of us stayed friends when we left school,
one who we will call ( (T ) ) got into bad company. Married and divorced, and hit the drink hard, broke her mothers heart umteen times. The five of us often gave her money, a bed for the night and took her to the hospital after one of her debauched new friends beat her up. Now that has all changed, because after years of abusing her
body, she has become a Christain. And don't we know it, she talks down to us for going to the bingo. How can an ex alcoholic
talk like this, do you think she has been brainwashed, she has even become nasty,
surely that is not being a Christain.?

Answer 1

There is no more fervent crusader than a reformed addict...no matter WHAT the addiction was to. And, yes, those people often take on a "holier than thow" attitude as well. Their thinking is that "My words are more important than yours because I've actually seen and lived the other side".

I even experienced some of this myself when I successfully quit smoking. It took great determination on my part to avoid becoming one of those fervent anti-smoking crusaders.

All you can do is to keep on gently reminding her that she isn't any better than you. And that YOUR form of Christianity does not include denigrating people for their differences.

Answer 2

I have found in life, that people that call themselves Christians, do not always act in a Christian way. Some how they think all their sins have been washed away and they are above everybody else. They tend to ignore the life they lived previously and rant on everybody else. Ignore here and let her be her mean spirited self. Religion does not make a person,
that person is already there, they are just hiding behind their beliefs.

Answer 3

Nothing worse than a person who discovers faith for the first time. It happens way too much. Everyone else is plain faithless except them. They don't seem to remember all the times you took them in and saved them with you Samaritan attitiudes toward her. Explain the parable of the Good Samaritan and perhaps she will not be that way anymore. May help, may not. But you will have done what you thought was right for her benefit and for your own.

Answer 4

That sure doesn't sound like very Christian behavior. She doesn't sound like a friend anymore, just a very judgemental person, ex-alcoholic or not. Maybe try sitting down with her and talking to her about it, in a non-accusatory manner, so she won't feel defensive. See if she opens up, if it is something else that she's got on her mind. If not, and she's really turned into this nasty person, then who needs that in their life?

Answer 5

Don't they have bingo in Christian Churches? They do around where I live. Other than that it is ultimately your choice whether you want to let her negative and annoying energy into your life. I try to get rid of toxic people because it just isn't worth it to me. She sounds like she is losing it. Maybe try talking to her first and see if she changes her behavior. Good luck.

Answer 6

She has spent her entire life chasing the approval of these other people she gets in with - she has not really changed at all. She allowed herself to be led all her life and now the conservative religious zealots have the reigns. It least they won't leave her passed out in a ditch with a broken cheekbone and she probably is praying at her little bed every night by 9pm. So be glad she is safe, but avoid her when she is tedious. You have been there when she was in trouble and when she was in danger, but you do not need to be there when she is all up in your grill with her attitude - just tell her to hang out with her "perfect" friends and leave you to your debauchery. Stop telling her what you are doing and she will get tired of asking and preaching.

Answer 7

Another born again christian. These folks have to be the biggest hypocrites of all time. I know some who were prostitutes, drug users, thieves, liars, cheats, and now they think that they are supreme.
I would loose her big time. Let her go to her church and confess her sins in front of everyone and keep going to your Bingo.
Give her the boot.
Happy Bingoing.

Answer 8

People with addictions need a "crutch" to get through their lives, she has traded hers in for "religion" and that is her new crutch. They seek "validation" not through their own sense of self worth and strength but through what is reflected back to them by others. First it was her addict friends who reflected back to her that she was "cool and one of them", etc. and now its that she is a good person because of her religion.

People who get straight give up one addiction for another, and hers is religion now, which is why they need counseling to learn to cope and to get along with other people.

A lot of people assume once an addict quits using or an alcoholic quits drinking they will be the person they were before, or the person you hope they will be - this is very seldom the case.

My friends husband quit drinking after years of alcoholism and she says he is an insufferable self righteous jackass and does nothing but preach to and find fault with others now. They are separated and have been for 17 years. I know she had hoped that once he stopped drinking the marriage could be salvaged, but she said she cant stand to be around him.

Answer 9

Your friend sounds like a gal that has gone from the DREGS to the LORD,& doesn't know how to temper her new found spiritualism.Since your old friends,maybe a good old fashioned friendly conversation will alert her of her annoying new behavior...Be kind,but definite,You have a right to lead your lives, as you see fit,just as she did before.Let her know that you all deserve to be accepted & not criticized,& if she can't go with the program,cut her loose...LOL

Answer 10

Personally i think that she has found a new guise to hide behind. Now she thinks of all the times you all pitied her & now she can finally look down on you. Now is the time that she is really testing you. By pushing her beliefs onto you she probably wants to know if you all will accept this as you have accepted everything else she has brought to your door..But why should you ?